Trust
by shuttlenap
Summary: In which Karkat encounters Dave in his wanderings around the meteor and they begin one of their famous scathing verbal strifes. Authors: Asher/Brianna Tumblrs: unforgettablecanine/daverappingalonewithcoffee This will probably be a long-ish fic, but never fear Davekar shippers, we will update it often! Also I promise there will be sloppy makeouts just bear with us! ALSO MOULTING!
1. Chapter 1

You instantly scowl when you see him, even if he's just walking along the dark hallways of the meteor like you. Dave Strider remains calm though and, against all odds, approaches you. You both stop walking at about two feet from each other. You study him quickly, hopefully without being noticed by his unseeable eyes, behind his black shades. He was wearing his god tier outfit as usual, because he likes to show off, and it just makes you dislike the guy even more!

"Strider." You greet without moving your head.

"Vantas," he returns in a deadpan voice.

You squint your eyes a bit at him. "It is a great displeasure talking to you too."

He leans on one leg, acting relaxed and eternally unfazed by anything and everything that you say. "Really? Couldn't tell from the grin bursting wildly across your face the second you laid eyes on me. So thanks for letting me know. Is that a grin or a box of knives spilling out of your mouth though? Can't tell with you trolls anymore."

You scowl at him. "They are teeth, dipshit! And you know I dislike even seeing that ugly mug that you call a face! It is despicable! Even for a foul human! No wonder you hide behind those shades of yours!"

"Wow, how rude of you, Vantas, what if I'm not ugly? What if it's just a huge facial malformation I'm hiding and you're being a huge douche for pointing it out? Do you ever think of others? Wow, just, wow! Who made you co-leader with John? I sure didn't vote for your insensitive bulbous tush."

"Oh yeah! Of course! Because you despise me just so fucking much! And I am practically the only one of the trolls that has half of a functioning thinkpan to use that isn't rotting from the stupidity and idiocy that constantly leaks from the hole on your face that is labeled as a protein chute on a daily basis!"

"I only hate you because you literally hate everyone else on this meteor so much that it radiates off of you in this massive toxic energy cloud and locks onto everyone else in sight, creating hatred Frankensteins in your image. I'm dripping in Karkat Vantas hate toxins." He holds his arms up as if he really was dripping in some form of liquid, glancing at his body for a few seconds before back at you with an amused smirk. "Get the guys in yellow hazard suits in here! Let them swing through the metaphorical windows on their helicopter ropes and throw you in a hastily constructed shower. Maybe underneath all that nasty there will be a Karkat carebear."

You scoff and continue to glare at him. "You seriously think I am _kind _on the inside? Go fellate yourself on your own digits! Actually! Get some more of my Karkat Vantas hate toxins on you! Have the Karkat Vantas Toxins Deluxe Pack! Then you will know how much I utterly and despicably despise your stupid ass! There is nothing to like about you! Nothing to be thankful for! Nothing to be pitied for! You are just a stubborn ass prick who thinks himself higher than every other fucking person no matter who or what they are!"

Dave continues to smirk at you. "Well at least people like me, dude. You're just an ass to everyone. No wonder Terezi…" You feel your hands clenching a bit and you frown even more. "Dumped…" You bare your teeth slightly "You!"

You scowl intensely at him. "Don't! You! Dare! I will fucking cull you if you bring Terezi into this!"

He smirks and then mimes like he is scared of you, hands in front of him as he cowers a bit and leans away from you. "Oooh! I'm scared! The carebear is gonna fight me for the fair maidens hand!" He straightens and leans in on you, you hate being a head shorter than this douche! "Heads up loser! She will never like you if you treat her and everyone else like shit. Even if you kick my ass which – ha ha – _won't happen_."

"Who says I want her back? You can just have her for all I care! I'm over all of this fucking shit with fighting over the girl who doesn't even pay a single fucking ounce of attention to me!"

"How do you even get off on being so furious all the time?"

You blink in confusion."What?"

He smirks again. "Where does all that fiery Karkat fury come from? Is there a little space heater inside of you?"

You resume your scowling. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Just asking bro." He raises his hands in mock surrender.

"Well, no, go fuck yourself. I keep hateful because it is my defense." You can tell he is raising his eyebrows at you behind those shitty shades he wears. It makes you just want to rip off those shades and just see his eyes, you haven't actually seen his eyes yet, which only goes to piss you off even more. "I used it as a defence when I lived on Alternia, it just kept up with me since I left."

He twists his mouth sideways a bit. "Look, Vantas, not that I wanna start a feelings jam or anything, but I just noticed you're by yourself a lot and, not that I care, but it'd be a good idea if we were all united as a team when the big fight goes down, y'know? So what's your deal? You should drop your protest happiness sign and come chill with us."

You scowl a bit and grumble. "No, I don't 'chill'," You actually do the quote marks. "That is just stupid!"

Dave shifts again. "What's your beef with chilling? C'mon!"

"No! I don't do that shit!"

"Vantas, oh my god!" He steps sideways to you, pacing slightly.

You blink, raising an eyebrow at him in confusion and curiosity. "What?"

"All you ever do is glare at us from the doorways. I'm thinking your little princess heart wants to chill and you're just punching it in the face! You are a villain of your own fairy tale, Karkat. Come down from your towers and chill with us peasants."

"Why would I want to chill with _you_, of all people? I dislike you more than anything else in the universe, and that is saying something considering I talk to past and future me constantly in memos and shit!"

"Why would you hang out with yourself? You're a doof and you even know it!" You blink, 'what the fuck is a doof?'. And Dave is talking again. "C'mon! Even if you don't like hanging out with your troll friends or John or Jade or Rose."

You bare your teeth slightly as you speak. "Firstly! I don't hang out with myself, that is just purely idiotic and most likely suicidal! Secondly! Rose is always busy with Kanaya, Gamzee can't be found, Terezi is either with you or the clown while John and Jade are on a flying golden ship, hurtling through space and time. Not many options now are there?"

He shrugs, the bastard! "Yeah, no clue where the juggalo is, that's weird. Aren't you his boyfriend or something?"

"It's called Moirail, shithead."

"I forget what Rose told me about your quadrant bullshit."

"MOIRAIL!"

"Forgive me for not being culturally aware, you giant boil."

"Shut up, nookstain!"

"So how did you lose him, anyway?" Dave asks, and you soften just a slight bit. "Isn't it your thing that you watch him to make sure he doesn't kill anyone else? Like his parole officer?"

You look away from him, down the hall behind him. "He just… vanished? I don't know! Sometimes I hear him through the air vents though…"

"Shit that's terrifying."

"Yeah!" You say in a 'O Rly?' way. He is not shaken though.

"My bro used to hide smuppets in the air vents and I'd have to go unblock them when the air conditioning wouldn't work."

You raise an eyebrow at him. "Smuppets? You mean those stuffed creatures with large asses?"

He nods. "Yeah, those things."

You scoff. "They look like shit!" he shrugs.

"I don't know what you're hating on, the quality of my brother's creations or if you're literally comparing the smuppets to mounds of shit. Cause, man, shit looks totally different in my opinion. Smuppets are just giant colourful dicks with a face and ass attatched. They're freaky as fuck but shit is just nasty, don't get those things confused."

"What-"

"Or, I don't know, maybe I'm just being culturally insensitive again. Maybe your race does shit smuppets." You are unamused. "God that's awful."

"-you are not making much sense, as usual-" You are ignored once again.

"Wait, so, we can't technically say 'god' anymore, huh? We should say 'Karkat' instead 'cause you made our universe."

"Yes, I approve."

"It's like, instead of oh-em-gee it's oh-em-kay. Oh my Karkat." You blink, raising an eyebrow again. "Dear Karkat."

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaah…" You say nervously.

"Help me Karkat."

"That sounds a bit… yeah, no." You hate being ignore by this douche!

"Karkat be with us. I swear to Karkat."

"Please stop…"

"Dude, when people get busy they should have to scream 'oh Karkat!' instead of 'oh god'. Wow, that's so freaky."

"Yeah, that sounds just a bit too sexual. I'll pass…You done now?"

"Yeah I'm done and I feel you there." You blink.

"I thought you were all into irony and shit? Isn't this irony?"

He frowns slightly at you. "Oh no, dude. You have no sense of irony! Don't even try. Don't even lace up your shoes and get ready to try 'cause you're gonna fail-"

"-I am not trying! I am just trying to detect it!-"

"-In fact, don't get out of bed-"

"-I am out of bed, ass! I am right in front of you-"

"-Stay asleep and dream of maybe being ironic one day like Dave Strider-"

"-I am awake, shithead! You are too late-"

"-Maybe one day you will finally understand the meaning of irony and on that day, Karkat, I will knight you into Irony's mantle of beauty. See, that was ironic, but not actual irony. 'Cause I said I'd knight you, but you're already a Knight, of Blood, and I am a Knight, of Time-"

"-Is this the part where I laugh?"

"Yeah, you should laugh now."

You scowl. "Well you're out of luck. I don't laugh!"


	2. Chapter 2

He smirks smugly. "That's not true. You laughed last week when Rose drunkenly fell down the stairs."

"That was a small chuckle! Not a laugh!"

"You bared your vicious sabre-teeth for an ounce of hilarity. That's enough for me to be able to say that you laughed. In Karkat terms, a small chuckle is probably a normal person's guffaw."

"No, I did not laugh you incompetent ass!"

"Yeah, but you can!"

"I don't laugh!"

"You can!"

"I don't smile, I don't laugh, I don't chuckle, I don't get surprised, I don't get scared, I don't get shocked! I only scowl and frown!"

He chuckles, and that only makes your hair at the nape of your neck bristle in agitation. "Nah, 'Rezi said you got really freaked out when Kan died, or, at least got shot through the middle."

You flinch just slightly but glare at him. "And you wouldn't be freaked out?!"

He leans back, not looking so offensive as he did before. "My point is, you said you don't feel things but anger, and I proved you do actually feel other things. Wow, I sound like my sister." The ass actually lifts a hand to his chin and imitates Rose.

You growl slightly in your throat. "Shut up then!" He drops his hand to his side. "I don't feel anything but anger and hate from now on then! Just to prove you wrong!"

He sighs. "C'mon Vantas, show a little emotion."

"No," you scowl at him angrily.

"Hike up your skirt a little and bare you feelings to the world."

Did he literally just say that? You aren't imagining things are you? Nope. He literally just said that to you. "No! And I don't fucking wear a skirt! I wouldn't even bare a single inch of feelings to anyone!"

"What about half an inch? Just your ankle?"

"No!"

"Like a teeny bit of joy?"

"You're not going to get me to show any emotion no matter what you say!"

"Like a quick glimmer of mischief in your giant buggy eyes?"

"No."

"Vantas, are you for real?"

You scowl. "Of course! How can't I be?"

"Is this some kind of hidden camera show-" He glances about as if expecting to see a man with a camera and a whole crew behind them, "-where we are all the contestants and we have to get you to smile or something and if we do we get a million dollars or a spa vacation or something? And you have to try as hard as you can not to grin so that you win instead?"

You scowl. "Like we can get any of that on this boulder hurtling through space!"

He shrugs and stands still facing you. "I don't know. Hollywood is pretty good at setting up secret TV shows, who knows if Alternians can do it as well?"

"This is not a show!"

"What if they've got you under their contract not to say anything about the show though?"

"What? There is no fucking show here! You are an ass to think I would try and fake this! I am_clearly _not faking this!"

"Twitch your eyelid if we're on a show, Vantas." 'whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…?' "Just twitch it so nobody can see and you won't get kicked off. But then I'll know and we can escape together! I'll put together a plan and get us out of here, just you see, Vantas!"

You scowl at him; is he seriously this shit-hive-maggots? "There is no show here, you fuckass! If there was, why would I try and tell you so you can save me like I am some sort of princess and you the knight?" You see him smirk a bit and you huff a breath out of your mouth. "No fucking pun intended!"

He shrugs and puts his hands just inside of his pants. "No, it's cool, Vantas. You can be the knight instead. I don't mind being the princess. I look good in pink, bro. It's like my power colour."

You blink in shock at his pure idiocy and stupidity. "What? No! This is not a fucking show! Not even a set up for one of Egbert's stupid pranks! This is not fake!"

He holds a hand to his chin again, brushing his fingers over it now and again. "Egbert is too far away to pull off a prank like this…"

"Proof!"

"If he was behind this he would have to be in cahoots with someone here on the meteor…"

You groan; he is not getting this at all! "This is not a set up or a prank or a joke or anything!"

"Who could it be… who likes Egbert most out of the trolls…"

"Oh my gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ood! Shut up! This is not a prank!"

"Besides Vriska, she's dead right?"

"There is no joke here!"

"Karkat, shoosh! I'm thinking aloud here. Maybe it's Rose, I mean, they're together on your shipping chart?"

"No! Fucking stop! Shut up!"

"Oh my fucking god, Karkat. You need a moirail to chill you out! Did the clown ever shill you out? How did he do it? Jesus fuck, he must have had to tranq you."

"No! Shut up! Stop talking! Stop spewing words from your protein chute!"

"But that's my thing. I'm the person that talks. That's my god power, Vantas, don't you know? It's not Knight of Time anymore, I'm Knight of Spewing Words From My Protein Chute-"

"Gah!" You step towards him and slap a hand over his mouth, silencing him as you glare at his surely shocked eyes behind those shades. "Shut. Up!" You scowl at him. "Just stop, and listen to what I am saying!" He nods, much to your surprise. "I am not pranking you! That is lame! I am not setting you up! There is no reason to with both our worlds destroyed! I am not lying to you! There is no reason to! Just, stop with your rambling!" You glare at him for a few moments longer, judging him, before you remove your hand, wiping it on your pants as you did so.

"Fine, sorry dude. Just kinda wanted to chat you up for a while."

"Whatever, I don't do chats though. It either goes awkward, someone gets upset or I get angry and storm away."

He shrugs, hands back in his pants. "I don't feel awkward or upset, and I don't see you storming away, so what's this then?"

You blink, surprised and confused. You have no idea what 'this' is. You shrug. "No idea… we haven't finished talking though have we?"

He smirks slightly. "Oh, we were talking, not chatting then? Aha."

You frown a bit. "Oh come on!"

He shrugs. "Then maybe this was a banter, or, small talk. A repartee if you will."

"I would have used the term 'argument' really, we did argue."

He shrugs again. "You argued, I chit-chatted."

You huff. "So what does that make this?"

"I'm gonna go with banter. You can write that down, new human word you have learned today."

"Quiet! I am still not going to smile or anything if that is what you want."

"I don't know. Let me try." You blink in surprise, only to find Dave shoving his thumbs into the sides of your mouth and pulling the corners upwards into a faint smile.

You hiss in anger and slap his hands away before you can bite them too harshly with your teeth. "Fuck you!" you spit out, wiping your mouth hastily. "Don't you dare stick your fingers into my mouth or I will bite them off next time!"

He smirks. "Ok, that looked like a smile for, like, three seconds, before it became a rattling drawer of knives again." You scowl at him, baring your teeth. "And I know what a drawer of knives looks like! Did I ever tell you my Bro kept his swords in the fridge? Fucker was insane. Insane, but, cool."

"Why would I want to know about your 'Bro'?" Air quotes are placed about 'Bro'.

He shrugs. "It's just trivia, dude. Just in case we survive this game and years in the future it's a question on your troll version of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'. As the final question, you'll be sittin there, sweating in your chair-"

"That would be Equius, not me. I don't sweat."

"Shut up, dude, I'm not finished with my metaphor!"

You sigh and nod. "Whatever, go on then."

"As I was saying. You'll be sitting there, sweating in your chair, staring down at the answer panel. People in the crowd screaming: A!, B!, C!, D! The interviewer asks you one more time; 'Ok, Mr Vantas, what's your final answer? Which of the kids' guardians was the one who stored swords in his kitchen appliances?'"

You groan in annoyance, giving him a 'are you serious?' stare. "Really? Really Strider?"

He ignores you of course and continues. "And you will remember my voice in the back of your head gently swooning 'Bro did'."

"My head would be swooning from the idiocy that you had to spew this metaphor at me."

"And tons of fucking cash will rain down on your head like you're a dancer in a rap video."

"I don't dance!"

"Didn't say you did! It was just a fucking metaphor Karkat!" Dave finally looks at least a little bit irritated.

"And I am supposed to care about it?"

"Oh my Karkat…"

"Don't you start with that shit!"

"Dear Karkat! Help me!"

"Stop! Just, stop!"

"Restrain me, Karkat, before I punch Karkat in the face!"

"Stop it! This is stupid!"

"Because I swear to Karkat, that I will beat Karkat down for throwing off my groove!" He looked heavenwards for help and you scowl before throwing your hands up in exasperation.

"Fine! Ok! I pray to Karkat that if Dave doesn't stop I will punch his smug little face in so hard that it will never see light again!"

He smirks. "Aha! There you go! You ascended to irony for a millisecond! I embrace you as a brother now, Karkat."

"Don't you dare touch me!" He opened his arms and actually stepped forward to hug you, seeming to look as menacing as he could manage to possibly be.

"Come into my arms, Karkat!"

You step back. "No!"

"Karkat. Hug me. We are brothers in irony now! I must accept you into the fold!"

You shake your head and continue to frown. "No! I will not hug you! Not for such a pathetic reason… or any other reason as a matter of fact!" He smirks again! Shit! Shit! Shit!

"Oh man! You hesitated there!"

"Shut up! I will not hug you!"

"Karkat, come here."

"No, I am not going to hug you!"

"Karkat. I'm not asking you again, come here into my arms and let me hold you, so help me Karkat!"

"Stop it! I am not going to take a single step in your direction!"

He smirked and leapt forward, smothering you into his embrace. "There we go."

"OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD !" You struggle about to get free. "Stop! Stop! I'm not hugging you! _You_ are hugging _me_! I am not hugging _you_!"

"It's almost the same thing."

"No! I am not hugging you! Get off me now!"

"Hey, remember that other time you got stuck in my cape? It was hilarious!"

"No! fuck you! That was all your fault! And that flip hurt like hell!"

"Yeah, you remember it was that day when you started drawing all those penises in Rose's book?"

"I did not draw them! You did you ass! You wouldn't let my hand go!"

"No… you had the pen, Karkat! Everyone saw you draw them. Don't lie."

"You were forcing me to draw those things you call dicks in there!"

"They have lots of names." He leans on you, the cape soon sticking and wrapping about you, much to your further furstration. "Dicks, cocks, penises."

"Stop it! Get off me!"

"In Japan they call them ochinchins for some reason. Japan is creepy. It's like Japan is this place the world doesn't like to talk about. Everything all the rest of us normal people would consider weird Japan is all into. Actually I think John likes anime or some of that Japanese stuff. So does Rose I mean she writes tentacle porn or whatever so she's creepy too. Plus Jade's a furry and I'm pretty sure the Japanese invented those? And my bro collects katanas and shitty swords from Japan so. Damn. Hmm. Japan's not that bad I guess. They also made all of our tech junk so I guess we wouldn't have computers or phones without them. Is all this flying right over your head troll boy or are you picking up what I'm putting down?"

You stare at him, jaw gaping. "I have no fucking idea what ninety-nine percent of the words that spew from your protein chute are at any point in time."

He soon pushes you down, tangling you in the cape in the process before he SITS on you like a mattress. "You need to update your human word dictionary."

You hiss.

post/41514078581/daverappingalonewithcoffee-kakerlindersheim

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yooooooooooooooooou! Fuck you!" You struggle about, trying to pull yourself free, but it is a bit hard if the person sitting on you is bigger than you. "Get off of me you sad sack of hoofbeast shit!"

"See? What even is a hoofbeast?" He totally ignores your stuggles.

You scowl, though your face is entirely wrapped in cape. "It would be the equivalent of a horse, you bulge shit!"

"Ok, then what about other hooved animals though?"

You huff and continue to struggle about. "Musclebeast, hornbeast, that kind of thing! I'm not explaining all of this shit to a nook whiff like you! Just get the fuck off of me!" He laughs at you. You are going to kill him one of these days!

"No, you are my mattress now, Karkat. Sorry, but I'm moving out of my room and into the hallway and you will forever be my tiny, bony mattress."

You growl in annoyance. "I will bite your ass if you dare come near me with your fat rump you kniving little shitstain!"

He snickers at you now! You can't see his face but he is surely smiling at you! Just the thought alone makes your blood boil. "Wow, you're a kinky one. You will literally bite my ass, wow… what would your mother- oh wait, sorry!"

You hiss and ignore the last bit he said. "Don't you dare try any of that shit on me, Strider!"

Dave goes on, "And my rump isn't fat! It's a perfectly acceptable size, you dick."

"Like fuck it is! You are going to flatten me like a pancake, sitting on me like you are now!" He _tuts _at you! _Tuts!_

"I thought trolls were tougher than this."

"That is why I am still here and not flattened, you nookstain!"

"Ok, then you'll be fine."

"You suck soooooooooooooo much! Get off me!"

"I don't know… maybe if I remain here you will give up fighting and relax?"

You scoff at that and struggle even more to annoy him. "No! Get off!"

"Shoooooooosh…" Oh my gooooooooooooooooooooood! Is he seriously shushing you? Holy fuck he is shushing you! You are seriously going to kill the bastard when you can! You are going to tear him apart! You will! You swear that you will! Any day you can you will! He is such a fucking asswipe! Such a stupid bulge-licking, nook-sniffing- "Tell me how your moirail calmed you down when you were raging like this."

"I'm not telling you!" You growl and shove at him.

"Did he have to tranq you for real or did he just do some weird Alternian moirail dance to chill you out?" He laughs and falls off of his perch on your back.

You groan as you sit upright. "I'm not doing this shit!"

"C'mon! Tell me! I wanna be more culturally aware!"

"We just talk! That's all! And no way in hell am I going to talk with you!"

"Ok, well. I've been talking to you forever, dude. Maybe you could get your chill on and just talk back to me?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Minus the physical contact and I might have been calmer."

"Oopsies?"

You roll your eyes and sit there, staring at the ground as you think. Dave is, surprisingly, quiet. After a few moments you glare at him. "You just going to sit there?"

He nods. "Yeah, I'm chillin'."

You huff and return to staring at the ground. "I think this just got awkward…."

"Naw, I'm cool. Can't you just relax? You just exerted, like, a metric fuckton of energy."

You shrug and shake your head slightly. "That wasn't a lot of energy."

"It actually was, you flailed in a generally unmanly way for, like, seven whole minutes."

"And I am supposed to give how many fucks? 'Cause right now I can't hear you over all the fucks I_don't _give!"

He gasps in fake shock. "How loud are those fucks, Karkat? Are you drowning in them? You gotta give a fuck away sometime or else you might die. You'll be crushed by the weight bearing down on you from all those fucks you're hoarding."

You frown a bit. "Good, I'm glad to drown in a pool of fucks. Better than dying from your irony that is swarming around me, trying to get inside me and kill me, or infect me at the very least."

He chuckles, shaking his head as he leans back on his arms, one knee up and the other leg spread out. "Irony doesn't kill you, man. Irony can only lift you up. I thought we went over this. Flip back in your book. You'll see we took notes on irony hours ago. Unless you were doodling dicks and zoning again."

You scoff. "I still don't understand a single thing that sometimes spills from your mouth."

He shrugs. "It's not spilling, it's dropping. Like the bass. My words have aim and their aim is the floor." You nod and continue to frown.

"Good, 'cause aiming them at me would be a useless effort."

He smirks even more. "I can drop beats on your face if you lay down on the floor, but you'll probably scream that lying down is a chore. I could try to make you smile, but you'll leave in a while. Just give me some time Vantas, you know I'm your Knight. Don't be mad, c'mon I'm not even _tryin'_ to start a fight!"

"Are you trying to rhyme to me?"

He rolls his head back in annoyance and groans before facing you properly again. "I'm going to actually cry if you don't know what rapping is, Karkat. I will literally break down and sob into my cape."

You scowl and huff. "Sadly you can't sob-"

"-You're right, that would fog up my shades-"

"-BECAUSE-" You continue, "I have the misfortune of knowing what rapping is."

"Ok, so you know what I'm talking about, don't scare me like that, don't fill me with doubt."

You roll your eyes and groan in annoyance. "Stop, just, don't!"

"Sorry bro, it's like my native tongue."

You scowl a bit, slightly curling your upper lip. "Ah-huh. Be culturally sensitive then and speak my language for once?"

"You language is whack! No offense." He is smiling, there is obvious meaning for offense in those words, you can tell, and you snarl at him fully.

"Go fuck yourself Strider."

He stares at you oddly. "I don't know how they do it in your culture, but humans can't do that anatomically."

You blink, turning to him in confusion and disbelief as you shake your head. "What do you mean?" Don't humans have both a nook and a bulge? What the fuck is Dave on about?!

"Like, telling me to go fuck myself. That's just not gonna happen…"

You are still confused. "Ok, I'm gonna ignore the thoughts in my thinkpan right now that are screaming out things like 'This guy is a total tool!' and 'This guy is such a fucking idiot!' because I am not actually that mean enough or plain enough to just shout those things at you."

He smiles at you. "Oh thanks Karkat! Wow! Is that a tuft of pink fur sticking out of your shirt?" The way he says it you know he is joking. "You really are a carebear!"

You scowl intensely at him. "Shut up! There is a line between being me and an insensitive prick, and I don't go over that line."

He scoffs. "I thought you were always over that line. You have, like, a lemonade stand set up on the other side of the line, selling cold yellow drinks that are actually piss. The price is fifty dollars a cup."

You hiss slightly. "Oh… fuck you!" You whack a hand at his leg, hard but not too harshly to actually really hurt him.

He gasps in false shock."Karkat Vantas! That was over the line!"

You frown. "Which line? There are plenty of lines I can cross and wouldn't think twice about doing so if I get to bother and piss you off."

He snickers. "The closest you've come this whole time to shattering my coolness is when you insinuated that you didn't know what rapping was, and even that was only slightly. You couldn't bother me if you tried."

You whack his leg again, he barely flinches. "Bothered yet?"

He snickers and shakes his head. "Nah."

You scowl. "I will poke you and whack you until I have something else to do. Note; I have nothing to do for the next few years on this meteor, however long a year is!"

He chuckles and earns himself another whack on his leg from you. "It'll be about three years till the fight goes down. Are you gonna spend all that time dedicated to bruising my leg, Vantas? As noble a goal as it is. Kinda pointless. I spent my whole childhood getting my ass beat up and not once was my cool even remotely or slightly damaged."

You groan and sit back on your legs. "You're impossible, Strider, I swear!"

He smirks. "You swear to Karkat?"

"I swear to nothing!"

"And you're right that I'm impossible. I am impossible to beat at this game. I am completely unflappable!"

You scoff. "And you can… 'flap' anyone else then I assume?"

He chuckles and sort of smiles at you. "You're like the _most_ flappable, Vantas. You're like constantly in a state of flapping. You're like that one retarded bird in the nest that can't fly and mama's trying to knock you out of the nest and get you to go get a fucking job. But of course you just stumble around, flapping your wings and eating all your parents food."

You scowl at him. "Enough metaphors! I am… inflappable? Just you try and prove me wrong!"

He laughs even louder at this and you scowl even more. "Dude, do I need to educate you again?"

"Try me!"

"Unflappable is like, completely calm, like no shit can get in your grill without your permission. Y'know?" You remain unamused. "My grill is like Fort Knox," he says for an example.

"A what?"

"Your grill is open like the windshield of a truck going 800 miles an hour on the freeway."

"Is that even possible?"

"Bugs just on their fuckign way home are flying by and smack into your windshield and die and they are all so up in your grill, it's unbelievable. Your grill is full of dead bugs, Karkat. Now, what does that tell you?"

You scoff at him. "That you are a moron that constantly uses utterly pointless metaphors to explain even more utterly pointless shit?"

"If I'm using metaphors to explain things you don't understand then they're not pointless and you proved yourself wrong. Vantas, you just got served by your past self."

"Fuck past me and future me! They can go fuck themselves or each other for all I care!"

You bet he just winked at you because he responds with, "Wow, that's pretty kinky too."

You would have vomited there and then if it weren't for the shame of doing so that would follow it. "Can you just try to ignore the hormones running in your teenage system right now? Just for some form of civility to take place?"

He continues to smirk. "These aren't _my _hormones." You scowl at him, about to say otherwise when he continues, "They're yours, we're sitting in a puddle of them. Started leaking out as soon as you said your past and future selves should fuck."

You growl at him. He is such an insolent piece of shit!

"It is impossible for that to happen, you shitstains, just think of that before saying something. AND I AM NOT HORMONAL!"

He shrugs. "I don't know. I _am _the Knight of Time. I think it might actually be something that could be possible." You frown. Is he seriously thinking of trying to bring a past and future you here to see if they could fuck each other? And he _wants to watch _it all go down?! Well you know what? Fuck that! Fuck that idea up the ass with a cactus till it turns into an echidna!

"Don't you fucking dare try any of that shit! They would most likely try to kill each other instead of trying to fuck each other for your perverted and sick mind to watch! Then paradox space would occur and we would all be screwed because of you!"

He shrugs. "Yeah you're right, dead Daves are one thing, but dead Karkats are another. Besides, what if the clown tried to kill me for getting you killed? How freaky would that be?"

"Yeah, think about that."

A juggalo popping out of a vent to murder me."

"Ok, stop thinking about it now."

"I think I have, like, an anti-boner thinking about that guy."

What? You blink. "A what what?"

"Like I'm so freaked out by the thought that he could leap out at me from any of the vents that my dick literally just dove for cover up inside me."

Aren't… aren't they supposed to be inside you? Um… "What?" You raise an eyebrow at him, he notices and becomes highly unamused.

"Put that eyebrow back down, Vantas, or, I swear to Karkat, that I will put it back down myself!"

You smirk slightly and raise both eyebrows at him just to piss the bastard off even more. He frowns behind his glasses. Perfect. "Now there are two up!"

"Vantas. I'm warning you. The lever of your eyebrows is too damn high!" You blink at him, unfazed by his words. "Oh?"

"Vantas, don't test me. I studied all night for that test I've got 2 Adderall in me!" You have no idea what the fuck an 'Adderall' is. "I can pass this test with my eyes fucking closed!"

"I would like to see you try!" You cross your arms over your chest. "These eyebrows are staying right the fuck up till I say they can come right the fuck back down!"

He huffs, agitated, which is only a thing you see on Dave's normally smooth features when a fight between the two of you is about to go down. "Vantas, do you have your hands in the clap ready position? 'Cause I'm 'bout to do an aerobatic fuckin' leap off the goddamn handle and it's gonna be _amazing_."

You snicker, only to gasp in surprise at Dave as he flash-stepped to right in in front of you before tackling you. You hiss as you fall onto the floor on your back and he is actually _trying _to _smush _your eyebrows back down! Literally! "Gah! Get off me! Get off me!" You screech at him, he still tries to lower your eyebrows.

"Put those eyebrows back down, Vantas!"

You shout at him againand you smirk at one point, satisfied in your success at riling him up like this so easily before returning your mouth to a frown. You keep your eyebrows up though for the heck of it. "You ass! Let me go! I'm not putting these down no matter what!"

He frowns and tries to press your eyebrows down again, almost shoving his fingers into your eye sockets. "Karkat! Just put your eyebrows down!"

"No!" you shove at him. "Get the fuck off of me!" He blinks and stops, you also stop for a moment as he stares at your face before smirking. The pile of shit!

"Do you know how ridiculous you look screaming with your eyebrows up, Vantas? I'm just trying to help you here. Put them _down_."

You scoff. "That is the whole point! I'm trying to see if you are capable of doing something if you put your useless thinkpan to it! Right now, you are failing! Miserably!"

"Just put your eyebrows down!"

You make to say something else, only to find your whole body smothered in his cape. FUCK! "FUFCK NYOUF!" You flail around. "AM NOF A CAPFE RAMFCK!"

"You are until I say you're not. Now put your eyebrows down Vantas and I will release you." Is he fucking serious? He is acting like he has you trapped! Fuck him! Fuck Dave! Fuck Dave fucking Strider!

image/42000641756

"NOOOF!" You shove at him roughly, this does nothing to free you or get him to release you. Fucking hell…

"Put. Them. Down!"

You grab at his leg, pulling it out from under him and whacking him onto the floor beside you. "GEFT THIF OFFFFF MEM!"

His body relaxes once he hits the floor. Dave once again chuckles at you and you thrash about, still stuck in his cape. "See now. You're all tangled up in the cape again! Why do we ever even let you out of your cage, Karkat?"

You growl and whack him on the chest. "FUFCK YOUMF!"

He tuts you again. "Karkat, this is not my fault. This is your fault. You caused this."

You hiss, "YOUMR ANF ATH!"

"Now you're not even speaking English or Alternian for all I know. Have you reverted to an even more forgotten language?"

"YOUMF WOFLD NUT MUNFDERTHTAND ALTHERNANE IDFOT!"

"I'm just gonna wait for you to exhaust yourself…" He is probably crossing his arms, relaxing and ignoring your struggles.

"Gaaaaaaaah!" You struggle about again. "HAFT YOUM!"

"Hmmm… that one was almost understandable. Almost." He is just fucking with you and you can't open your eyes without fabric searing them! You whack a hand at his side, growling again. "Y'know, if you just calm down you can get the cape off. But nooooooo, Karkat Vantas is an intelligent being, he can untangle himself by thrashing around blindly."

"FUT UPM!" You pull at the cape, tugging at his neck harshly.

"Hey, dude. Don't rip my threads! Actually, I don't know if you can. These are god pajamas after all." You grumble, thrashing about a bit more. No hope. You sigh and just flop down on the floor. It goes quiet for a few seconds as you just lie there, thinking.

"Ok, you ready to chill out and let me fix it for you?"

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…" You stay still, just waiting. You aren't giving him full satisfaction right away. Oh hell no!

"You got those eyebrows down?" You huff at him. Just, get you out already! "Are you sure Vantas?" You growl a bit again.

"Juft- Juft geft thims omf mem…" You manage our from being smothered with the cape. He untangles it from you, and you swear he did it with the most amount of tugging to bother and piss you off even more. You pull yourself back, sitting about a foot from him. You run a hand through your hair, gaze irritable as you stare at the floor. You can tell he is just managing to suppress the urge to snicker in amusement at you and your face and your actions and everything about you.

"Well," He begins, you raise your irritated gaze to his face. "that was a fuckastrophe."

You glare harshly. "I hate you sooooooooooooooooo much right now…"

He scoffs. "You literally have more poorly functioning motor control than fucking Cal."

Who the fuck-? No, don't you even… "I'm not even going to bother to ask who that is. And don't you even _daaaaaaaaaaaaare _laugh at me over this!" You hiss a bit at the end, this only makes his mouth quirk into a threatening half smile. Only managing to make you scowl even more at him.

"Don't laugh?" he asks slowly, lips quirking further upward.


	4. Chapter 4

"Don't laugh, don't smile, don't chuckle, don't smirk or scoff or anything to show off your amusement of this!" His smile only grows wider. The fucking cunt shit spewing, asshat! You growl. "Wipe that smile off of your face this instant, Strider!"

"Sorry Karkat, this cheeky grin is impossible to remove. Billy Mays tried his luck with all that commercial Kaboom shit and even _he_ gave the fuck up and ollied the fuck outie." Dave continues to smirk at you, though both sides of his lips are almost even now. Almost like a real smile.

That just irritates you even more, and out of spite, you continue to frown at him. "I will physically force that smile off of your mouth if you do not remove it from the vicinity of your face within the next few seconds! And trust me! It is not going to be pretty!" You squint your eyes at Dave, daring him.

"I don't think anything you trolls consider pretty is on par with our human view of the word…"

You scoff, "So stop with your despicable smiling and you won't have to find out what the word _ugly_ means for trolls!"

"Use your words, not your tiny nubby fists, Karkat." Dave's grin is still firmly planted, though tilting toward snarky yet again.

"Who said I would use my fists? I could just as simply use my fingers to smash your into any shape other than a smile, not unlike what you attempted to do to me before, with my eyebrows! You are lucky I didn't bite your stubby little sausage fingers off then!" You lean forward to try and intimidate Dave, though you think it probably won't work. But surprisingly he drops the grin immediately.

"Alright, alright, you win, Vantas," Dave admits, if just because he thinks you're too wound up already for another hands-on fight.

You blink in surprise, but soon recover and a smug grin transforms your maw. You finally got one up on one Dave Strider! This was a priceless moment!

"Haha! If only because you know that you would end up worse than me if we got into a _real _fight!"

However, he ignores that comment and addresses a comment you made a minute before. "Yeah, yeah, that's it, sure, ok tantrum queen... But seriously do you _really _mean my fingers are stubby looking?" He literally lifted his hands up, holding them before his face and inspecting them.

You roll your eyes and huff, he is such an idiot. You glance at him again, he is actually concentrating on his hands. You give a not-giving-a-fuck look to him and hold your hands up before his face, showing him the pointier finger shape and sharper nails.

"Compared to troll fingers, yeah, they are stubby as fuck."

Dave frowns upon seeing your hands before looking back at his and comparing the two for a few more seconds before dropping his hands into his lap. "Gross. What do you need such long and sharp fingers for? Scraping bugs out of trees like lemurs? Reaching that one spot on your back to scratch that's just a bit further than human arm distance?"

You scowl at him and shake your head. "No, theyre for defense! It is a natural evolutionary physicality like how you humans have things that you needed in primitive situations but no longer now in civilized eras. We have large nails and pointier fingers because they were used as weapons before we were a bit more civilized. Can you wrap your little thinkpan about that simple idea or is it too much information to absorb with your audio sponges?" You drop your hands back into your lap and continue to glare at him.

"Sponges…" He seems to ponder this for a moment. "Yeah, I get it. Like how humans used to have tails and don't now but we have this weird fucking bone where it used to be?"

You shrug, nodding slightly. "I...guess? I don't know about your history and shit. Don't give a fuck either!" You insist and continue to glare at Dave.

He notices and smiles again, much to your annoyance.

"What the fuck are you smiling at?"

"You, who else is in this godforsaken random hallway, Vantas?"

"What about me are you smiling at, doofus?!"

"You're so fucking weird. You're like a different brand of weird. You're like bread-in-a-can weird."

"And everyone else isn't? Good going on being a stupid fuckass, as always. It is better to be yourself than to be the same as someone else; it is like you are stealing their identity. I am just being myself, no one else can be me if I am the real me. You wouldn't understand that though, you are probably just copying your older brother as much as you can, right? Humph! Of course I'm right!"

Dave holds his hands up as a shield against your words. "Whoa, ok, that hit close to the blood pusher... But nah, once again Karkat you would be wrong with your assumptions about my life and my Bro. Lemme just rip that arrow you just shot at me out of my chest first, then I'm gonna tell you what's what." After making an extremely dramatic pulling motion from his chest, Dave straightens up and turns to face you more directly. "Nobody can be my Bro. He's the only one. I can't even hope to get close to being on his level."

You scoff and look to the side, away from him. "You know your brother was a total geek when he was younger, right? I mean, he was a young teenager when he was able to build fully functioning robots. Only nerdy people are able to do that. You know that about human culture, right?" You smirk sideways at him.

"No way, building intense shit when you're still a kid is fucking cool as hell…" Dave blinks behind his sunglasses and scoots forward to you, you stay still. "Didn't that really weird troll friend of yours build robots and stuff too? Like Rezi told me he made Vriska's arm and Tavros's legs, allegedly. And that he made a suped up metal bod for the fairy time girl who visited me in my dream bubble all the time."

"Equius, you mean? He's a fucktard! A guy that literally GETS OFF on being ordered around. Not to mention that he never stops sweating. The dude's dead now, Gamzee killed him. Dude was smiling when he died! Do I need to inform you of all the dead trolls now? So that you know how weird that they all are and how lucky we are to still be alive?"

"He can't have been that bad, I mean, I think he was the only one of you who actually managed to successfully troll me way back when."

"Yeah, no. The dude was a fuck up. Just leave it at that."

"He sounds like he helped a lot of people. I mean, I'm just saying."

"He helped because he was ordered to do it. He _likes _to be ordered around. And I quote what he said; 'you will continue to order me to do so. I command it. … I need a towel.' He was fucked up in the head."

"What's so wrong with that? I mean, I'd much rather let someone else better suited to the job tell me what to do than stumble around on my own, not that I stumble. Which I don't. Ever. Don't tell Rose. I even mentioned that." Dave sighs and places a tired hand on his forehead.

"Whatever. But just listen, don't look up to the douche. He died 'cause he followed orders, and didn't listen to his moirail. Stupid…" You glance away from Dave, your face visibly softening as you remember.

"Who was the guy's moirail?"

You scowl. He mispronounced the word. "Moirail! And it was Nepeta…" You note how Dave looked at you oddly and realize he doesn't know Nepeta. "The girl that likes cats and acts all innocent and likes to RP. Also killed by Gamzee…"

"Man, you are the worst parole officer in troll history, I bet."

"Shut up! It wasn't my fault! I didn't mean for them to get killed, I never meant for anyone to get killed!" You have how your voice sounds so unnerved and desperate. You swallow and continue to look away from Dave.

"Of course not, dude." You barely note the little softening in his voice. "I mean, unlike Terezi who literally threw John under the bus, I mean, she's a rabid hyena, where's her moirail?"

You ignore his second and definitely intentional mispronunciation. "Not everyone has a moirail. You are _lucky_ if you find your correct moirail. Nepeta and Equius were definitely correct moirails. That is clear enough, no one else had a proper moiraillegance. Not Feferi and Eridan nor Kanaya and Vriska."

"So, wait, explain what a mwah-rail is again?" Dave sounds confused, but as you turn and look at him he looks so snarky it's hard to tell if he really is or not.

"At least you said it right," you sigh. "It is a form of guardianship, but it isn't simply about being 'platonic soul bros forever', as you would say. Moirallegiance may also entail pacifying one's partner, like what Nepeta does for Equius. When one of the two gets angry, the other has the job to calm them down. Sort of why I became Gamzee's moirail, because he was mad and in a murderous rampage and no one else would calm him down, so I had to."

"How do you do that? That sounds really dangerous. Like grade A Fear Factor shit. Alright dude go calm down the angry murderous clown!" He scoffs, Like, how the _fuck_?!"

You shrug. "Paps, shooshes and a hug. Simple. But it is sort of one sided right now, not sure how I feel about that…"

"What's a pap and shoosh…?"

"Really?" You look at him with a gaze saying just as much.

"We don't have that on planet earth okay? We calm our murderers down with jail and bullets. Now don't be a pansy and tell me what a pap shoosh combo is!"

You blink at him before placing your right hand on his left check softly. "Shoosh," you say and pat his check a few times, stopping yourself from smiling at how wide his eyes were going behind those shades. You could literally see the whites of his eyes around them, even through the dark lenses. "Shoooooooosh," you say again.

"Oh…" he says quietly.

You drop your hand from his face. "There. See? That calmed you down didn't it?"

"You have no idea. Or actually, you probably do, but yeah, wow... Dang." He leaned against the wall and slid down it till he was sprawled out on the floor. "Dang. What the hell? Are your pores full of liquid laughing gas…?"

You blink. "Um… no, they are not. You ok there? Just sprawled out?" You lean over to look at his face with an odd expression.

"Karkat, get a dictionary," Dave suddenly orders.

"Why?"

"Because you need to look up the definition of chill right now… Because the reference image for chill...is _me right now_."

"Ok, maybe later... It is just, odd, seeing you like this, is all."

"Damn is this how Rose felt when she was drunk? I can see how she fell down the stairs in this condition. This is no condition to be climbing stairs in, Vantas. You have maimed me and I am vulnerable right now. If there were any stairs nearby the assholes would surely take this as an opportunity to whip my ass." He is staring up at the ceiling in fascination. "This is all your fault," Dave accuses matter-of-factly.

"Hey! I did not make you drunk or anything! I just showed you what a pap and a shoosh was! I wasn't doing anything bad! Besides, no one is going to chuck you down stairs for the heck of it. Can you not act so drunk like now? It is just weird. I will pap you again if you do not act normal again!"

Dave's voice sounds dreamlike, "Man it is not ok for your clown boyfriend to be holding out on you with the paps and shooshes. Those things need to be everywhere on you Karkat, you need to be drowning in paps and shooshes. Your tiny little body should be shoosh papping central, your mwah-rail should be papping you all the live long day, you need shooshing and paps like I need apple juice and raps, man."

"I don't get or need shooshes or paps! Simple enough."

"You totally do, you need chilling out with more than anyone else on this meteor."

"No one would dare touch me with their hands. I am perfectly fine with that."

"C'mon, I'll do it for you, cmere."

You frown a slight bit as he waves a hand about lazily. "Don't touch me."

"C'mon, Karkat."

"I don't like contact."

"But it's a pap shoosh."

"Still…" You shift into a more comfortable position.

"I promise that the contact of my hand against your scaly troll cheek will only last a maximum of 2.64 seconds. Trust me. I'm a time god."

He holds his hand up again, this time with purpose, and you just stay still, staring at his hand. "Aaaaaaaaaahhh…"

"Incoming shoosh," Dave says quietly before gently papping his hand against your cheek, which he discovers is not scaly at all, just soft but also firmer than human skin. You blink in surprise but stay still as he uses all the power of the time gods (eat your heart out Doctor Who) to make the pap only last the amount of time he had promised. You look at him still when he pulls away.


	5. Chapter 5

"Ok…" you weren't sure what to make of this, really. "You all done now?"

Dave thinks about it for a second before smiling slightly. "Nah, maybe like three more." He paps you a few more times. Dave grins again. "See? Not that bad right?" You blink. "You calm now? You're not snapping my hands off."

You nod slowly. "Not sure if I wasn't calm before..."

"But you've definitely for sure got your chill switch flipped right now, right?"

"I guess?" You blink again.

"Hey, can I touch your horns?" he asks, grinning wider.

Your eyes widen in shock. "What?! Why?!"

"'Cause I wanna know what they feel like. Rose got to touch Shaka-Kanaya's."

"No! My horns are sensitive! Even more so than Kanaya's or any of the other trolls' horns!"

"Why? Because they're tiny?"

"I don't know, something like that. But they are sensitive to touches!"

"Dude, I promise to handle your handlebars very gently, ok?"

"They aren't handlebars…"

"Your headgear. Head nipples-"

"-Head what?-"

"-Candy corn."

"Nipples? The fuck are they?"

Dave blinks in surprise at you. "Oh dude." You raise an eyebrow at him. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh dude!"

"What?"

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH DUDE!"

"What the fuck are nipples?!"

Dave literally covers his mouth somewhat to hide his massive smile. "You don't have nipples? Holy shit!"

"What the fuck are nipples?! Tell me!"

"Dude, I don't even know where to start."

"Do you have any?"

"…Yeah but like…" His smile turns wary.

"What? Where are they?" You glance all over Dave in search of the 'nipples'.

"Dude, ok, uh." He sits back nervously. "I'm, dude, I'm not going to show you my nipples."

"What are they? Are they some kind of reproduction tool or something? You don't have to show me them if it is something like that! Fuck no!"

"It's not. They're not. I. I don't actually have any words to describe how uncomfortable this just became," Dave frowns.

"But seriously. What the fuck are nipples?"

He stares at you, and you gaze back with incredulous curiosity for a long time before he gives in. You raise an eyebrow at him as he grabs the hem of his god tier shirt and lifts it up to his chin. You blink in surprise at the sight of the two round dots on his chest and the _hole_ in his stomach.

"What is _that _now?! The fuck is that hole!?" You poke the hole on his stomach. Dave lurches over in shock, a laugh caught in his throat. "Whoa! What?"

"Oh fuck! Ok! Don't touch it! It's a belly button. I'm ticklish, jegus."

"A belly button? That sounds stupid. Doesn't even look like a button! And those?" You poke at the round dots on his chest.

"You're stupid and need to shut up and- STOPS SDMSDGSDFD TOUCHING ME HAHA…SDAGF stop."

You pull back in shock. "Did that hurt? Shit, sorry?"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "No, dude, just human stomachs are ticklish if you poke at them, especially without any fucking warning."

"Oh… sorry again?"

"I'm the one putting myself on show and tell here so sit the fuck down and keep your hands and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Ok, these-" He points at one of the rounds dots on his chest. "-these are nipple. They're fucking pointless. Unless you are a chick, and I'm not so… pointless. This-"

"Why on a girl?"

He sighs. "I don't know, ask one of them."

"Ok, and that?" You poke towards the hole again.

"It's, as far as I know, also pointless." You blink and Dave stares at his own chest in growing irritation. "…What the fuck is up with our anatomy? Karkat, you failed at creating humans, this is your fault."

"Where are your grub scars? Oh wait…" You remember that humans aren't wrigglers when they are young.

"Yeah, we aren't hatched like you guys."

"I know, I just forgot that momentarily."

"Why did you fuck us up so much when you created us? Were you on that slime stuff?"

You frown at him. "No! shut up! I didn't create humans. I just created the universe! Fate decided what was to be put inside of it!"

"Ok, cause if you were gonna be the cause of all these pointless things on my chest I might have gotten upset with you." He drops his shirt back down and you gaze at his covered chest still.

"So… you don't have nipples?"

You lift your gaze back to his face. "No, I don't, nor do I have a 'belly button' as you call it."

"Holy shit. What's on your chest then, dude? SHIT! Are you just smooth like an anime shota? Oh my god!" You have no idea what that is, but Dave looks way too excited about this kind of show and tell business.

"I guess?" You blink, making no move to show him your chest. He stares at you seriously, you shift. "What?"

"Karkat, show me your shota chest. This is for science."

You sigh. "Really?" He stares at you and you stare at him again and you realize nothing is going to happen unless you give in like he did. You finally sigh and lift up your own shirt, baring your smooth chest and the three indents on either side of your stomach. "There."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmydamn …" He reaches out and pokes one of the scars on your sides. You are quick to flinch away, giving a small hiss.

"Careful! Sensitive!" You get out and he nods.

"Sorry, dude, sorry." You relax a slight bit as he touches the sensitive red spots more gently. "Is all of you sensitive?"

You twitch slightly at the continued contact on your scars but shake your head. "No, just the horns and scars."

"Hmm, weird. I thought you guys were supposed to be really a violent species. That's a fucking huge weakness to have both your sides and the supposed weapons on your heads as vulnerable points." He eventually bores and sits back, yawning.

"No, the bases about the horns are sensitive, not the horns themselves. Unless you cut them off then yeah, they hurt a whole fucking lot. Think of them like teeth."

"Ok, yeah, that's better than having two stubby siren downfalls sticking out of the top of your head, sailor."

"Sailor?" You give him an unamused look. "Really? No."

"Weird alien stuff," Dave leans back onto the floor and kicks his legs up, propping them in your lap.

You glare at the feet before back at Dave.

"So is Rose right about you guys having tentacle dicks?"

You blink in surprise before frowning, squinting your eyes at Dave.

"Dicks?"

"We went over this. Penises. Dicks. Cocks. All the same." You groan.

"Why are we talking about this?"

"I'm just asking, bro. We're having interspecies body abnormalities sharing time."

You pull an epic facepalm. "Yes, fine! It is what humans would call a 'tentacle'. There, you happy?"

"Are you being real with me here or are you just telling me what I wanna hear?" He smirks at you and you pull your face up to glare at him.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

His face falls into utter horror. "Wait no, I didn't-" He stumbles for words and your eyes widen as you also realise what he said. "Vantas, that came out wrong."

You roll your eyes and return to glaring at him. "Now what the fuck do you have?"

"Not a tentacle."

"Then what?"

"Not. A tentacle."

"What the fuck is it then?"

"Ok, where's all this interest coming from?" Dave asks you with a huff. You blink and frown at him.

"Am I not allowed to be curious about the beings living in the universe that_I _created?" It was only partially true.

Dave smirks. "Whatever, I heard you pretty much scoped John for his whole life. And you knew what dicks were shaped like so I'm pretty sure you've seen John's dick. Ya nasty."

You frown and growl at him slightly. "I am not a pervert, you sick fuck!"

"You scoped John, that's creepy."

"I _skimmed _his life! There is a _big _difference!"

"Ok, so, you caught, what, a glimpse of it?"

"No! I am not! A fucking! Pervert! At least give me a little respect!"

"It's not perverted if it's for educational purposes."

"But I didn't look!"

"If you're sure. I promise I won't judge you."

"I DIDN'T FUCKING LOOK!" You shout out.

"Okay, okay, don't burst a blood vessel, shoosh." Dave paps your cheek once and you manage to calm down again, giving a sigh. "I believe you, sweet greyscale virgin."

"What?" You lift your head to look at him oddly. _'__The fuck is a virgin?'_

"What part of that did you not get?"

"Virgin? The fuck?"

"Oh, it's like what they call you before you do the dirty for the first time," he explains.

"What?"

"Did that not compute either?"

"Yeah."

"Do the dirty, sex it up, copulate, mate, schlong fencing, is any of this getting across?"

You flinch, "That's just sick!"

Dave is slow to react. "Oh, do trolls not do that?"


	6. Chapter 6

**(AUTHORS NOTE: ALRIGHT SO HERE IS WHERE THE POV BECOMES 3RD PERSON, JUST TO MAKE THINGS EASIER I APOLOGIZE FOR THE INTERRUPTION)**

"Have sex? Yeah! Bad! Not good!" Karkat is flipping the fuck out now, "Nope!"

"Whoa man, chill." Dave frowns and reaches out to him, "Nobody's gonna jump you in the hallway for mating time... Why the fuck are you so freaked out?" He paps Karkat's cheek again and he slightly calms down.

"No, for trolls the only time that we ever have to do such things is at a moment of life where _not doing it_ could get you killed. So, its scary! Sort of like instincts like...how you stay away from adults and automatically know to fear them."

Dave stares at Karkat incredulously, "What the fuck?"

Karkat is calm enough to huff in irritation, though his eyes are still wide. "Instinct, embedded into trolls. Mainly, stay the fuck away from adults if you want to live and no sex! Thoughts of death usually accompany these things."

"Damn…" Dave shakes his head.

Karkat nods. "Yeah! Those topics sort of just, freak us out."

"Ok, no problem… But how come you guys are so worried about your quadrants and stuff when you're terrified of intimate junk?"

Karkat shifts about uneasily. "Cause at a certain time the drones come and you have to have both of your concupiscent quadrants filled AND be able to copulate with both of them, all the while the drone is in your hive, threatening you with the penalty of death if you do not manage to give him any of your genetic material. Basically saying 'sex or death!', thus meaning when we think of sex we automatically refer to death as being related to it."

"Holy shit."

Karkat lowers his gaze to the floor. "Yeah… sucks huh?"

"That's wack as _fuck_."

"No shit. Not to mention the fact that the adults _eat_ the young. Grubloaf and all." Karkat flinches slightly and cringes, imagining what would have happened if a troll maybe liked the bright red grub for lunch instead of the olive one or maybe the rust one. "If we freak out about something, there is good reason behind it. Any other shit you don't get?"

"No, I'm good... I don't wanna know any more about that stuff..." Dave looks concerned, "Man, your species had it hard, huh?"

"I suppose, compared to yours, yeah, a _whole _lot worse."

"Yeah worst we'd get in our lives was like, at school when someone thinks you're lame or dorky or whatever and you get knocked around. Or some girl, or dude, you like turns you down for the spring formal or whatever. Or you fail math and repeat a grade."

"That is the least of our worries."

"Yeah, well, congrats on making it past… grubhood? Karkat. You're a man now and I am so proud." Dave pats Karkat's shoulder once in a way he assumes a fatherly figure would.

Karkat sighs, "Not an adult yet, fuck…"

"There's probably no drones anymore though right? And nobody out to kill you guys? Except y'know, yourselves, but…"

"Yeah, but I still gotta become an adult. That is gonna suck like hell…"

"Why? Is there some nasty, gross, second puberty for you to go through?"

"You can say that again."

"Yo, what happens, does your tentacle burst through your pants so you can ride it into the sunset, hell fucking yes?" Dave raises an eyebrow at Karkat and smiles.

He recieves a scowl in return, "No! We moult. Simple."

"OH SHIT! Like birds?"

Karkat is amazed by his sudden curiosity. "We shed our skin and grow or some shit. Skin becomes slightly darker, we get a bit more sharper, eyes change colour. That kind of thing." Dave's jaw drops open a slight bit and Karkat nods. "Yeah…"

"Holy crap, that's pretty cool." He sits up, facing Karkat fully. "How much longer 'till that happens to you?"

Karkat shrugs. "It all depends on blood colour. Mine is at the bottom, so maybe in the next sweep? It's gonna be a pain in the ass and hurt like hell."

"What colour are your eyes gonna be? They're grey for you now right?" Dave tilts his head and searches Karkat's face with his eyes.

Karkat faces him again to prove his eye color. "Grey, but they'll soon be a bright red colour, a signal to all others of my mutant fucking blood…" And his eyes are back on the floor.

"Do your friends even care though?"

Karkat glances sideways, to see that Dave actually still looks concerned. "No, but it's a weakness. Makes me lower than everyone else…"

"So? You're leader right?"

"Might be, but it's up to them. Not really got anything to lead right now."

"Yeah, not yet," Dave stretches his legs out, "But I'm sure when the others get there and we have to rally that they'll be behind you."

Karkat nods. "Hope so, but I'll probably be an adult before the others are so…" He turns his head sideways, slightly saddened.

"Hey, it's alright dude. You won't be the only one around here with mutant features." Dave bites his lip.

Karkat shakes his head, missing the hint, "Nah, they just might… act differently around me. Remember what I said? Instincts?"

"Don't they already know what your blood colour is?"

"They know, they should know. But it's not that… They'll be… afraid of me…" Karkat stares sadly at his shoes.

"Afraid of you doing what?"

He scowls in an instant and turns to glare at Dave. Idiot. "Of me! I would be an adult! They wouldn't be! What happens if I start yelling and shouting at them? they would be afraid I would kill them! It is their instincts! Imprinted into them to fear adults! And when I am one? They will fear me too!" Karkat can feel himself freaking out again, his eyes widening, breathing speeding up. His eyes are stinging like he wants to cry.

"Dude." Karkat makes to talk again, only to find Dave had scooted closer, smashing his face between his two hands to make the alien look at him head on. "Nobody is gonna be scared of you. You're like a tiny pathetic fluffy angry carebear thing. You're too adorable for people to be scared of you. Just stop freaking out about it. Because even _if_ you moult or fuckin' whatever, I will _still_ be able to kick your ass at any point in time." He finishes with a smug smirk.

Karkat almost has to laugh, "Never, Strider, never."

"We'll see." He releases Karkat's face and sits back, but then suddenly leans forward into his space again. "Ok, so, your troll moulting sounds tough but… You don't know about human second puberty."

"Oh?" Karkat blinks and stares confusedly at him.

"Yeah, I mean, I wasn't gonna mention it because it's nasty, but I think it'll make you feel better now." Dave revs up his bullshit engine.

"Might as well."

He takes a deep breath before he starts. "We have to build a cocoon out of our own saliva and sleep in it for a couple months. When we emerge we are completely unrecognizable."

"Saliva!? That's gotta take a while."

"Yeah. But when I emerge, my whole body will be as fuzzy as my smuppet pyjamas and my eyes will have moved up to the top of my head. I'll have antennas as long as your arm and six legs instead of two. Best and worst part we get these massive awesome wings so that we can fly right? But. Downside. We can't see them. And if anyone touches them we could die."

"Whoa, what? I never… what? That sounds interesting… when does this happen?" Karkat has never heard of anything like this before!

"Long after yours." He leans back against the wall and stretches.

"That sounds harsh."

"But, hmm…"

Karkat shakes his head, "What else?"

"Actually, there's this weird glitch thing that can happen if you don't make the cocoon perfectly. If you don't make it right, you come out of it as a giant slug because your final form body doesn't end up completely formed."

"What?" Karkat cringes in disgust. "Ok, that is just… what? Shit man…"

"Yeah, gotta start honing my cocoon making skills, this is good we talked about this because I forgot all about it." Dave grins and stands up.

"How the hell do you practice making a cocoon out of your own saliva?" Karkat hurries to stand up as well.

Dave slides his glasses down his nose and gives Karkat a the stupidest look possible. "How do you not?" He turns and starts to leave. "See ya next rotation, Karkles."

You rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

"I got saliva to sculpt."

Karkat scoffs but admits, "I'd like to see that happen." He watches as Dave walks away and to his own room before starting off towards his own, his stomach shifting oddly.


	7. Chapter 7 Part 1

Dave goes to his room and literally rolls all over his bed laughing at how stupid Karkat was for actually believed his stupid human second puberty story. Wow what a dork. Well okay he's a dork but not completely. Like, John is a dork. John is the definition of dork. Karkat is like this…this little…carebear thing. Man does it make Dave laugh to think about any of the trolls being scared of Karkat. They respect him so much it's like they all fucking wait on his command to do anything. Unless it's killing other people. Hmm. It's not like they follow him because they're afraid of him, they just really trust him.

Dave felt pretty alone on this meteor. Trolls he still feels like he's barely met milling around looking forlorn or irritated… Gamzee is awol, and thank fucking gog for that. Terezi being a flake all the time is majorly cracking his coolkid shield against visible irritation, while she's gossiping and doing chalk cartoons with him one minute, she's hateflirting with Karkat and blowing him off the next. Also the vampire lamp is sort of dating his sister?

Maybe?

Rose doesn't like to give out any information about her own feelings and thoughts, despite the fact that she loves digging around in those of other people.

John and Jade are years away on a boat in space. But not even the same space as him. Some other space. Who knows? Jade probably does, Dave amends his thoughts, seeing as she got the Witch of Space title.

All Dave knew was that all the people he was super excited to see and hang out with were unavailable now. Pretty lonely hanging around on this dull grey rock drinking shit coffee and rapping to no one. At least the mayor of fruity rumpus party town was still fun enough to hang around and make fun of, he smirks, remembering Karkat's most irritated snarl.


	8. Chapter 7 Part 2

**(AUTHORS NOTE: OK FUCK EVERYTHING IM JUST MESSING AROUND WITH POV)**

==== BE KARKAT

You cringe as a pain twitched inside of you. You frown and curl over your painful stomach, an arm about it while you sat down in your pile of clothes in the corner of the dark room you had taken to as your own.

You flinch and scratch at your skin irritably, it was itching and making you uncomfortable. A scowl formed on your face and you pulled away your hand before glancing at it. Your skin was peeling away.

"Oh fuck!" You cry out, not too loudly. You look about for something, maybe sopor (by some mIrAcLe) or something, but there was nothing of the sorts. You slowly stand up, much to the disapproval of your body before walking over and locking your room's door. You don't want anyone coming in while you are moulting. That is for sure. You give a small whine of pain before stumbling back and just about falling into the pile on the floor, wrapping yourself up in it and waiting while your skin slowly started to peel.

"Karkat?" You freeze at the sound of Kanaya's voice outside your door.

"Oh fuck…" You say quietly as you burrow further into the pile of clothes. "Go away, Kanaya!" You call, voice slightly muffled by the clothes. "I'm busy!"

"Are you in a pile?"

"Yes! Go away!" You writhe about a bit, covering the most of your body up.

"Karkat, are you alright?"

"I'm fan-fucking-tastic!"

"You sound upset. However that may just be your normal tone of voice. Do you require anything?"

"No! Just- just- leave me in peace!" You cringe and whine in slight pain.

"If that is what you desire, I will leave. Please take care of yourself, Karkat." You hear her footsteps leading off to the library and sigh before cringing again and gasping, curling up into the fetal position underneath all the clothes. You close your eyes and try to rest, however futile of an attempt it is.

==== BE IN THE LIBRARY

Rose and Dave are sitting at one of the large array of tables in the massive room. Dave is trying to convince her to listen to him rap again.

"Okay, seriously, nobody wants to listen to my raps."

"Not necessarily _nobody_…" Rose grins.

"You don't, Kanaya doesn't," he gestures toward her as she enters the room. "Maybe I should go find the juggalo and see if he likes my rhymes. He seemed like he was a cool enough guy before he went nuts." Dave leans onto his hand. "Y'know, even if he doesn't let me rap to him at least then I'd have something to do. Since I don't spar with Bro anymore I can feel my limbs turning into spaghetti. I need a good workout."

"You are not going to find Gamzee," Rose tells him before Kanaya reaches the table and lays her delicate hand on his shoulder.

The rainbow drinker snarls delicately, "If you do, I would very much enjoy accompanying you."

"Thanks Kan but… nah." He takes a giant gulp of coffee. That wouldn't be a spar, that'd be murder... He coughs on the coffee and sets it back down, "Yo Kanaya, uh, I heard, I mean I read in a book. One of these books here," Dave waved his hand listlessly at the numerous volumes surrounding him and his sister. "About uh, trolls moulting." He raises his eyebrows, "Is that a thing?"

Kanaya blinks, "Yes, it is part of our life cycle."

Rose leans on her arm to stare at Dave. He did _not_ read any book on the subject of troll culture. She's sure of it.

"So, when do you think you'll start moulting?" Dave asks Kanaya.

Kanaya hums, thinking. "Not for maybe another two or three sweeps."

"And your blood is green right?"

"Well I would say it's more of an emerald…" she smiled.

"Right, so like. You're in the middle of the blood caste system?"

Rose's eyes narrow. What is he getting at here?

Kanaya nods, "Yes I am directly in the center, I believe. Middle class, as humans would say."

"Okay, so I'm just asking for curiosity's sake, I mean because uh. What's the order of moulting out of trolls here?"

"Well lower blood caste members have shorter life spans, so by that knowledge I can guess that they would moult earliest."

"With the exception of the…clown," she grins widely enough to show her tiny fangs. "This means I would moult last."

"Ok so you're in the middle and you think your moulting will be a thing that takes place in two or three...sweeps?"

"You are correct."

"Uh, what does that mean for the others? When's the first moult going down?"

"Why are you so interested, brother?" Rose asks before Kanaya can speak.

"Because I like dead things and if trolls shed dead skin I want to put it in a fucking jar in my room, that's why, Rose, get off my back, you were saying Kanaya?" he says in a rush before he turns back to the green ahem...emerald-blooded troll.

Rose smirks. Kanaya casts a glance at her before replying, "I would surmise that our fearless leader would be the first to moult… Oh dear." Her hand comes up to rest worriedly against her lips.

"What?"

"I had been feeling a pale pull towards Karkat's room. I just stopped by to check on him and he didn't sound like he was doing very well…"

"What happened?"

"I am not aware of what has caused his distress. He would not let me past the door."

"But you have a chainsaw," Dave stands up, hand near the hilt of his sword, if just for comfort.

"Dave I do not immediately use my chainsaw on people's doors when they are closed to me by good friends who implore me for peace and quiet."

"Okay, well we know we have a mass murderer running around, maybe it would be best if someone checked on Karkat again, maybe forced some TLC on him. What if he's moulting like _right now_?" Dave bounces on the balls of his feet.

"Like right now?" Rose repeats.

"_Right now_."

"Maybe you should go then, Da-" Kanaya begins but Dave's Chuck Taylors are already on the transportulizer.

As Dave jogs down the halls, he runs into Terezi who warns him that the troll cops might arrest him for speeding in the corridors but that she would let him off with a warning this time. The warning she hands him is a shitty drawing with what looks like purple crayons of…maybe…Barney? He's wearing Dave's shades...on his right arm.

Dave just shakes his head and races past her.

He arrives at Karkat's self-designated block about 20 earth minutes after Kanaya had so politely stopped inquired about him.


	9. Chapter 8

==== BE KARKAT AGAIN

You groan in pain and curl up tighter on yourself, you wonder if there is any sopor at all left in this universe or any other for that.

You practically jump as there is a bang at your door. "Holy shiii-"

"-Troll police, open up!"

Oh god its Dave. "FUCK OFF! Go the fuck away!"

"That's not a very nice thing to say to an officer."

You know that it's just Dave playing around ,but you don't want to play around you just want some rest, to get this moult over and done with, to not feel this pain all over you! "I don't give a flying fuck!"

"I have to raid your establishment to make sure you aren't hiding any fugitives in there."

You growl slightly in annoyance, but panic manages to get a grasp on your blood pusher first. "No! Stay the fuck out! I don't want ANYONE in my room!"

"Particularly fugitives that may look like circus escapees."

You hate it when Dave ignores you. He's such an ass! "Gamzee's not here!"

"Are you sure? I'd like to make a more thorough search than just you whipping your eyeballs up and down the room."

"IF YOU DARE COME IN HERE I WILL USE YOUR INTESTINES AS A NOOSE AND HAND YOU FROM THE CEILING WITH THEM!" You groan and roll over in the pile from the pain, still covered by all the clothes.

"You sound healthy enough."

"Fuck you… Just- just leave me alone!"

"I can also whip off my cop hat and replace it with a doctor's hat….do they even wear hats…how the fuck would I know…"

"What…?" You blink in confusion before cringing, groaning once more and rolling back over, stopping your thinkpan from overheating.

"Just lemme in to look at you so I can tell everyone to stop freaking out over your well-being."

"No! I am fine! Just go the fuck away! I'm not unlocking the door!" You groan again. "…not that I can anyways…" You add quietly.

"Ok, I can break it down if that's cool."

"Don't! Go away!" You curl up tighter in the pile of clothes, covering your whole body in them and practically lying on the floor with them all over the top of you.

"Sounds like an invitation to me." You growl but soon hear a loud thump on the door, most likely him kicking it.

"OH! FUCK! OW! FUCK!" Sounds like he hurt his foot. Good.

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! GO AWAY!" You call out form your spot curled up.

"FUCK"

"FUCK OFF!"

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT THAT HURT!"

"GOOD!"

"JESUS FUCKING-"

"FUCK OFF NOW!" Surprisingly, it goes quiet and you sigh, hoping that he had gone away, but no. Next thing you know his sword has stabbed through the hinges and sliced them off before he shoved the whole metal door to the floor with a _clang! _You hiss in annoyance and curl up tighter under the clothes.

"Jeez, that's heavy."

"Fuck you…" You spit out, still hiding.

"Dude, why are you lying in your laundry?"

You curl up, making sure he can't see your peeling skin. "It's a pile, shithead!" You return while still staying curled tight.

"Yeah, a fucking pile of laundry. What the hell?" You can hear his clothes moving slowly closer, you tighten your grip on the clothes about you.

"GO AWAY!" you spit out, "It's for comfort."

"What's wrong with you?"

You huff. "Nothing! Go the fuck away! I'm fine, just want some rest."

"You freaked shaka-Kanaya out," he is ignoring you, got fucking dam it! You can hear him sit down nearby and the familiar beeping of something being captchalogued, his sword most likely.

"Of course I would, she would worry about almost anything with me! Now what do you want?" You clutch the clothes tighter.

"Just checking on you."

"Well you've done that, now go the fuck away, you putrid pile of pink rotten flesh!"

"Why the pile?"

"I prefer it to just sitting on the floor without anything!"

"Why not a bed?"

"I like to be covered!"

"Ok, well blankets are a thing that exist."

"Don't give a single fuck. Clothes were the closest thing I could find.

"Allllllllllllllright. So, uh. You wouldn't happen to be moulting would you?"

You hesitate, maybe you could lie to him? No, no reason to, just don't say anything about it. You curl up tighter instead. "Go fuck yourself."

"Maybe later." You hear him shifting, knowing he is trying to look into the pile just by the sound of his clothes ruffling. "So you are?"

"Shut up!" You tug the clothes tighter, slipping to the bottom of the pile to hide from his peering eyes behind those black shades of his.

"What's it like?"

You groan in annoyance. Shit, he knows you are moulting doesn't he? Fuuuuuuck! Whatever then/ You scratch a clawed hand at your skin. "Hurts and itches all over and-_fuck_!" You pull your hand away, blood on the finger tips from where you scratched right through the layer of skin just then. Maybe you shouldn't scratch so hard next time since your skin was already softer than normal as it is the new, younger, thinner skin from underneath the tough older layers. You grumble and hiss a bit.

"Sounds like you shouldn't do that." Dave says and you hiss at him, though he doesn't know what you had really done, can only guess at it.

"Go fellate your own mating parts and choke to death on spunk!" You huff and cringe at a zap of pain, gripping your hands together to stop yourself from scratching at your itching, peeling skin all over you.

"I can't put my dick in my mouth, Karkat, sorry. Is there a thing you can use to make it hurt less?"

You sigh. "Sopor, but like fuck if we have any of that shit around here!"

"Have any of you tried to alchemize some?"

"No because you can't alchemize it! Stupid." You wince again and groan, slightly raking your nails over an itch carefully so as not to make it bleed but to itch it just slightly.

"Where did you get it before?" you can hear him moving about again, but his hands don't move the clothes, not just yet anyways.

"My Lusus got the stuff, I don't know!" You sigh in exasperation.

"Hm."

"'Hm' what?" You hiss out, rolling over a bit and pulling a piece of clothing out of the way to glare at Dave through the crack in the clothes.

He shrugs before looking at your eyes properly. "Hey, you're eyes are getting red," he states now that he can see you.

"UUUUUUUUUUGH! Don't remind me!" You grumble a bit afterward and close your eyes tight, disliking the bright red colour that they are slowly changing to.

"It's cool though."

"No! I hate it!"

"Fine." You hear him sigh in what must be a purposely loud and exasperated manner. "Red's not a bad colour though."

You frown even more. "It is!" you shuffle a bit.

"It's my favorite fucking colour, dude."

"And I hate it, another reason to hate you!" You are just trying to find any reason to hate him, because you sort of dislike the idea of liking the douche! You don't think you really hate him that much right now, which only goes to further your irritation. You bet that Dave is rolling his eyes behind his shades.

"You're fucking ridiculous."

You bubble up again and roll back to glare at Dave with your eyes open. "I am not ridiculous, fuckhead!" You snarl out.

"Your eyes are a nice sort of red."

You seem him smirk and you squint your eyes just that little bit more. You know he is just complimenting you on your eyes because he knows you hate them and it will bother you even more. "Fuck you! Not once, not twice but fifty fucking times you worthless, incompetent, wet, sad sack of hoofbeast shit!" You continue to frown at him, knowing that turning away would be like giving in and would only encourage Dave even further.

"So you wish me loads of getting laid in response for pissing you off."

"No, I wish you a slow and painful death."

"That's more like it."

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!" You frown and scratch at your forearm irritably, cutting it again. "Shit! I hate this!" You roll over onto your frown and curl up underneath all the clothes again.

"Hey. Stop scratching it." You can hear him shift a bit closer. "You're gonna end up bleeding a river."

"It itches, fucknugget!"

"Stop," his tone is final enough that you listen to him.

"Uuuugh! Fine!" You stop the scratching, gripping your hands together instead to stop yourself even further. You can hear the clothing shift back to the position it was in before, Dave relaxing you suppose.

"Geez you're masochistic."

You growl and sit up, pulling the clothes off of your upper half to reveal the peeling skin that is patched in red, thin layers, blood covering your arms. "It fucking itches you diseased piece of shit!" You spit out at him, wrapping your arms onto your elbows, fingers twitching irritably with the need to scratch an itch. It surprises you that Dave isn't freaked out by the sight of your skin.

"If your nails even scratch one more iota of skin I will have to restrain you," his serious face is back.

You glare at him dangerously. "Don't you dare fucking touch me!" You flinch slightly and hiss, brushing your nails over your arm to itch it without breaking the skin and making it bleed out.

"I will. This is me being one hundred percent unironic here, Vantas."

You frown. "What the ever-loving-fuck-ever! It itches!" You brush over the spot with growning annoyance as it wasn't satisfied and was still itchy.

"Don't you dare," he warns again with that tone.

You frown and grip your hands around your elbows to stop yourself as much as you could manage. You flinch again, cringing, and hold your arms to your chest, glaring at them as if they were the cause of all of this.

"Good," he tells you, "How long is this supposed to last?"

"Only a few days luckily…"

"That's ok, that's like a human cold I guess?"

"Whatever!" You flinch again, fingers flexing as you hiss through gritted teeth.

"Karkat, c'mere, you look pathetic." You blink in surprise and look at Dave, he is holding his arms out towards you to wrap you up in. You have to admit, it was tempting, especially when you heard the pity in his voice. But you shake your head slowly, fingers tapping at your skin, face almost sullen. "C'mere," he wiggles his fingers. You look back at him, slowly, judging, trying to make out if he was playing a trick on you or not, just gonna go 'psyche!' as soon as you try to go to him and push you away. He showed no signs of insincerity though, luckily, and so you decide 'what the heck' and slowly shift over to him, head bowed down in regretful defeat.

You feel him wrap his arms around your upper arms, pinning them to your sides as he pressed your back to his chest, you freeze up for second before realizing you were holding your breath and let it out just as he does. You can't only just hear Dave sigh, you can_feel it_. It's an odd feeling, but not one you would like to lose any time soon, you regretfully admit. "There, now try to relax or something, okay?" he says.

You nod slowly, fingers flicking only slightly from your concentration on something else, someone else. You can hear your own breathing and your heart beating, but you try and regulate the both of them, swallowing to wet your dry throat.

"It still itches…" you manage to get out, remaining still and trying to come up with something else to say that won't make this awkward.

"Think about something else," You can feel him shift and settle back against the side of the bed you never used, and mold into his form, making you even more comfortable.

"Like what?" you try to make it sound like a challenge, but it came out half hearted.

"Like how it's gonna help us be stronger when you're an adult and we gotta fight Jack or whoever," Dave suggests with a shrug that shifts you against him.

You huff. "Well, I can think of that but there isn't much else to add to it to keep thinking of it." You sigh again, flinching ever so slightly.

"Ok, how about like… Terezi? Terezi likes red, you're gonna have red eyes, that'll be cool right, you like her…" As soon as he finishes, you scowl and hiss.

"Do you not remember what I fucking said before? Let me quote myself. 'Who says I want her back? You can just have her for all I care! I'm over all of this fucking shit with fighting over the girl who doesn't even pay a single fucking ounce of attention to me!' I think that says I am clearly not interested pretty well!" You hiss and scratch at your forearm, all of your concentration lost in the little rant that just left you.

"Hey, quit it," he smacks at your hand and you flinch, hissing irritably and grabbing your arms again to stop yourself from scratching. "Ok, you don't want her back, cool, whatever."

"This is stupid…"

"You're stupid…" he mumbles quietly.

"You're a tool! I am not deaf yet!"

"If I'm a tool, which tool am I?"

You scowl, a smirk is definitely on Dave's face, even though you can't see it. "The hammer because then I can bang you against surfaces and walls and not give a fuck!" You pause, thinking. Dave snickers and you freeze upon realizing. "Wait! Shit! No! Fuck! Not what I meant! Fuck you Strider!"

"Sounds like what you're getting at, yeah. If that's the kinda stuff you wanna think about to distract yourself from tearing your skin up, then I'm not telling you not to."

"Will you shut the hell up? Is it not clear I am trying to make out with you to be an idiot and not someone I would want to fuck?" You freeze up, blood shooting to your face in embarrassment. "WAIT! Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!"

"Wow, you're not good at filtering your thoughts, huh?" Dave's smirk is practically audible in his voice.

"Is it not clear I am trying to make you out to be an idiot and not someone I would want to fuck- _That_ is what I meant! Uuuuugh, fuck my life!"

"This isn't even my fault, it's awesome." You scowl when you feel Dave drop his chin on the top of your head and you can feel the grin on his face.

"Wipe that stupid expression from your face before I do it for you!" you growl out, your face is most definitely bright red from embarrassment.

"You could try but your subconscious might make you do other things to my face." You flinch and frown in irritation.

"You're such an ass! Why the hell am I still here with you?" You shift, pulling away from Dave slightly.

"Naw, you're not leaving yet," you feel him tighten his grip about you. "Besides, dude, I'm not even doing anything to you but smothering you in comfort. It's your brain that's being weird."

You grumble and flop back into place against his chest. "And what if the others come? What then?"

"What what then?"

"I don't want to be seen… like this… with you!" You tuck your head down into your shoulders as if to hide from the imaginary Seers and Sylphs that are considered your friends.

"What? I'm just fuckin holding your arms down. What are you flipping your shit about?"

"Nevermind!" You quickly say. "Never mind…"

"Naw, spill it KitKat."

"You are practically hugging me! When do I ever let anyone hug me?"

"Um, I don't know. Probably way not often enough."

"Exactly! Meaning there is an exception!"

"Yeah, caaaause you're fucking _moulting_ and need comfort and your moirail isn't here to stop you from tearing your skin off." You hear him scoff.

"I wouldn't even let him hug me, he isn't around enough for me to judge he can do that…"

"Yeah, so that's why it's me because I kick fucking ass at all this moirail stuff." You shift again as it went into an awkward silence. Oh shit! How do you get out of this? Dave is quiet amazingly, but only for a minute or so before, "So, like, nobody ever hugged you _ever_?"


	10. Chapter 9

==== ANSWER THE QUESTION ABOUT HUGS

Karkat paused before shaking his head. "No..."

"Damn no wonder you're such a bitch." Dave shakes his head.

He growls and whacks a hand at Dave's face. "Stuff you!"

"Stuff me?" Dave chuckles, "Like Jade's grandpa?"

"You know what I mean!"

"I'm actually confused sorry dude?"

He huffed. "It was an insult, but since you can't understand that...~" He reached his hands up and grabbed onto Dave's shades by the rims so as not to smear the lenses as he pulled them off, holding them out of Dave's reach with a smirk.

Dave jerked to make grab for them around Karkat, "Ok no, what the _fuck_ Vantas?"

He pulled the shades out of the way. "Nope!"

"Why, just why?"

"This is the only way I can actually get something through your think human cranium and get a reaction out of you!"

"Ok I reacted, I have officially lost my cool. Now give them back, Vantas, my fucking eyes hurt!" He grabs for them again, squinting hard.

Karkat again pulled them out of the way, slightly confused. "What's with your eyes? Why do they hurt?"

"They're sensitive to light, you colossal ass avalanche, now give them the FUCK. BACK."

He turned his head backwards, getting a glance at Dave's eyes before passing the shades back to their rightful owner. "Hmm, red, no wonder you like the colour."

"Shut up ok, that's not the reason," Dave shoves his glasses back on and grumbles.

Still looking at him. "Then why?"

"Because I just like the color. I _don't_ like my eyes being all fucked up."

"You consider that fucked up? Does the colour affect your sensitivity to light?"

"Yeah but it's a human thing ok? Not something you have to deal with probably."

Karkat scoffs. "Trolls dislike bright lights, not as bright as I suspect you dislike, but we have sensitive eyes too. We find it easy to see in the dark."

"Good for fucking you." Dave snorts, "Haha I mean..."

Karkat smirks. Finally Dave messed up too. "Hmmmmmm~?"

Dave started snorting laughing into the back of Karkat's neck. "Wow ok this is your fault, now I'm doing it."

Karkat snickers. "No, it is your mind playing tricks with you now!"

"Nah dude fucking you is the last thing on my mind right now."

Karkat rolls his eyes. "Whatever..." Smirking still.

Dave's voice pans out, "Not to say it isn't on my mind, it's just at the end of the list."

He tilts his head back to Dave with a subtle smile. "Whatever you say then! But I think dying would be last on that list."

"I've already died a hundred times, it's no biggie," Dave says nonchalantly.

Karkat scoffs and rolls his head back to face forward, relaxing again but still blushing. "Of course you have, dead Daves are every-fucking-where these days, aren't they?"

"I swear I heard that as fucking everywhere and now I can't unsee all the Daves fucking each other. As if I haven't been traumatized enough."

"Can't stop thinking about it?" He smirks and lifts his hand up, just resting his fingers on Dave's glasses, frames to bother him.

Dave ignores this. "Yeah its way hotter than I could have ever imagined."

He twists his mouth to the side. "Try and think of something else?" He taps at the frames repeatedly.

"...Stop it."

Smirks. "Stop what?"

"Tapping my shades." Dave has to force himself not to make a 'tap that' joke.

"Why?" Continues tapping them, avoiding the lenses so as not to scratch them.

"My best friend gave me these."

"Egbert I am assuming?"

"Yeah. Don't fuck them up."

"Why do you think I am avoiding the lenses then? Why HAVE I avoided the lenses?"

"You're not as much of an asshole as you think you are?"

He scoffed. "I don't just go round breaking things that aren't mine now do I? I have some respect for people!"

"Yes thank you."

He smirks and releases his glasses, dropping his hands down. He could barely feel the itches now as he sighed and relaxed a bit, sagging down a bit closer to Dave without even caring.

Dave plopped his head down shades first onto Karkat's head after a while and sighed sleepily.

He smiled just a slight bit, enjoying being this close to Dave right now as he closed his eyes, relaxing.

Dave actually fuckin fell asleep after five more minutes of calm silence. Karkat soon followed after him.

Kanaya and Rose eventually came to see what had happened to Karkat and Dave and when the found the two this way, couldn't help but snicker to themselves and smile.

"I have never seen Karkat so calm before," Kanaya admits.

Rose nods. "This is an interesting development."

"We should leave them in peace."

Rose agrees, though she is mildly perturbed by the scene of violence very near to the two boys, the remains of Karkat's door.


	11. Chapter 10

)authors note: aaaaaand the wierd moulting shit is in full force now. so the skin peeling this is a lot like psoriasis, how it makes extra strong skin grow really quickly and causes the weaker skin to need to be torn off. i can relate to this :S its gross and wierd but not SO bad besides being massively itchy. jsyak haha continue reading!)

Karkat slowly blinked his eyes open, looking about the room before shifting his head slightly. He felt Dave's face on top of it and blinked in surprise before he remembered what had happened and smiled. He then sighed, looking about, not sure whether to wake Dave up or to just lie there.

After a few minutes Karkat got bored and he decided to try and wake him up, reaching a hand and gently tapping it at Dave's head. "Hey! Wake up now!"

Dave jerked to alertness, throwing Karkat off of him as he leaped clumsily to his feet. "Wh-FUCK OK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT?" He held his fists out, ready for a fight.

Karkat yelped as he fell before wincing at hitting his elbows on the ground. "Shit!"

Dave's eyes lazily search before locking onto Karkat. "Oh. Shit."

He blinked at Dave a few times before huffing and rubbing a hand at his elbows that had grazed on the ground. "Yeah!"

"Sorry babe," Dave reached out a hand to help Karkat off his ass. "I'm too used to waking up to strifes..."

Karkat took the hand and stood up. "Yeah, fair enough then."

"Yeah," Dave scratches the back of his neck. "Sorry.

"It's fine." He wiped his elbows again and huffed, looking back to Dave. "How long have we been asleep? You _are_ the Knight of Time."

"Eleven hours and 47 minutes," Dave says immediately. His eyes rove over Karkat. "Damn you _are_ shedding..."

[2/5/2013 6:11:56 AM] Karkat Vantas: Karkat rubs at his arms, the skin peeling more obviously than it had been before. "Yup. Would seem so. Figured that out a while ago though."

"Hey...um...if I help you peel it off can I keep your skin?" Dave asks seriously.

Karkat blinks and raises an eyebrow at him. "The fuck?! Why?!"

"Dunno man, its troll skin and you don't need it..." Dave raises the same eyebrow.

Karkat stares at Dave, thinking, trying to see what he wants it for, if he is lying or not. But why the fuck would he be? He finally sighs and nods. "Whatever then. You can do whatever shit you want with my dead skin. But you gotta help me a bit at least!"

"Of course, that's what I'm right here for," he says obviously. "So sit down and chill out again," Dave yawns, leaning down onto the pile of clothes.

He rolls his eyes but relaxes back into the pile, rubbing a hand over his grazed elbow and rubbing the skin off as he did so.

Dave takes Karkat's left arm and investigates, lowering his eyes and gently scratching off the outer layer of skin. He lets out a low, excited, "Ahhhhhh, cooool..."

He watches with his head tilted, not saying anything for now.

Dave pulls a jar out of his sylladex and sets it down before peeling off as long a strip of skin as he can without it tearing, and drops it in. "This is the coolest thing ever, you don't even understand..."

Karkat raises an eyebrow at him. "You are acting like Rose does when she is, what do you call it? Grimdark? And you're acting a bit like that. And you are actually trying to keep my dead, skin. You realize how this reflects upon you right?" He blinks calmly.

"I couldn't give any less of a fuck, Karkat," Dave laughs dryly as he continues to collect pieces of his grey skin. "I like this stuff, alright? I like some wierd shit."

"Ahuh..." He watches oddly as he goes and scratches at his forearm again, still watching Dave's actions intensely with curiosity.

"I like dead stuff. Did I ever tell you- of course I didn't -that I have a clone of my own brain in a jar?"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Blinks and looks at his shades, eyebrow raised once more. "You're kidding me right?"

"No, it's awesome."

"No, it's creepy. You are literally storing my skin and saving it for later. I thought that was Rose's thing. Are you getting this stuff for Rose?" Karkat looks at him sceptically.

Dave frowns. "No, this is my thing."

"Ok, learning new things every day I guess." He flinched and pulled his legs up, scratching at his shins irritably. "Stupid fucking moulting!" He pressed a hand to his skin as it was bleeding once again from the scratches caused by his nails.

"Hey quit it, seriously." Dave begins to peel over there instead.

Karkat frowned and pulled his hands back, wiping his hands together in an effort to clean them. Karkat hissed upon finding that doing that only smeared the blood. "I hate this!" He folded his arms over his chest, pouting.

"Relax, babe," Dave papped his cheek.

He sighed and nodded, tucking his head into his shoulders.

In little more than five minutes, Dave had gently peeled off all the excess skin he could see and was gesturing for Karkat to remove his shirt.

He hesitated, looking at Dave awkwardly before he pulled his shirt off, putting it on the pile of clothes.

Dave was in science mode right now so he couldn't even be embarrassed. He still laughed at the lack of nipples before moving to peel more of his skin off. "This doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No, it doesn't hurt. Feels odd though..."

"Yeah I would bet."

"You can't really place your finger on the feeling of having your own skin peeled off, even though it's already dead."

"I've been in enough scrapes that I can sort of imagine it?" Dave hummed.

Karkat scoffed. "Imagining is something entirely different to actually having it happen to you." He turned to the side for him to be able to reach more of his body.

"Thanks," Dave comments, since this makes things easier for him. "I know, but like I said I've died a lot of times. In a lot of different ways. I can imagine a lot."

"Of course you can, you've been through everything haven't you?" there was a slight laugh in his voice to notify that he was joking a bit.

"Yeah," Dave answers seriously, though grinning with glee as he extracts a very long strip from Karkat's back.

He shivered a bit. "Ok, that is weird..." He rolled his shoulders and turned so his back was fully facing Dave.

Rose appears in the room as though she had been there the whole time. She's sitting on Karkat's abandoned bed, her legs crossed at the knees and her hands in her lap. "Hello boys."


	12. Chapter 11

Karkat jolted away from Dave, spotting Rose with shock. "Uuuuuuuuuuuugh!" He dove back under the pile of clothes. "Fuuuuuuuck!"

Dave sighed in response, being so used to this by now that he didn't even flinch. "Rose why."

"I merely came to check on you both, seeing as you've been gone for quite a while."

"Get the fuck out! I don't want anyone in here now..."

"Dave is here now," Rose grins.

Dave narrows his eyes at her.

Karkat yells from underneath the pile, "Fuck you all in a non sexual way!"

"Why do you have to be so specific, Karkat? In case someone misinterprets your meaning?" Rose asks slowly.

"That's been happening way too much lately. Apparently Dave is a hammer!"

Dave turns to raise his eyebrows at Karkat's lumpy form. "A hammer...?"

"And of course that Daves are fucking everywhere." He snickered.

Rose looks just as confused as Dave.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten already."

"I don't remember the hammer part..."

"Do I have to repeat our conversation word for word? I can do that."

Rose lit up, "Oh please do."

Dave rolled his eyes toward the ceiling.

"I said that this was stupid. You said I was stupid, I said you were a tool and that I wasn't deaf, you asked what tool you were so I answered you. Remember yet?"

"Oh right the hammer joke," Dave remembers.

"What else could I be talking about?"

Rose looks almost disappointed, like she expected this story to be something more suited to putting down word for word in her smut journal.

"I forgot dude, sorry."

"Sure, sure. I still want to be left alone though..."

"Alone or alone with Dave?" Rose asks, smoothing out her skirt with the tips of her dainty fingers.

"Put it this way." Karkat pulled his head out of the clothes pile to glare at her. "Rose Lalonde... GET OUT! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT! I DON'T WANT YOU IN HERE!"

Rose looked only slightly taken aback, and stood slowly with a sigh. "All right. I shall go and leave you both. May I inform miss Kanaya Mayram of your moulting state?"

"You can do whatever the fuck you want to do, just go the fuck away!" He glowered angrily at her.

Rose curtsied slightly before sending him and Dave a little wink and practically gliding away.

Dave was at the moment watching Karkat warily. He hadn't yelled like that in a while.

He groaned and fell back into the pile, hiding himself again. He was feeling self conscious once again.

"Hey don't let that broad ruin your day Karkles, we still have most of your body to peel off!" Dave faked a smile.

Karkat paused, pulling his face back into view before nodding and sitting himself back freely on top of the pile.

"This is lots of fun isnt it?" Dave began tearing off his skin again.

Karkat Vantas: He shrugged. "It is a relief more than entertainment to me."

"That was a joke Karkat, thank you for not noticing."

"You're not welcome." He shifted again, scratching at his thighs through the clothing with a frown.

"My career as a comedian is shot, Karkat, I have no chance."

"If you ever got up on stage you would have been shot within the second you started talking."

"Wow are comedy patrons in Alternia always packing because I don't think human comedy clubs let people bring weapons in in case the dude with the mic sucks."

"If you don't have a weapon when going outside of your hive you are just _asking_ for a higher blood to cull you."

"Damn okay, I will also never be a space comedian because I don't wanna get shot."

"Good, I don't want to have to clean up your bleeding corpse if you do."

"I can clean up my own bloody corpses thank you very much, Karkat. "

"That makes no sense if you are dead."

"I have explained so many times that I can die and come back Karkat, keep up."

["Does that apply to all Daves?"

"Well, no. Only to me, I'm the alpha."

"Of course. Alpha Dave is said to be the best Dave right? I'd hate to meet the other Daves then. Especially when they are fucking." He snickered again. "I hope you aren't still thinking of that."

"I wasn't," Dave smirked, placing another roll of skin into the jar. "Turn over."

He turned over.

"Alpha Dave is the only Dave that doesn't die."

"It's a good rule to have. Makes you unkillable."

"Unless it's a heroic or just death, apparently."

"Whatever you say then." He scratched at his leg through the cloth again before pulling the cloth up and scratching just above hte knee.

Dave noticed, "Just take your pants off, dude. Gotta peel your legs too."

He blinked before frowning at him. "I'm not taking my pants off!" He was a little surprised by Dave saying this actually, his face heating up again.

"Why?" Dave raises his eyebrows.

"Beacuse I would be nearly naked in front of you!" Yup, his face was heating up with his blood.

"Why does that matter?"

He frowned and turned his head away.

"Wow are you gonna be embarrassed?" Dave laughs harshly.

Karkat hissed and kicked a foot at Dave. "Shut the fuck up! Don't you say that if you were in your boxers with nothing else on right now you wouldn't be embarrassed!"

"I wouldn't."

"Right, one piece of clothing is taken for every piece I am wearing to match the embarrassment level. So try being naked right in front of me and not being embarrassed!" He growled out the last part irritably, but his face remained flushed bright red with blood.

Dave smirks. "Wow okay, relax. You want me to strip to make you feel better, I will."

"What?" He blinked at him in shock.

"That's what it sounds like you're suggesting."

"You're kidding right?" He raises an eyebrow at Dave.

"No."

Karkat blinked in surprise and looked away again.

Dave snickers, "What?"

"What?" Trying to avoid the subject.

"Are you serious right now, Karkat Vantas? Are you too embarrassed for one of your legendary rants?"

"Go fuck yourself, and I know you can't do it, it was an insult. And I am just uncomfortable is all..." He shifted a bit nervously.

"Sorry bro, I don't wanna make you uncomfortable. Not like that anyway." Dave almost smirks, but manages to hold it back. "You have boxers or whatever the troll equivalent is, right?"

"Why the fuck wouldn't I be wearing boxers?!" Still blushing. He shifted again, looking away, thinking it over still.

"I'm just making sure, haha. Look, it'll be like you're wearing shorts, it's really no big deal."

"I don't, wear shorts. I always wear long pants so that if i graze myself my blood would be hidden."

"That so wasn't my point. Just take your pants off."

He pauses for a few seconds, blinking before taking in a deep breath and frowning. "First..._Rose_! Get the fuck away from my door! I know you are in the hallway out there!"

Dave's eyes flicker toward the door for only a second before he's grabbing the fallen broken door and shoving it up against the frame. "Go write some wizard fanfiction with your girlfriend will you?"

Rose's earthreal giggle sounds before she disappears.

Dave rolls his eyes almost violently. "Ok you know what, I'll ollie outie too so you can peel the dead skin off your own legs and not get your panties all up in a twist about me seeing you in your boxers. I'll go chill with the girls until you're done."

"You do whatever then..." Karkat looked at his feet, kicking off his shoes and socks.

Dave sneers before tossing the door again and leaving.

He rolls his eyes and peels away his pants from his legs. instantly going to rub at his itching legs.

"Oh but before I go," Dave reappears in the dilapidated doorway.

Karkat scowled at Dave reappearing. "What?!" Shifts about a bit uncomfortably at only wearing his boxers right then. He turns away from Dave, slightly ashamed of his boxers. Crab printed.

Dave barely hides a laugh. "I...ok. I get why you were embarrassed now."

He growls at him. "What is it you wanted?!" he spat out irritably.

"I...forgot...uh..." Dave covers his mouth.

Karkat grumbles and goes about removing the peeling skin, trying to ignore Dave as well as his raging blush.

"Alright so, I'll just...yeah bye," he heads down the hallway, laughing his ass off.

"Fuck you!" He shouted after Dave irritably, rubbing his hands over his legs still to get rid of the skin.


	13. Chapter 12

(authors note: time for some feelings jams!)

==== BE DAVE

Dave enters the library via the transporter and laughs almost insanely.

Kanaya and Rose are sitting there like they've been waiting for him.

"Anything you'd care to share, Strider?" Rose begins, "I'm having a hard time writing this next paragraph in my pornographic wizard novel and I need some inspiration."

Dave's laughter fades away slowly as he goes for a cup of coffee. "Naw, forget it Lalonde. It's none of your business."

Kanaya inquires about Karkat's well-being and Dave tells her that he's doing well enough. "I'm helping him clear off all the dead skin, since he's peeling like a shedding shake. He's letting me keep all the skin in this jar here," he produces it and sets the jar on the table.

Kanaya grimaces in slight disgust but Rose keeps her eyes on Dave. "He's even indulging this morbid fixation of yours? My my what a strange relationship you two have formed."

"Yeah he's not such a bad guy I guess. More interesting to hang out with him and peel his dead skin away than sit here chatting with you two ladies, no offense."

"I have taken slight offense," Kanaya tells him, "But I am glad that Karkat is talking to someone. He must be in a lot of pain right now. Emotionally and physically, if he is moulting."

"Yeah he's alright though, as much as he likes to complain, he's tough."

"Why David is that admiration I hear in the undertones of your voice?" Rose grins.

"My name isn't even David."

Rose grins wider.

Kanaya frowns. "I wonder how the moulting will change him."

"Not much probably, he's still an annoying little shit. Don't get your hopes up."

Kanaya shakes her head, "His mannerisms are not what I am referring to when I say I am worrying. I never knew any trolls who went through puberty. I have no idea what it must be doing to him."

"Is there any way we can research the topic?" Rose turns to Kanaya.

"I'm not sure. I think if we could find a tome on the subject, maybe?"

"That'll be a good idea, get to work darlins, do something productive!" Dave takes both cups of coffee and heads to the transportulizer.

"Was that a Southern accent?" Rose calls.

"MAYBE," Dave shoots back.

Dave transported into Karkat's hallway at the exact moment when Karkat yelled, "Fucking... DAVE!"

Dave hears the yell and as carefully as he can, captulogues the coffees so that he can run.

"DAVE FUCKING STRIDER! GET YOUR WORTHLESS ASS BACK HERE THIS INSTANT BEFORE I STAP YOU IN THE WASTE CHUTE WITH YOUR OWN SWORD!"

He smashes through the doorway again a mere second before Karkat finishes his rant.

Karkat is sitting on the floor next to a small pile of the skin from his left leg, his hands wrapped around a cut on his leg that is slowly oozing red blood. "Took you long enough!" he complains.

Dave's shades are slightly crooked on his nose, revealing that his eyes are wide and worried.

Karkat in his eyes but doesn't mention them.

He takes in the scene before him and sighs, "Ok...you cut yourself?"

"No shit sherlock!" He grumbles and pulls his hands back, revealing the fairly large scratches on his shin.

"Was that a human joke?"

"You don't think we are smart enough to come up with our own Sherlock?!"

Dave comes over to sit on the floor next to Karkat and take out a first aid kit he had taken from the library.

"Ok so troll Sherlock."

"What else?"

Dave takes out a roll of gauze and antibiotics. "Will this shit even work on you? With your wierd anatomy and insides and all?"

"It should work the same, we are just about identical on the insides aside from reproduction organs."

"Alright cool." Dave takes out the coffees and sets them down on the steel floor between them. "Here, I got you a cup of the weird probably-coffee Sollux managed to make with the machines. No need to thank me, I'm just a good person doing good things, all the time. I'm a hero. I know."

Karkat just nods and takes one of the cups, wiping off as much of the blood form his hands as he could before doing so of course, sipping out of it slowly.

"It's kinda shitty but coffee is pretty bad in the first place, so I can barely taste the difference." Dave puts antibiotics on his hand and spreads it over Karkat's shin. He's done this a lot before.

Karkat flinches. "Fuck! That stings! Asshole!" pulls back a bit, nearly spilling the coffee on Dave.

"Sorry princess."

"Fuck you!"

He keeps rubbing in the antibiotic lotion until its dissolved into his skin and then pulls out the roll of gauze, which he wraps around Karkat's cut and cuts off with his teeth. It sticks to itself in the end and he sits back with a sigh.

Karkat grumbles something under his breath.

"What was that, princess?"

"I said tk... y..." Looking away.

"You said what?"

"Thank you, for fucks sake..."

"You're welcome dude but I expect something in return for all this TLC."

Karkat squints at him dangerously. "What..." Slight suspicion is clearly in his voice and his expression.

"What do you think I just hand this shit out for free? Dude I may be rollin' in the boonbucks but there's always room in my god pajama pockets for more."

"I ain't giving you shit!" He scowled.

Dave raises an eyebrow. "Don't make me forcibly collect your debt Karkat."

"So you are saying, you did all of htis, just because you wanted boonbucks? Nothing else?" Skeptical look, engage!

"Not specifically boonbucks but some kind of payment." Dave smirks.

Karkat raises an eyebrow at him. "Oh? Like what the fuck else, smart guy?"

"What do you think?" Dave cocks his head to the side.

"Um..." Oh my fuck! don't think of that! Why, thinkpan? Why?! "I don't fucking know! You humans always think weirdly!"

"Yeah? What's popping into your thinkpan right now?"

"Nothing!" He hisses out.

"I'm gonna go out on a Rose-covered limb and say I sense some thoughts."

"Like..." His face was definitely bright red by now.

"Like what?" His grin is wider.

"I'm asking you what you think I am thinking, stupid!"

Dave rolls his eyes. He pulls out a jar and puts the new skin peelings into it.

"That all you wanted? Skin? Pah!" Hunches over his legs, self consciously.

"Pah." Dave mocks and spits out a laugh.

Karkat scowls at him. "Don't fucking laugh!"

"You're such a priss," Dave notes.

"And you're such an ass!" He spits right back, looking away still and absently itching his right leg.

"That's like your favorite word." Dave pushes his hands out of the way and peels it for him.

Sighs but nods anyway. "Whatever you say then."

Dave looked up at him and met his eyes, the shades slipped low on his nose.

He blinked in surprise, not looking away, just staring at his eyes.

Dave opens his mouth for a second like he might say something. Then he scrapes his lips with his tongue and looks back down, the moment passed.

Karkat is still staring at Dave's face in slight confusion. He blinked a few more times, mouth slightly open.

Dave's face breaks out into a grin again and he snickers. "I'm still just a stupid kid..." he says almost to himself.

"What?" He questions, tilting his head slightly at Dave.

"Nah, I'm just bein stupid." He shakes his head.

"Ok then..." He is still slightly curious about what Dave meant. He scratches at his thigh irritably. "You have no idea how much this shit is bothering me..." He said quietly, but loud enough for Dave to hear.

"Same," Dave snickers. He didn't mean the irritating itches Karkat was feeling. "Cmon you're almost done," he reaches and pulls Karkat by his ankle over so that he can help.

He doesn't seem to mind as he picked away methodically on his other leg, occasionally glancing to see what Dave was doing.

Eventually most of his skin has been peeled away, so it should be less uncomfortable for Karkat now. Dave sits back and relaxes. "Finally.

"Look whose the one to talk. You had it easy while I had to go through with this shit!" He frowned a slight bit.

"Once again, I must apologize, you prissy prissy princess."

He snarled at Dave and rubbed at his sensitive foot that had been peeled. "If you went through half of what I had and will go through you would be twice as worse than I am now!"

"I'm practically prostate at your feet, princess, take out all your anger on me," Dave lies down on his back to watch Karkat upside down.

Karkat whacks a hand at his leg in annoyance. "It is only fun if I manage to get a reaction from you, and there is only one way to get a reaction out of you and I don't think you'd much appreciate me doing that."

"What, removing my shades again?"

"What else?" He stared at Dave with no amusement on his face.

"I don't know that's why I was just confirming, sheesh."

"I doubt anything else can bother you, sadly."

"I promise to show as much reaction as possible, no matter what pathetic means you try to get your jollies from."

"No, I'm fine. I don't like forced things, especially forcing another person into something or to do something."

"I won't force anything, I'll open up my jar of hearts and dump my feelings all over the floor for you."

"I doubt it. You are always stoic and will remain so." He scowled slightly but not at Dave, just at a thought.

"Yeah well we thought you were just a dick and would remain a dick for all time but you can have feelings too, Kitkat." Dave frowns.

"Ass! When don't I have feelings?! And yes I actually expect an answer to that!" Glares at him defiantly.

"I'm saying that you _totally_ have feelings all the time and don't really show any of them except the pro-wrestler style furious feelings, _so_ even though I look cool and calm and collected all the time because I am those things, I also _have_ feelings."

"I have my own reasons to not show my feelings. It was my protection, to keep others away as a form of keeping my blood colour a secret. Why did you not show any feelings though?" He tilts head a bit, expression softer and more curious than angry at Dave.

"For about the same reasons, I guess."

"But your blood isn't mutant..." Confused. "Why would you want to keep others away?"

Dave bites his lip thoughtfully. "Well, it's more like. I think if people get to know me they won't really like who I am. So I have this coolness factor that I keep up. People like _that_."

"Then what are you really like under that mask of coolness?" Karkat leans forward with interest.

"Well you've already seen some of it," Dave smirked. "I like weird dead stuff and collect stuff in jars."

"That all? I expected more from you." He shook his head, 'tsk'ing mockingly and snickering slightly.

"That's not it," Dave protested.

"Hmmm?"

Dave blurts out, "I like photography too. And none of my friends know that."

"You do?" Raises an eyebrow. "Never would have guessed that."

"Yeah. I'm also mostly scared of my bro's hobbies, especially his puppets. I say that they're cool or whatever but...I'm becoming increasingly convinced that that's a load of bullshit and he's the fucking weirdest dude that ever existed." Dave rubs his arm and grimaces.

"Puppets? Really? Wow... They are just stuffed things, not even alive!"

"Yeah well tell that to the constant avalanches of stuffed colorful ass that rained on my perfectly coiffed head for my near entire childhood, Vantas."

Karkat is choking on his laughter. "I should have scanned through _your_ life instead of John's then. Never should have missed my opportunity to see that!"

"You would have had ample opportunities. In fact I'm absolutely sure that your rancorous ass would have much rather enjoyed watching me get my tush kicked unironically pretty much daily by my bro rather than watching John's dad get him fat on cakes."

"I can agree on that point." He nodded. "But there is nothing for anyone to dislike the you under that mask you know. You shouldn't really hide it."

"I dunno how I can believe that, hearing it from _you_, Vantas. I find it much easier to socialize from behind the mask. Masquerade party party party every day, yknow?"

Karkat shrugs. "If I knew what you were on about I might be able to understand, but I don't so no."

"I don't want my friends to make fun of me." Dave says very childishly. "At least not for things I really do like."

"They won't, there is nothing wrong with those things. Seriously. I mean, Kanaya is a rainbow drinker, Rose is always trying to get into your mind, Gamzee is a clown that hides in vents, Terezi is blind and laughs like a mad man, or, mad woman, John is a derp and Jade is part dog. You liking the stuff you do is nothing compared to all of this!"

Dave grins halfway and nods slowly, eyes on the ground. "Yeah I know. But it would be pretty lame if all of a sudden I threw off my coolkid schtick. I feel like I would be judged big time, and that's just not something I'm ready for yet."

"Well, it's nice when you are like this. You being the douche-y cool kid about me is just plain annoying and makes me flip my shit all the time, which I note hasn't gone unnoticed."

"Nah, it's...cool...that I can just relax around you, and that you can do the same thing with me. That's a really cool thing." His grin widens.

"Cool?" Karkat raises an eyebrow at him. "And that is you you saying that? Not the mask that you usually wear?"

"No this is me for real telling you straight up that, Karkat, I trust you." He finger-guns you with one hand, but its dorky this time instead of over-calculated and smooth the way Dave normally makes the gesture.

Karkat smiles and nods It's nice to be trusted for once, trusted truthfully and not just because he was the leader. "Nice to be trusted..." Karkat says, not caring about keeping up his mean, grumpy facade as usual.


	14. Chapter 13

Dave tilts his head to the side thoughtfully. "Yeah, I mean. You seem like you have some really intense stuff inside of you. That you don't really wanna talk about most of the time. Like me. So...you and me? We get each other, yknow?" Dave gestures between them. "And that's what's really cool."

He nods in agreement. "Cool. It's... better than the usual bickering that we have, I must admit. Far better." He gives a small half laugh. "I can't really believe this! Of all the people on this meteor, of all the people that are still alive in this universe. I end up trusting Dave Fucking Strider!" He laughs shortly again and gives Dave a small smile.

Dave laughs too, a longer deeper laugh that comes from way inside. He's actually really enjoying himself. He doesn't feel lonely right now. "Yeah I mean you're the last person I thought I'd get alone with." Dave bites his tongue. "Along with. Along with, that's what I meant to say.

He turns his head at Dave, face heating up again. "Both. Both are true." He gives a small smile, trying to make sure Dave doesn't get too uncomfortable with anything. He leans back on his arms, still staring at Dave, conflicted.

"It's crazy nobody found out your blood color as soon as they saw you. If you turn red like you are now..." Dave takes off his glasses.

"Uh..." Karkat's jaw is hanging slightly open. God, are Dave's eyes always so hypnotizing? He tilted his head a bit and closed his mouth to stop himself from looking silly. "No, I don't, blush in front of the others at all."

"So that's what you're doing right now," Dave can feel a warmth in his chest and his breathing is coming shorter.

"I did say in front of the others..." He gives a small scoff/laughing noise after but continues to smile.

"Why're you blushing? Nervous?" he asks with a hint of bravado. His ruby eyes glint in the low light of the respiteblock.

"Slightly..." He admits, shifting slightly and tilts his head to the other side, still looking at Dave's eyes. "Your eyes... that's why..." Karkat gives a small 'hmph'.

Dave grins with all his teeth. "I always thought my eyes were nasty looking. But you like them that much, huh?"

"Um... They look nice right now... I never did really get to see them that often anyways. So the dark light doesn't hurt?" He gestures about the darker room.

He laughs again. "Dark _light_? Is your brain short circuiting from looking at me?"

"No, ah... darker, light?" Karkat rubs a hand at his neck. "Less intense light? Duller light?"

"Yeah. My eyes don't hurt at all the way it is in here. I can see a little better too." Dave leans forward. "All the better to see you with."

Karkat blinks in surprise and feels his cheeks heat up again. "Couldn't you see me properly before now?" he questions, still nervous as hell.

Dave smirks. Of course Karkat wouldn't get that joke. He guesses they don't have a Troll Red Riding Hood story. "In harsh light with shades on? Hell no, like that I'm about as blind as Harley or Egbert without their lenses." Dave bites his lip. "Are you the only troll with freckles?"

He flashes his hands up to his face and falls onto his back in embarrassment. "Ugh... no. I am the only troll I know that has these ugly spots!" He closes his eyes.

"No way haha, that's really..." Dave has to stop himself from using a word like cute or an even ungodlier word like kawaii (for irony's sake) because he knows Karkat would flay him if he uttered either one. "I have them too. Because I live in Texas where it's massively hope-fuckingly hot all the time. So I got them," he says kind of breathlessly, excitedly. He's discovered another thing he and Karkat have in common. That's...really sweet. He digs this.

Karkat pulls his hands back and looks at Dave's face, spotting the freckles for the first time. "Huh..." He lifts himself back up to look closer. "Ok, do humans usually have freckles? As like a genetic or biological type of thing?" He leans even closer, about a foot away from Dave right now.

"It's sometimes hereditary, sometimes biological, and sometimes you can just get them from being in the sun too much," Dave says slowly, eyes running over the planes of Karkat's face. "...Why do trolls get them...?"

He shrugs and plops his hands down in his lap. "I... don't think that other trolls get them? Maybe it's just me? I'm not sure. Troll skin is usually tough and don't have many blemishes. Freckles are probably just another mutation caused by my blood I bet."

Dave smirks and inches himself closer, "You're a special snowflake, Karkat Vantas."

"Ah um..." Karkat blinks and flushes a bit deeper, clearly flattered at the compliment. "You... think?"

As much of a joke and internet reference as that was, Dave Strider totally fucking meant it. "Yeah," Dave breathed, close enough that their nose were almost touching.

Karkat felt his breathing speeding up, getting heavier and he leans forward just the slightest, just touching his nose to Dave's cautiously.

There was a loaded silence before Dave broke it, gently uttering a single stupid question, "So are we gonna mack now or...?"

He pressed forward, quickly kissing Dave before he can regret it.


	15. Chapter 14

(AUTHORS NOTE: FINALLY MAKEOUTS, YOURE WELCOME)

The coolkid has no words to describe how awesome this is. Like why the fuck did Karkat ban interspecies makeouts this was literally the best thing that ever happened. Hard to believe the last awesome thing that happened to him was finding an unopened bottle of juice in his closet - cause fuck NO. THIS. THIS was motherfucking christmas. All. Up. In. This. Bitch.

But besides all this good stuff, this is still Dave's first kiss and he had no idea what the fuck he's doing. He's up the creek without a paddle, to use an old colloquialism. Dave is in this canoe holding on for dear life, swirling around in the rapids and he's got no fucking steering wheel for this hot mess of a wooden thing.

Karkat let his eyes fall closed, breathing through his nose as he felt his heart beating faster. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Oh fuck, he is such a hypocrite isn't he, banning interspecies sloppy makeouts and then being the first one to break his own rule? Yes,, he is! He feels himself hesitate for a moment, eyes flickering back open in slight shock and self-realization as he looked at Dave, trying to make sure he was okay with all of this that was going on.

Dave is still lost on the Losing His Shit River, trying fervently to locate his metaphorical senses, aka the paddle. When he senses Karkat stop moving, his eyes pop open and he moves back just a little bit. His eyes are wide. Holy shit they just did this.

They just made this thing take place.

Karkat, however, freezes, thinking he did something bad. He pulls away, face regretful as he turned away.

Dave just stares at him in complete shock. Holy crap did he do something wrong? Karkat looked away oh fuck oh shit oh fuck oh shit... He totally fucked that up. He fucked up everything, jesus DICK. He kissed an alien and scared the crap out of them. If that wasn't the biggest fml in the history of fmls...

"ah... ayum... uh..." Mouth! Move! Move properly! Work god fucking damn you! Karkat pulled his hands up and quickly covered his face in embarrassment. "Holy fuck...!" He still felt terrible.

"Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit ..." And then it was like the dam broke and Dave begins his mantra of self-hatred. "What did I do? How did I fuck that up? Gimme a sign here, Karkat, I'm burning incense and slaughtering calfs and offering them up for you, just tell me what the fuck I did to screw that up so royally. Have I been kicked off the Godtier Squad and moved down to King of Fucking Up Interspecies Sloppy Makeouts? Please Karkat I swear-"

"You didn't do anything, I did. I freaked..." Karkat keeps his body turned away, his face bright red, even his ear tips flushing in embarrassment.

Dave pauses. "Did I freak you out?" he asks in a very small voice.

"No... I freaked _myself_ out," he says regretfully.

"Oh. What." Dave's brain is a little broken right now.

"Um... I freaked, froze, and you pulled back. I thought I did something wrong and freaked."

"Oh." Dave glances down before snickering and looking back up at Karkat. "I freaked out when _you_ froze. And I thought I messed up. So _I_ backed off."

"_You_ had no reason to freak out though!" He turned back to face Dave with fear and shock all over his face. "_I_ had literally _banned_ this! And now I am actually _doing it_! Can you even fucking _fathom_ how much of a hypocrite this makes me!? 'Cause I am feeling a whole fucking lot of shitty right now and when I did before I had frozen, thinking and trying to see if you were alright with this, and you pulled away I thought that was a no to the silent question, and I freaked the fuck out and backed the fuck off and- and and- RAGH!" He fell backwards into the clothes pile, grabbing some of the garments and smothering his face in the clothes, shouting into them, having the screams muffled by the clothes.

After waiting for Karkat's screams to die down, Dave sighs. "I guess there's only one way to deal with this situation."

He blinked and pulled the clothes back just so that he could see Dave's face. "How?"

"Gotta take back the ban on interspecies makeouts, obviously." Dave smiles.

"But... that's like... It'd be like me giving in..."

"Giving in to what?" Dave leaned in and brushes Karkat's nose with his own.

Karkat blushed more and his breath hitched momentarily. "The others, of course. You do know that Gamzee was interested in you, right?"

"Interested in eviscerating me and making his wierd pies out of my entrails maybe," Dave snickered, his eyes closing momentarily, "But who gives a shit?"

"I care!" he spat out before he could think. "I mean... Um... You don't really want to find out what a caliginous relationship is like. Humans aren't capable of that kind of thing. Are they?"

Dave raises an eyebrow, "Once again I have to inform you, I don't have a clue how your quadrants work. All I know is," he places a palm next to Karkat's head, "You, Karkat Vantas, are _interesting_, and I am interested in you."

Karkat pressed his head into hDave's hand softly, smiling slightly and a small purring noise came from his throat without him realizing it.

"I don't care what the others think, especially not your shit clown moirail. He doesn't deserve you, from what I can see. I do care what you think, though. So if you're not about this, just tell me."

"Of course I want this! I don't _not_ want it and it's... nice to be with you. Whether to talk or just to walk past you and trade insults or whatever. And I know that's really sappy but I feel like it's true and not just like a scene from one of my romcoms." He gave a small smile and purred louder in reaction.

"You're the biggest dork ever. You put John to shame with your awkward romantic movie talk."

"Do I? Well does that mean I know all about romance? Cause I do believe this is one." He smiled a bit wider, pushing closer to Dave.

Dave raises his eyebrows again and backs up just a little. "Dude ok we kissed for like three seconds that doesn't mean we're together or anything. Don't move too fast on me. Despite my jokes about always being draped in ladies, Terezi was the first one to flirt with me EVER. You also stole my first kiss, dude. You've had like five functioning quadrant fillers already, but I'm super out of my comfort zone here."

Karkat freaks again and flops back into the pile, covering his body up in it once more. "Look who's talking! Right now I am as emotional as a hornbeast during mating season! Of course I am going to make you uncomfortable!" He huffed and lay still.

"No it's not like that," Dave protests quietly, "Relax. "I just wanna take it slow, yknow?"

"I don't- I just- I think that- Ugh! I hate myself soooooooooo fucking much right now! It was a stupid thing of me to even_ think_ of kissing you!"

"Nawwwwwwwwww ok c'mon Karkat come out of the pile." Dave starts peeling the pile apart clothing piece by clothing piece. "I wanted to kiss you too."

Karkat stayed still, not really fighting back as he was unearthed from the clothes pile, looking at Dave, all curled up like an infant meowbeast.

Aw look at you." Dave smiles again. "Cmon Karkat don't be upset."

He nods and unfurls, sliding closer to Dave cautiously.

Dave pulls the troll up into a hug and rests his chin on top of Karkat's head, just like before. "Just lemme take you out on some intense meteor dates first before we start labeling our shit, ok? If you're up for that..."

"Take me on some what?" Karkat is confused.

"Dates. Oh hell no don't tell me trolls don't do those." Dave pulls Karkat back to look him in the eye, horrified as fuck.

"What? A date? You mean the day and perigee... month, right?" The troll raises an eyebrow at him.

"Oh my god," Dave stares at Karkat in absolute horror.

"Um... am I missing something here?" He shifts nervously.

Dave puts Karkat back down and massages his temples with his fingers. "Karkat I am going to show you a whole new world of romance."

"Uh..." He blinks. "Ok? What world is this?"

Dave takes a deep breath, "Ok, so we're gonna spend time hanging out and doing things we both like to do, but we're gonna do them together. And. Uh, there's no restaurants or movie theaters here on the meteor and those are classic date things... So. I'm gonna make you food. And. We're gonna watch movies together. And uh. Maybe mack some more. Because that's. What people do on dates. Which is apparently only a human thing but... I think you'd like it..." Dave hesitates a lot and sounds pretty nervous, using his hands constantly to illustrate what he's talking about by making shapes in the air.

Karkat is intrigued. "So... you hang out with the other person and do things that you both like together then?" He paused, hesitating. "Something that is sort of meant to be romantic?" He shifted again.

"Yeah. It's like, the period of a relationship where it first starts? And you wanna get to know the other person better."

"It seems a good idea... do many humans go on dates or just certain types or ages?" He looks back to Dave quizzically.

"It's any people who wanna start a relationship, I think." Dave is not exactly an expert in this. "Uh, it's called 'going out'. Which sounds lame now that I'm trying to explain it."

"Yeah, I sorta get it." Karkat looks back at the ground for a few seconds before taking in a deep breath. "Do you... want to go out?" He looks back up at Dave shyly. God! Those eyes!

Dave pushes his forehead up against Karkat's, staring into his eyes harder. It's not like he was a complete softy now, he was still gonna use this against Karkat! "Yeah."

He felt his breath hitching again and he swallowed, making a purring noise once more without realizing it.

"That's cute, you sound like a cat," Dave comments, biting his lip to keep from laughing too hard.

He freezes and pulls back a bit. "Um... No..." He feels so embarrassed! Oh shit... "No I don't...!" He blinks, face heating up again.

"Oh man and it embarrasses you," Dave sits up and moves closer, filling the space Karkat just left, "This is awesome." He smirks. "Karkitty."

"Don't call me that..." Karkat protests, voice clipping with annoyance. "It's just a habit! It just happens when I feel happy or something or when someone touches my horns." He pauses and sends a stare at Dave, trying to guess what he was most likely going to do.

"Your horns?" Dave's smirk jerks up higher. He moves until he's over Karkat. "I dunno, I kinda like that noise. And the petname."

Karkat hunches away hesitantly "Oh come on..." he whines. "It's embarrassment enough as it is."

"I like it," Dave repeats, dropping his hand down into Karkat's hair and mussing it gently before sliding his fingers up against the candy corn horns.

Karkat flinched ever so slightly before he lets his eyes fall half lidded, emitting a small purring noise from his throat as he did so, letting it thrum about in his chest.

Dave has to bite his lip again. Wow, dang how cute.

Karkat tilted his head into Dave's hand slightly.

Dave let this go on for a minute before smoothing down Karkat's hair and cheek. "Totally calling you Karkitty now."

"I will eventually bite you for every time you call me that." Karkat said, but it wasn't a real threat. He fairly enjoyed his horns being touched. But he looked back at Dave, defiant but a little needy still.

"Bite me?"

He bares his sharp teeth in a slightly menacing grin. "Bite you!" he confirms

"In a good way or bad way?"

He rolls his eyes and relaxes his mouth into a small smile. "What do you think?"

"Definitely good way," Dave slumps down and sighs, "Man I'm glad all this tenacity is over between us. It was hard to keep being mad at you when you're so damn adorable."

"Don't you dare call me that!" He spits out, pulling a pout.

"Adorable," Dave repeated, stressing the word.

Karkat frowned and pressed his face closer to Dave's, eyes locked with his. "I will bite you! I am not joking about!" He stares straight into his eyes, unblinking.

Dave bumped noses with him. "A-_dor-_a_-ble._"

He scowls and lifts his head up, just far enough to carefully bite this tip of Dave's nose, just to make it hurt, before pulling back smugly and fixing his gaze again.

Dave starts guffawing, like laughing so loudly that his fucking Texas accent and everything comes out, he even snorts like a total dweeb.

Karkat scowls once again. "That was a warning, doofus! Not a proper bite!" He hissed the last part out. "Do you want me to fucking bite you and draw blood?" he challenged.

"We definitely have to wait till at least the third date before we go there." Dave snorts again, covering his mouth with a hand.

He frowns. "Whatever then." He huffs and leans back on his arms. "So... what time and where is this date going to happen?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Dave deadpans.

"You ok there?"

"Um, yeah lemme just. I'll get back to you on the date situation." Dave backs up. "Uh, more importantly though, are you done moulting?"

Karkat looked back at his arms and legs and shook his head. "Gotta sleep for a bit, lets me grow taller and my skin grow tougher and darker. And my eyes to change, of course." He scowls irritably at himself.

Dave hums, "Alright. Is that gonna be painful too?"

"Would make me unbalanced for a whole while at least from the height difference, I'd guess, but it is uncomfortable 'till you get to sleep, then it is a bit better at least."

"That's good. Do you wanna get started on that as soon as possible? Get it over with?"

"I... guess?" Raises an eyebrow sort of and blinks about him before just thinking 'what the heck' and flopping back into the pile of clothes with little hesitation.

"You're gonna sleep in the pile?" Dave asks incredulously.

"Preferrably, yes. Why?"

"I dunno, I still don't get why you trolls prefer piles of junk and clothes to beds." Dave shrugs and shakes his head, rising to a crouch.

"You ever even tried to sleep in a pile before?"

"No. Because I have a bed."

Karkat scoffs and nodded, relaxing back into the clothes. "What is it they say...? Don't knock it till you've tried it." He half laughed.

"I'm not knocking, I'm just not interested in that particular door." Dave gets to his feet.

Karkat glances at Dave. "Hmm? What are you doing?"

"Going," Dave responds. "So you can get some sleep and finish your moulting whatever."

"Ok. Uh... bye?" He tilts his head slightly, still looking at Dave.

Dave hesitates.

In a single flashstep he is right over Karkat again, kissing him quickly before absconding. In the millisecond left between them he says, "Night."

Karkat blinks in total surprise. He looks about the room, making sure that Dave has gone before he smiles and covers his face in his hands, smiling warmly to himself.

Outside, Dave thinks better than going back to the library and facing the girls again. He goes to his own room and decides to get started on thinking up some totally rad ideas for when he goes out for the first time with this tiny alien boy.

It's a panic attack that lasts hours.


	16. Chapter 15

**(AUTHORS NOTE: OK HERES A LONG ONE, WITH A FIGHT AND SOME GAMZEE, ENJOY AND FORGIVE ME IF I BUTCHERED HIM. IM NOT AS FAMILIAR WITH HIS CHARACTER AS I AM WITH THE OTHER TROLLS)**

==== BE DAVE AGAIN, AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, GET AN IDEA

At the end of his hours-long panic attack, Dave almost has an idea in mind for his and Karkat's date thingie. But he's pretty nervous about the whole situation, and he wants to run the idea by his sister – _god he knows he's desperate for advice now – _despite how much passive aggressive humiliation bullshit he knows he will have to endure, so he heads out to the hallway to find the transportulizer again.

Before he reaches the raised metal device however, it crackles with science bullshit and zaps a troll into Dave's hallway.

A troll with wild black hair and a sick, nasty grin.

Dave sees the messed up clown face paint and reels backward, hissing in shock. Ok, out of all things he was mentally prepared for, this was the last thing he expected to happen. He thinks as quickly as he can, shoving his stupid date idea into a further corner of his brain, and analyzes the situation.

This hallway is a dead end.

His room is the only one being used here, and the other three are empty.

The clown stands between him and the only way out.

If this becomes a fight to the death, which by the looks of Gamzee's colorfully bloody clothes it might be, Dave isn't quite sure if he can win.

He might be a god tier, but it sounded like Gamzee was sort of evil and crazy now, since he killed two other trolls.

One of the only two ways Dave could die is if he dies a heroic death, and that would be if he dies fighting someone _evil_.

But first of all, Dave isn't completely sure that the troll is here to kill him. He's still standing there, arms loose at his sides, grinning at Dave with a mixture of crazy and silly in his eyes.

Dave can't seem to get any words to his mouth, he's shaking and he's not sure if he should take out his blade now or if he should try to talk his way out. If he takes out his sword and it causes Gamzee to attack him, that would be a bad move. He licks his lips and clears his throat just as Gamzee takes a step forward off of the transportulizer.

He parts his bloody lips and _"hey there motherfucker"_ oozes out of his mouth to unsteady Dave's knees. The juggalo snickers silently before raising his voice, **"I HEAR YOUVE GOTTEN PRETTY CLOSE TO MY PALE BRO"** _"thought i could come out of the shadows and motherfucking congratulate you"_ **"ON PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF WITHOUT EVEN SHOWING ME YOUR MARSHMALLOW SKULL FIRST" **His voice echoes loudly through the short hallway, making the silences sound as loud as the times when he's talking.

Dave swallows and attempts to sound confident when he says, "Right, sorry dude, forgot you were even on the rock."

Gamzee's grin shrinks until its more of a grimace. _"i told you there would be a reckoning for you, strawberry brother"_ **"I WAITED FOR YOU IN THE VENTS BUT YOU NEVER CAME"** _"do i have to start up our motherfucking hatesquaredance all by myself"_ **"OR ARE YOU GONNA PULL YOUR WEAPON OUT AND DO IT YOURSELF"**

Dave shudders as he thinks back to the first time Gamzee trolled him. When he called Dave out for sending him the apparently blasphemous Insane Clown Posse video. With what he knows about trolls now, and from Karkat telling him about how Gamzee saw him earlier, he can clearly see that this is his way of courting Dave into his black quadrant. "Shit, fuck no. I'm not interested in being your kiss-mesis, dude." His hand strays to belt-height, fingers poised to draw his shitty sword at any moment.

Gamzee's eyes light up with malice. _"but i hear you're all up and interested in my pale brother"_ **"IM ALL FOR SHARING YOU WITH HIM, SHARING IS A FUCKING VIRTUE I ABIDE"**

"No dude, I'm not about this. I'm not in any quadrant with Karkat."

Gamzee tilts his head to the side, taking another step as his eye twitches violently. _"your strawberry insides arent all up and hankering for him"_ **"YOU STAIN UPON MY MOTHER FUCKING SACRED DOMAIN"**

"No, don't even rap at me dude," Dave takes a step back.

_"if we aint gonna spit some precious rhymes then what are we gonna do with all this time"_ **"YOURE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE MOTHER FUCKING UNIVERSE NOW"** Gamzee draws his bloody clubs and grips them tightly with each hand. _"we are gonna dance now motherfucker" _Gamzee grins again as Dave hurriedly draws his weapon as well. **"AND SPADES BE WITH YOU"**

==== BE KARKAT

Karkat shifts a bit in sleep, subconsciously hearing Gamzee yelling.

He blinked his eyes open, unsure about why he was woken from his sleep.

Karkat relaxed, stretching out in the pile but staying still to listen for any sounds.

"Oh, shit!" Karkat pulled himself free of the pile upon hearing Gamzee's loud voice booming through the halls of the meteor.

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit" He scrambled about, messily chucking on a loose sweater from near by and his jeans on the floor.

He hurriedly rushes out of the room, heading in the general direction of Dave's room as a guess, from the direction of the loud noises.

==== GO BACK TO THE EXCITING FIGHT

Dave manages to block the first blow but gasps in shock at how strong Gamzee is. Gamzee swings his other club and knocks Dave against the wall. Both hands are on his sword hilt, pushing the clubs away from his body, but he is trapped up against the metal of the door across from his.

"God...dammit," he breathes, mustering up all his strength to throw the rabid troll off.

Gamzee laughs and uses his own momentum to swing back around and club Dave in the stomach as he blocks a blow to his head. Dave doubles over in pain but headbutts Gamzee in the gut to put more distance between them.

Gamzee spins and misses when Dave slows time and ducks beneath them to shove at Gamzee with his shoulder. Time returns with Gamzee howling in rage and turning again to mash weapons with Dave.

He bares his teeth and snickers, relaxing his muscles for a second so that Dave, pushing with all his strength, falls heavily forward. His sharp teeth clamp onto Dave's forearm even as the sword catches the meat between his shoulder and neck.

Dave shouts in agony as the troll's teeth rip through his skin and even cut through muscle. But he jerks his sword back with his opposite hand, carving a gash into Gamzee's shirt and the muscle of his shoulder.

Both opponents leap back to catch their breath.

Gamzee ignores the purple blood running down his chest and back, and laughs at Dave's gushing wound.

Only then did Karkat come flashing through on the transportalizer.

Karkat stares at the scene before him in shock and fear. "Gamzee!" He scolds before stepping towards his moirail with a small frown.

When Dave turns to see the transportulizer flash, Gamzee, ignoring Karkat, takes the opening to bash him over the head with his left club. Only when Dave, who makes a strange choked noise, crumples to the floor does he turn to face his pal.

"GAMZEE!" Karkat hollers and tackles the clown to the floor in a tight embrace before he can attempt any other blows. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" He hisses irritably, glancing to Dave's unconscious body nervously as he held the clown tightly.

Gamzee grins peacefully.

He pulls away from the clown and holds onto his shoulders, looking sternly at his face.

_"how have you been, my motherfuckin diamond doll"_ **"I JUST FILLED MY BLACK SQUARE IS WHAT I UP AND JUST DID"**

"YOU KNOCKED HIM UNCONSCIOUS! THAT IS NOT A CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIP! THAT IS YOU TAKING YOUR ANGER OUT ON HIM!"

Dave isn't quite unconscious. He groans in pain and feels shakily for the bleeding wound on his head.

_"i didnt hurt him that bad brother"_ Gamzee chuckles. **"CHECK IT ALL OUT HES ALL FUCKING RIGHT"**

"AND HE'S FUCKING BLEEDING FROM HIS HEAD! THEY AREN'T AS TOUGH AS TROLLS, GAMZEE!" Karkat glances at dave worriedly.

Dave stares down at his hand, which is covered in bright red blood, and his eyes shut. "Ughhhh..."

_"he fucking deserves it for showing me all the blasphemy the juggalo humans worship"_

Karkat frowns and looks back at Gamzee. "You could have just ignored it! Considering that there are probably millions of humans that watch all that clown shit you shouldn't just take it all out on him!"

**"ITS ALL BEAUTIFUL KARKAT I WAS JUST HATING UP ON HIM IN A BLACK KIND OF WAY" **Gamzee frowns. "are you attempting to flip our quadrant bro because youre my moirail not my auspice"

He scowls. "No! Fuck no! I am just saying; need I remind you that they only have one quadrant? Or is your brain too damaged to even contain that small piece of information?" He frowns, staring at Gamzee hard.

**"DONT BE MOTHER FUCKING SELFISH KARKAT MY BOSOM BRO"** _"my chestplate all up and aches at you trying to seperate me from my kismesis"_ **"YOURE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING WANT ME TO BE CHEERFUL ARENT YOU"**

Dave grumbles, "Never said I wanted to be your kismesis, you crazy motherfucker."

Karkat flashes Dave another glance before frowning at Gamzee. "A kismesitude has to be full of _consent_. This is nothing of the like! Did you even _ask_ if he wanted to be your kismesis, even if he was even fucking _capable_ of black feelings for another person or troll for goodness sake!"

_"black romance is all about fucking trusting each other bro and i know he would never kill me" _Gamzee grins sloppily. **"AND I NEED HIM AROUND TO KICK THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT OUT OF, SO I WONT KILL HIM"**

"YOU ARE JUST TAKING YOUR ANGER OUT ON HIM NOW! THAT IS NOT A PROPER RIVALRY! THAT IS YOU HELPING YOURSELF!" He scowled. "Always take and never give." He glowered at Gamzee, digging daggers into him with his eyes.

Gamzee finally realizes, through his constant haze of both insanity and stupidity, that Karkat is all grown up. _"you all up and grow while i was in the vents karkat?"_ **"ADULT LOOKS GOOD AND SCARY ON YOU"**

"No shit! Adults are always scary!" He hissed back with a frown.

_"would you motherfucking mind getting all up and off me now"_

Karkat frowned but pushed away, sitting down in front of Gamzee for a moment before sliding over to Dave worriedly. "Dave? You still awake?"

Dave grumbles, "Don't wanna be."

Karkat snickers lightly.

Gamzee sits up and glares at Dave. **"SO WHAT QUADRANT ARE YOU BROTHERS IN ANYWAY"**

Karkat grumbles his annoyance at the question and sits back, sending Gamzee a glare, but he waits for Dave to answer it anyways.

Dave grimaces and holds both hands to his head. "I'm not in any fucking quadrant with either of you dipshits, okay?"

Gamzee growls.

Karkat rolls his eyes, knowing what Dave is like. "Of course not." He huffed, but it was more out of amusement at Dave trying to deny it or avoid it. He soon became serious again and he peeled Dave's hands away from his head, looking at the back on the top of it with worry. "Scale your pain."

"What's the scale?" he groans.

"One to ten."

Gamzee stands and regards the two with interest.

"Four twenty," Dave grunts, attempting a grin but only looking pained.

"Really?" Karkat rolls his eyes but nods anyways. "Pull out that first aid kit you had earlier. I remember you putting it away before."

"I don't know if I can even open my captulogue."

Gamzee huffs, **"I DIDNT EVEN HIT YOU THAT FUCKING HARD" **_"youre just playing it the fuck up for my karbro"_

"They aren't as tough as trolls Gamzee!" Karkat reminds him irritably, before returning to Dave. "Look, if you can't get your princess hands to remove that kit then you are stuck with this pain till Kanaya or Rose come. That or I literally drag you to the library to get them."

Dave grumbles and reaches mentally into his captulogue. He drops a jar of unopened apple juice and a bunch of shuriken on the floor before finally pulling out the first aid kit he had used for Karkat.

**"QUADRANT WHORE,"** Gamzee mumbles, but not quietly enough.

Karkat scowls and sends a glare Gamzee's way. "You fucking jealous now? Hmm?" he spits out.

Gamzee growls loudly, _"what if i fucking am"_

"THEN YOU PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR OWN FUCKING DUTIES AS A MOIRAIL!" he hissed out with venom, red eyes searing at Gamzee.

Gamzee's face falls.

Karkat huffed irritably and opened up the first aid kit, quickly grabbing out the bandages and leaning over Dave. "Hold still, it might hurt," he warned calmly.

Dave glares at him. "Not more than getting my brains bashed in, I bet." His glare roves up to Gamzee but can't quite meet the troll's face.

Karkat wrapped about half of the bandage around Dave's head cautiously, moving the other half to cover what he could manage to of the bite on Dave's forearm. "That'll have to do till Kanaya or Rose can help at least."

"Dude I so don't want them involved-"

**"IM SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF MY OWN KISMESIS KARKAT"** Gamzee suddenly realizes and booms from overhead.

Karkat growled and glared at Gamzee irritably, not moving an inch away from Dave. "Looks like you did a damned well job of that, huh?"

_"you didnt even let me try"_ his voice quiets to something almost gentle.

Karkat studied Gamzee for a moment, squinting his eyes sceptically before slowly taking a small step away and to the side of Dave, allowing Gamzee to get closer but keeping close to him in case something bad happened. "Then show me how good of a kismesis you can be..."

Gamzee stands over Dave, who winces, and the troll slowly surmises him. **"HES SUPPOSED TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN WOUNDS AFTER A FIGHT"** _"but i guess you're right and humans cant handle that part of blackrom"_

Karkat keeps his eyes trained on his moirail for any signs of violence.

**"IM NOT SURE HOW MOTHERFUCKING COMFORTABLE I AM WITH THE WEAKNESS OF MY CHOICE OF KISMESIS"**

Karkat rolled his eyes, of course Gamzee would doubt his opponent, considering himself placed higher than them. "Did you even think of that there is a difference between humans and trolls or did you just totally forget about that and get the images and sounds of the human clown fakes in your thinkpan on repeat?"

_"im feeling the stirrings of pity in my miracle life pulser karkat"_ Gamzee's eyes glaze over and Dave winces again.

"Fuck no what the fuck is that."

Karkat frowns and squints his eyes at Gamzee. "You sure that is pity?"

**"NOT FUCKING SURE YET"**

He continues to stare at Gamzee, waiting.

_"he pisses me the motherfuck off as much as he makes me sick with how weak he is"_

"Okay dude could you _not_ while I'm _right here_?" Dave grimaces.

Karkat made no more to go closer or to back off, he remained there crouching to be level with Dave.

**"MAYBE I SHOULD RETURN TO THE VENTS AND TALK T-"** Gamzee's head snaps up. _"and motherfucking rethink my emotions"_

Karkat blinked. "What were you going to say?" He tilted his head at the clown.

**"IM GONNA JUST BE ALL UP AND QUICK LEAVING YOU TWO NOW"** Gamzee captulogues his juggling pins and walks to the transportulizer.

Karkat scoffed and settled back closer to Dave as Gamzee left. "Ok, no matter what you say, I'm taking you to Rose and Kanaya," he said decidedly. He moved to help lift Dave up to standing, reaching a hand to slip under his arm to his opposite shoulder.

Dave attempted to push him off, muttering that he could walk and would be fine, but his head was spinning so badly that he gave up and let Karkat help. "God fucking dammit what is with him?" he asked, obviously referring to Gamzee.

Karkat gave a half laugh and helped Dave to standing, holding him still for a few moments to make sure Dave didn't get too dizzy from getting up too fast. "Nothing, he is just trying to figure out how he feels about you..." He said the last part slightly hesitantly.

"I never asked for any of this bullshit," Dave grumbled, pressing his unoccupied hand over his eyes under the shades.

Karkat nodded. "Humans are different, you don't have the usual pressures that trolls do. If a troll finds an opportunity to fill a quadrants with someone they are interested in, then they would most likely go straight after that, heedless or not of if the other troll was wanting it or not. Gamzee obviously didn't think of whether you wanted the same thing, and just took your fighting as an advance to him much like his advance to you, till he started showing signs of vacillating towards the end..." He half-carried Dave to the transportalizer as they zapped to another hall way, the transportalizer to the library not too far away.

Dave grumbles but mainly remains quiet until they zap into the library.


	17. Chapter 16

Rose is not there but Kanaya is sewing on a machine she managed to locate in one of the labs and alchemize into something workable. A long trail of amazingly colorful fabric spews from its needley maws.

"Kanaya!" Karkat calls out as they zap in, leading Dave over to a seat to rest him on.

She looks up when the transportulizer zaps but does a double-take that is almost comedic when she sees Dave being supported by Karkat and supposedly wounded. She quickly turns off the machine and stands, rushing over to Dave's side. "Oh my goodness I-" She halts as soon as she gets any kind of close to Karkat. Her eyes widen as much as possible and she shakes visibly.

He stiffened upon seeing Kanaya change.

"O-Oh..." Her hand jerks toward her bag, which holds her lipstick.

Karkat frowned and eyes her warily. "Kanaya. Gamzee caught Dave off guard, he's hurt," he reminded her to try to get her to focus on the injured person instead of him.

"K-Karkat you...are..." Her voice shakes.

"Dave. Now." He didn't want to talk about him being grown up. Karkat cautiously placed Dave onto a seat next to one of the library tables.

Dave slumps into it and mumbles, "M'fine..."

"No you're not."

[Kanaya wants more than anything to help her friend there but she can't seem to move her frightened gaze from the...ADULT...TROLL...standing right in front of her. Her fight or flight instincts are rushing madly through her midblood veins and her fingers are an inch from her chainsaw. Her jaw clenches. "Karkat, you must...s-swear not to harm me..."

"Kanaya..." He says slowly. "Why would I hurt yo-" He glanced back to his body being an adult, darker skin, tighter muscles and being larger than before. He sighed. "Yes, yes, whatever."

"Please attempt to sound more sincere," her guard is still up.

"I swear Kanaya if he wants ME fixed up of all people, he's not gonna hurt YOU." Dave grunts.

Kanaya's eyes finally flick toward the human before returning to Karkat.

Karkat also glances at Dave before back to Kanaya with a sigh. "I promise not to hurt you, there, can you help him now?" Gestures to Dave.

"Take a few steps back. Maybe that shall bolster my confidence," Kanaya swallowed.

He studied her for a few moments, cautious, before he glanced at Dave once again and took a step back, then another till he was at least ten feet away. He knew how wary that younger trolls could be of adults, even if they were friends. It was just instinct. But he kept his eyes trained on Kanaya and Dave the whole time, never looking away from them.

Kanaya watched him and gathered all of her strength to push forward and go to Dave. "What exactly occured to give you such a contusion and...and your arm...?" she asks when she unfurls the bandage.

Karkat remained standing, remaining still as he fought himself to keep from going to help as well.

Dave grumbles, stretching his legs out and hiding a few winces. "Clown caught me in the hallway and tried to fucking murder me, albeit with the _best intentions_ I guess." His voice is heavily sarcastic.

"I do not understand?"

"Caliginously, Kanaya." Karkat informed her.

Kanaya bares her teeth, "That idiot."

"Yeah I'm just...exhausted from all this romantic bullshit, I think...I need a nap," Dave admits.

Karkat remains quiet in fear of frightening Kanaya with his anger for Gamzee, still burning inside him.

"I feel the need to tell you that the sympathy I have for you and your situation is in no way synonymous with pity" Kanaya says quietly.

Dave almost grins, but when she swabs his forearm he shudders and it disappears. "I know, Kan."

A zap comes from the opposite transportulizer and the blind troll taps her way over with her white and red cane. "I smell a splash of grape and a puddle of cherry," she announces as explanation for why she's arrived so suddenly. "And also..." her grin smears into a calculating line. She turns her head in Karkat's direction.

He remained quiet.

"Black Licorice...?"

He huffed, "Yes, thank you for noticing."

"He's also past moulting, Terezi," Kanaya warns.

Terezi stops in her tracks. "Whaaaaaaaaaaat?"

Karkat shifted a bit, uneasy. "What she said."

"Ah, you've finally gone full adult and embraced your blood color. That explains why the cherry stench is stronger than usual, and coming from two different locations," Terezi's mouth breaks into a grin again (though she doesn't look as wildly confident as before), "I thought maybe someone pulled a Kanaya and I was going to find my coolkid splattered all over the floor, in Eridanlike slices."

Karkat crossed his arms. "That wouldn't happen." He states like its the most obvious thing in the world.

Terezi's thin eyebrows reach for the skies as she approaches Dave's chair. "Oh?"

Dave sighs as Kanaya pricks his forehead with a light sedative so that his head won't hurt so badly.

"Yes, because, one, Kanaya guards her lipstick tightly. Two, she is sensible enough to not do that. Three, I wouldn't let it happen." He said the last part stubbornly like a child not getting his way.

This tips the scales (haha Libra joke) and Terezi is no longer afraid to approach Karkat. She veers from Dave's chair and heads in his direction. "You wouldn't, hmmmmmmmmm?"

"No," he says plainly.

Kanaya glances up to watch Terezi even as she re-bandages Dave's head.

"Is this admission of yours a dedication against having any more comrades slaughtered or something else entirely?" she stops in front of him and leans both arms on her cane. Her toothy grin is back in full force.

Karkat stays firm, taking in a slightly larger breaths than usual. "Of course I wouldn't be able to face it if another of our comrades were to be killed! Who wouldn't? Besides Gamzee of course." He purposely avoided properly answering the question.

"Do not avoid the question, Karkles," Terezi waves a finger at him scoldingly. "Your witness is necessary to judge the end of the trial."

He says nothing, but glances at Dave, seeing what it is he wanted him to really say. Dave is nearly unconscious now from the sedative.

Karkat is very lucky that Terezi can't smell what direction his eyeballs are pointing in. "Your hesitation makes the judge suspicious of your motives, Karkat!" she sing-songs.

He scowls and looks back at her. "It's none of your business," he states, still not wanting to tell her, wondering if Dave was willing to let them know about their sort of relationship or not.

"My business is you, Karkles!" she fingers his wider chest. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yes black licorice inDEED." :D

He stayed still and made no move to say any more though.

Terezi smooths her hand up to his jaw and feels along the line of his shoulder. "I sure do look forward to my moult if it'll make me look as tasty as you smell!" Her grin is sharklike.

Karkat remained unamused, still mussing over his thoughts anxiously.

There's a sudden roar as Kanaya takes out her chainsaw momentarily to tear through Dave's shirt so that she can get to his forearm and chest uninhibited.

Terezi's blind eyes light up. She dashes away to investigate.

Karkat jumps at the sound and growls slightly. Kanaya shakes at the sound of Karkat's growl, and even Terezi almost trips over a ruffle in the rug when she hears it.

He blinks in surprise at the effect he had and stopped quickly.

"D-do not worry yourself, Karkat, I would not dream of injuring Dave further," Kanaya rushes to inform him. "My hands on my weapon are very steady."

He nods and relaxes again.

Terezi glances back at Karkat before tilting her head to Dave. "What happened to him anyway?"

Kanaya tells her that Gamzee appeared to try to force Dave into a kismesisship. She points out the two worse wounds on Dave's body, but Terezi hardly seems interested anymore. Her gray visage paled when the word kismesis emerged into the conversation. Her grip on her cane tightened.

"Oh," she says quietly.

Karkat spotted this and misinterpreted her distress. "Gamzee veered away from it at the end."

"Is that so?" her voice was steely and there was no hint of glee on her face.

Karkat's jaw tensed up, muscles tightening before he let them lose to speak. "He said that he was moving towards pity for him." He said the words lowly, angrily.

"Pity for _Dave_?" Terezi finally turned to him, her confusion obvious.

"_Yes,_" he spat out, the slightest of growls rumbling in his throat again.

"How?" That was Kanaya, looking up from her stitching of Dave's shoulder. "Dave seems one of the least pitiful people I have ever had the chance to speak to," she admits.

"He literally said 'im feeling the stirrings of pity in my miracle life pulser'. If that doesn't go to say he was pitying Dave then I don't know what the fuck does!" He scowled and his eyes glared angrily at nothing in particular.

Both female trolls wince again.

"I did not mean I do not believe you heard him say that he felt that way, Karkat, but I mean to ask what about Dave he pitied?" Kanaya says weakly.

Karkat pulled back, calming himself down again. "That he wasn't tough enough to be his kismesis, considering he nearly fell unconscious from a blow to the head that Gamzee considered _not that hard_."

"Well he's no troll," Terezi growled, sounding...jealous? Is that what that sounded like?

He nods in agreement, also sort of jealous and not really noticing Terezi's jealousy over his own.

"Where IS Gamzee?" Terezi asks innocently.

"Somewhere, in the vents I bet. I think he was going to talk to someone, he cut himself short though and started to leave before he could say who."

Terezi snarls. She starts to move, but then stops herself. "Alright."

Karkat watches her carefully, "Alright?"

Kanaya finishes stitching up Dave's shoulder and covers it with a bandage as well. Then she sees a bruise forming on Dave's abdomen and lightly pushes at it. Dave wakes up from his drug-induced nap with a startled yelp and smacks Kanaya in the face before he falls off the chair.

Kanaya reels backward, and holds her nose between both hands. "Oh!"

Karkat quickly took a step in Dave/Kanaya's direction at the noise before halting himself in case Kanaya would freak out.

Dave rolls on the floor back and forth before groaning, "Why this?"

Kanaya removes her hands from her face to reach placatingly for Dave, "I apologize, Strider! It appears that one or two of your bloodpusher bone cage bars are broken..."

Dave lies back and stops wiggling, "God. Dammit."

Kanaya helps him up again into the chair despite her bleeding nose (which from a comedic sense Dave thinks looks like snot is running all over her face).

Karkat can't help himself and takes a wary step closer to them both, keeping as calm as he could be.

Kanaya looks up and swallows before nodding, "It is alright Karkat, I am no longer afraid of you."

Terezi still seems lost in thought, ignoring them all.

Dave groans again, "Just wrap my side up and let me go to bed. I've broken ribs before, this is nothing."

"I doubt it's nothing," Karkat comments, striding over slowly, keeping his eyes away from Kanaya so as not to frighten her with direct eye contact.

"Vantas, I know my own body's limits and strengths better than you do."

Kanaya gathers more bandages, "If you are sure."

"Considering that trolls would prefer to have their broken 'ribs', as you say, fixed properly instead of bandaged, either you are some type of tough guy to be able to put up with pain like that or you are just_ trying_ to be tough and aren't really, which is it?"

[Dave glares venomously at Karkat. "I _just said_ I've had my ribs broken before. This is how my bro wrapped me up afterward, and this is how I want this to be wrapped up now, capisce?"

[Kanaya hesitates between the two, bandage roll in her hand and ashen clovers in her eyes.

"Capisce?" Karkat repeats curiously.

"It's Italian for mind your own fucking business."

He smirked. "Sounds like a lot of words to be stood for by a single word if you ask me."

"Yeah well if you listen closely you can hear the sound of no one asking you."

"Capise sounded like a question to me," Karkat returned, but he was fairly enjoying this.

Kanaya breathed out in relief when their argument turned to healthy banter and set about wrapping Dave's chest to his whimpered specifications.

"Once again your opinion is about as meaningful as a pile of your own shit."

"I have plenty to argue against that but you already know that and you are just trying to argue with me, aren't you?" Karkat smirked wider, nearly turning it into a smile.

Dave curls his lip at Karkat. "You're literally 1000% dick."

"Not sure if that is possible or even applicable to me. To you maybe."

"Dick doesn't just refer to human genital sausage it also means douchebag, asshole, and other words that you actually use a lot. Add that to your vocabulary, expand your word usage some."

"It's a sausage now?" He raised an eyebrow at him curiously and with slight enjoyment.

"Can you skip past the reference to whats in my pants and get with the rest of the program, Vantas?" He winces when Kanaya pulls the bandage tight enough to tape closed.

Karkat flinches in reaction to Dave's pain. "Sure, what do you want to talk about then?"

"Maybe about taking him back to his room?" Kanaya stands up again and brushes Dave's hair back from his head. "You said you need rest now, and I agree. Though someone should inform your sister of your malady..."

"How about _you_ do that?" Dave attempts to stand, slapping away any hands that shoot out to help him. "Actually I'm...gonna move to another room... It freaks me the fuck out knowing the juggalo might come for me again at my current one..."

Karkat nodded. "That would be wise."

"Maybe you should move closer to the rest of us?" Kanaya suggests. "I know you enjoy your solitude but you are in a vulnerable state at the moment and-"

"I've been injured before, I'm fine, I can take care of myself, but yeah staying close could be...beneficial..." Dave admits reluctantly.

"Why don't you stay in the room next to Karkat's?" Kanaya asks, eyes flickering toward the adult troll to her right.

He blinked in surprise. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.." Glances at Dave.

Dave taps his foot and huffs. "Whatever." He is just much too tired to deal with any more bullshit today. "Take me to your castle in the sky, Vantas, I'm all yours."

"So it is true that pink is your power colour if you are being the princess now?" He smirked knowingly.

"Shut up Vantas, my bullshit meter is completely full for today." Dave sticks his arm out.

"You expecting me to pick you up or something?" Karkar raises his eyebrows.

"No, do you want to fuck my ribs up more, just LET ME LEAN ON YOU, JEGUS." Dave is so done. So done.

Karkat smirks and reaches his arm about, supporting Dave before taking slow steps in the direction of his room.

"I wish you a very fast recovery, Strider!" Kanaya calls after them.

Terezi has disappeared in the last 5 minutes.

Karkat continues leading Dave away. Dave hobbles but only to prevent the stretching of his ribs.

As soon as they pass through the transportulizer and the two are alone again in Karkat's hallway, Dave feels bad for being kind of jerky to him about the quadrants thing and being done with romantic stuff. "Vantas," he begins edgily, wincing again (dammit!).

"Hmm?" He turns to him slightly, still keeping hold of him and letting him lean against him the whole time.


	18. Chapter 17

Dave suddenly loses all of his nerve. "No fuck it. K show me, where's my new abode?"

"No, what were you going to say? You can talk to me about anything you want, I'm not gonna judge you." Karkat slows down his pace a bit so that Dave would have to wait longer to get to his new room.

Dave groans in annoyance. He knows what this is. "Fuck you. Whatever, I can get to my own room," he tries to remove his arm.

Karkat holds his arm still. "Nope, talk to me."

"No I'm not having a feelings jam out in the hall," Dave continues to try to extricate himself from Karkat's hold, despite the pain in his shoulder and his ribs.

Karkat just follows after Dave's movements as he tries to pull himself free. "So it's about your feelings, huh? _Do_ go on."

"Go fuck yourself Vantas I was joking."

"Clearly you aren't by how serious you are now."

"I'm really serious about you needing to take me to my room and stop asking questions right the fuck now."

"_Now_ you need me to take you to your room, princess?" He smirked wider.

"Please wipe that salacious smirk off your face."

"You didn't answer the question..." he sing-songed snidely.

Dave groans again and throws his head back and his uninjured arm out. "Fine whatever take me to my room, my knight in shining fuckass."

He smirks, enjoying teasing Dave as he swept him up human bridal style and smirked wider, snickering at Dave.

Dave tries not to wince as loudly as he has been but fails. "Ok, be gentle though, this is my first time."

"Of course it is. Whatever, I never thought you'd ever actually let me pick you up like this." He snickered again and started walking, conscious of Dave's wounds as he did so.

"If only for irony's sake," Dave sighs.

"Really? Irony? I sometimes believe you just label the most random of things as ironic just to make it either cooler or less embarrassing for you."

Dave grumbles, "I sometimes believe your brain was replaced with the troll equivalent of a toaster at birth, or when you hatched, whatever."

"Hatch," Karkat confirms, not even bothered in the slightest at the insult.

"Dear Karkat Vantas, there is an injured maiden in your arms with sedatives in her just starting to wear off, please stop fucking around and save her life by taking her to HER FUCKING ROOM WHERE SHE CAN REST, sincerely Dave Strider."

Karkat laughed loudly at this and stopped, just to bother Dave a bit more. "You are a female now? I am never giving that one up, ever. Should I call you something else now, perhaps? Maybe a girl name similar to yours? What about Dove? Or Dani. Do you like the sound of Dani or Dove better?"

Dave winces more loudly, "How do you even know common human names?"

"I did mention that I read, right? Considering that I can no longer read any more of the Alternian romance novels, since I have run out, I might as well read some humans ones and, waddayaknow? I learned something new." He started walking Dave off to the room next to his.

"You read? You have enough think pan power to do that?" Dave's head starts to loll to the side.

"Need I remind you I have the power to drop you at any time, right?" He smirked again.

"You won't," Dave says quietly after a second.

Karkat drops Dave, whose girlish shriek nearly deafens even himself.

But it was a fake drop and Karkat catches him gently, smirking again.

"OW OW OW OW OW OKAY OKAY JEEEEEGUS DONT DO THAT OW FUCK"

"That didn't hurt." He said with a playful huff and he continued walking.

"Oh god I don't trust you anymore," Dave's voice is strained, "I rebuke you you aren't my god anymore Karkat."

"Good, because all that 'ironic Karkat you're my god' shit from before just creeped me out." He rounds the corner in the hall to his room, Dave's new housing just a bit closer.

"Get out," Dave rasps in irritation.

"If I am blocked out of the hallway after I put you in your new room, I would have to stay in there, as sad of an experience that would be for you."

"What?"

"You said get out, so if I were to get out of the hall we are currently in, the closest room would be... your new one." He gestures to the door he was approaching.

"Yeah go...that way," Dave shrugs his shoulder toward the door. "Do that."

Karkat rolls his eyes and nods, soon arriving before the door. "No more being a princess now," he says, slowly lowering Dave's feet to the ground.

"I'm ever so fucking grateful, sir."

"Don't mention it."

Dave takes his own weight with difficulty, since his head is spinning again, and pushes the door open. It's outfitted like all the rest of the rooms, but is colder since it hasn't been being used.

Karkat moves to step after him. He glanced about the room, unamused. "Needs to be cleared up a bit and heated some more..." He suggested.

"Yeah well," Dave frowns and pushes Karkat back toward the door with what strength he has left. "You have to go anyway, I'm just gonna lie down and try to relax and maybe get some shuteye."

"You sure?" Karkat questioned, not really wanting to go.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna be any fun with this swelling headache and all beat up."

"Alright, but you better not just fall over halfway to your bed. I don't expect to enjoy having to find you bleeding out on the floor of your room, unconscious." He backed himself out of the room fully, smiling to Dave softly. "And I doubt you'd like that either."

"No that sounds like a shitty situation," Dave says. His voice softens too. "Thanks for...yknow...helping me."

"You would have done the same if the places were switched."

"Yeah well...doesn't mean I shouldn't thank you..."

Karkat smiled wider and a 'humph' rose up from his throat. "Be safe and try to get some rest at least."

"Yeah." Dave hesitates.

Karkat raises his eyebrow at him and leans closer in anticipation.

"What, I don't get a kiss?" Dave asks, pretending he's trying not to look disappointed. (There's a lot of irony happening there.)

"Of course you do..." Karkat mumbles as he pushed forward, planting a soft and sweet kiss on Dave's lips as he still smiled.

Dave grips Karkat's shirt with one hand to stall him once again from leaving and says, "You know when I said romance and quadrant stuff was bullshit and I didn't want anything to do with it I didn't mean whatever's going on with us, right?"

He half chuckled and nodded. "I can see through that facade of yours now, you know." He said with slight glee, still leaning close to Dave. He paused and gave him another kiss before pulling back and starting off to his own room, glancing over his shoulder at Dave with a warm smile.

Dave stares at him incredulously. As Karkat leaves he leans into the doorway and watches him go, "NO FUCKING WAY, FOR HOW LONG?"

"I have seen through you about half way through our last conversation in the hall and I am making no move of stopping." He called back with a grin.

"You're stupid!"

"And you're a tool!" He snickered at remembering the lines.

Dave slammed his door. He crept over to the bed and threw himself into it and under the covers with as much care as he could. He was indeed used to having the shit beat out of him and having numerous broken bones and still having to fight on. He wasn't used to someone taking so much care to make sure he was okay after being beat up, however. Bro always wrapped his wounds up after they fought, yeah, but this level of care was off the charts. The chart was swinging from the hook and the little red trend line was trailing down onto the floor after shooting right off the side of the chart like that...

Ok fuck this headache, it was ruining Dave's metaphors.


	19. Chapter 18

Kanaya is standing in the library waiting for Karkat. Her hands are twined together worriedly, but she has put an effort into keeping the rest of her body relaxed.

Rose enters the library however, instead, and is in a few moments directly before Kanaya, radiating anger. "That drippy clown hurt my brother?"

Kanaya flinches harder from Rose's fury than when she had first seen adult Karkat. "I fixed him up as best I could. Karkat took him down towards his room to lie down..."

"How severe are his injuries?"

"He was bashed over the head and has a few broken...ribs, and a bite on his left shoulder. I stitched that up."

"He's with Karkat?" Confusion peaks through Rose's fury for a moment before she smiles.

"Ah, I foresaw something like this..."

Kanaya blinks, "Um?"

"I will go and see my brother now. If you spot Gamzee, give him a proper hello, from me, will you?" Rose asks sweetly, heading back to the transportulizer.

Kanaya smiles, "Of course, Rose."

Rose is in Karkat's hallway now, stomping daintily down towards where she knows the troll's room is.

EARLIER ====

Karkat pushed himself into his room and blinked about, it didn't seem that different to when he left it. Good.

He brushed off and away some of the few remaining peelings of skin on his floor before shuffling over and sinking in under his pile of clothes, covering his whole body up in the garments.

He didn't fall asleep in the clothes, he merely huddled up in them, his face near the edge of the pile so he just had to shift and open his eyes to look out if someone came in.

BE ROSE ====

Rose pauses outside Vantas's door, which is still dismantled. "Karkat, may I enter? My last visit I was less than welcome so this time I am entreating you," she calls.

"Hrm?" He mumbles and blinks his eyes opening, shuffling to get a view of the room. "Yeah, sure." He says calmly.

Rose steps daintily over the wreckage, tutting gently. "When are you going to clean up this mess...?"

He watches her calmly, bright red eyes seeming to glow in the darkness that he preferred. He shrugged under the clothes, looking about the room. "You can blame Dave for that, but not blame him too much. I didn't open the door and he opened it himself."

"Oh your moult is complete, I see," she clasps her hands behind her back and strolls over. "You look much more menacing now, much more like the trolls I have read about in your history books.

He remains still, looking downcast. "Yeah, not really good though..." He gave a small sigh at remembering how Kanaya had reacted to him.

"I foresaw this happening, but didn't know how quickly it would happen..." she mused. "I apologize for not warning you, in retrospect."

Karkat huffed and nodded. "It was unavoidable anyways." He shuffled and brought himself to sitting on the pile instead of lying with in it, revealing him in his adult glory; darker, tougher skin, bright red eyes, stronger body structure and sharper features.

Rose hums in appreciation. "You look much stronger now. How have you changed besides the visual?"

He shrugs slightly. "I am not exactly as steady on my feet for the center of balance change, I can hear, see and smell things better and feel much stronger. Just mainly, things intensify for the better, I guess."

"Hmm. And your skin's color change?"

"Yeah, darker now, as you can plainly see." He gestures to his body and flops his hands down into his lap again.

"Is the texture different?' She's just aching to analyze the fuck out of him.

"Of course it is! It is rougher and harder and thicker." He frowns in irritation.

"Interesting. Wonderful." Rose suddenly coughs and reminds herself why she is there. "Ah, but getting to the reason for my visit." She takes a breath, "Where is my brother? I have been told that you are the 'most reliable witness' in this case, if I would like to know what happened to one Dave Strider today, and who was involved." Rose's curiosity vanishes, to be replaced by serious intensity.

"Thought you were going to ask that." He says plainly before giving a sigh. "Ok, Dave had left me to sleep in my room to finish moulting, he headed back to his room I suppose. After a few hours I woke up to something, I didn't know what till I heard Gamzee shouting and I quickly ran off to help. After I went through the transportulizer I saw Dave with a bleeding gash in his forearm from Gamzee who had a slide in his shoulder from Dave. Gamzee took the distraction as his chance and dashed forward, smashing Dave over the dead with his clubs and nearly making him fall unconscious and I tried to calm him down for a while before I went over and wrapped up Dave's wounds as best I could. Gamzee was trying to be caliginous with Dave, as far as I could tell, but then he was... saying that he pitied him, at the end before he walked off and I had to let Dave lean on me to take him to the library where Kanaya freaked at the sight of me and I had to stand about ten feet away from her so she could treat Dave to the best of her abilities. Is that all you need or do you need the long story?" He huffed.

Rose has calmed down since Karkat's story began. "Dave is not in any mortal danger from his wounds, is he?"

"No, I just sent him to his new room to rest not too long ago. Did you See anything interesting in the future by the way?"

Rose's frown turns up slightly, almost into a self-satisfied grin. "Interesting? Maybe." She coughs, "Where is Dave's new room?"

Karkat frowns. "Tell me what you mean by 'maybe' first."

"You would refuse to tell me where my own brother is? I'm shocked at your depravity, Karkat!"

"I am not refusing, I am delaying."

Rose sighs. "I have Seen the approach of a dream bubble. A large one. We should pass through it soon. If not much later."

"Know who or what is in the bubble?"

"No, I am completely unable to See inside the bubble. It has a sort of...reflective surface. I can only See our own meteor and ourselves in it."

"Is there any signs of danger or anything of the sorts?"

"I don't See that, but I also don't _not_ See that so..." Rose grins.

Karkat huffs and rolls his eyes. "So you don't know?"

"I don't know," she responds.

"We will figure it out when we get to it then." Karkat grumbles and nods. "Anyways, Dave's next door to the right. If he's not asleep then make him go to sleep, he needs to rest."

"I will check on him, but it sounds as though you and Kanaya took very good care of him." Rose's eyebrows twitch. "You surprise me."

He scowled. "Yeah, I am not just an asshole all of the time, no one can be, not even Dave."

Her eyes widen as well as her smile. "Is that so?"

"There _is_ another side of Dave that surprisingly isn't a massive asshole constantly, but I doubt he wants me to tell you, so I won't."

"You sure have gone through a change of heart as well as a change of body," Rose points out.

"Oh fuck you! Keep your flattering comments to yourself!" He huffed and looked away. "Do you _need_ to know anything else or not?"

"My comment was not intended to be flattering, and I apologize if it offended you to know that I am glad you and my brother have decided to get along."

"Yeah, whatever then."

"What started you on your road to the human disease called friendship, if I may ask?"

He studied her intensely before deciding that there was no reason not to talk to her about this. He shrugged. "I think it started after Dave sat on me." He stated blatantly.

Rose blinks in confusion, her brow wrinkling. "Excuse me?"

"Bluh! I insulted him and he literally sat on me like a mattress."

"Oh. Yes...Dave does do things like that..." she muses slowly.

"I know now... Do you really want me to tell you what we talked about and such? Or just the skim of it?"

"Karkat I think you know nothing would make me happier than to hear every single detail," Rose's smile is sincere as she makes her way over to sit next to him on the pile, foregoing the bed.

"Then you had better be settled, cause this will be longer than one of Kankri's sermons!"

Rose looks FUCKING DELIGHTED.

"We were just walking along the halls, a chance meeting really. Greeted sourly and sort of started saying how much we hated each other. He insulted my teeth, I insulted his face, and then he was saying something about me hating everyone else and that I was really kind inside. He started talking about Terezi and how she dumped me and then he was being an ass about all that. He asked why I was angry all the time I said it was my defense back home and he asked me to come chill with him and you and the others. I declined and he started saying that I am making myself miserable. I stated reasons why I don't hang out with anyone and then he was being really inconsiderate about our quadrants. Then he was talking about Gamzee and that somehow trailed off to smuppets then he was talking about saying 'oh my karkat' instead of 'oh my god' since I created your universe and there was a little argument over that fiasco then there was an argument about irony or something and then about that I laugh and smile and then he went on to saying how this could be a reality TV show and was being an ass and not listening to me. Anything you want to put in or ask so far?"

"No, do go on, this is fascinating. I shall hold my questions until you are finished."

"Ok. We were trying to figure out what it is we were doing; talking, chatting, arguing, we settled with banter. Then he forced his thumbs into my mouth and made me smile, till it slapped his hands away of course and stated I would bite his fingers off if he did that again. It then drifted to how his bro used to put swords in the fridge, then he used a game show metaphor, and I was unimpressed and he started saying all god related phrases except he replaced them with karkat, which pissed the shit out of me till I did what he was doing just for the sake of it and he hugged me because I was being ironic. _He_ hugged me, I did _nothing_. And then we were talking about that time when he wouldn't let me have the pen back, and then he went on about human dicks, and it changed to Japan for some fucked up reason, and I said I didn't understand nearly anything he said and he literally sat on me." He huffed irritably. "Fucking sat on me, the ass!"

"And I was angry of course, and he tried to calm me down after I insulted him multiple times, saying he was trying to be culturally aware by learning how Gamzee calmed me down. then I managed to get him off me and just sat there awkwardly for a while. He eventually talked about irony and giving fucks and he was rhyming to me and then went on about rapping. And he said he was trying to be culturally sensitive then, I told him to go away and that I won't say what my thinkpan was telling me to say because I am _not_ that mean, and he starts saying that I am a carebear on the inside. I think I hit him on the leg, and I tried to bother him, failed and gave up after a few moments before he used an obscene metaphor to try and describe what unflappable meant. Then it changed to saying that my future and past selves should fuck each other... I mean... the fuck? And then he was saying he could do it with his powers. I said they would kill each other before that would happen."

Rose has never been more enraptured in a conversation than the time she talked to Doc Scratch, but this comes as a close second.

"Then he was saying that Gamzee would kill him if I was to die and that he had an anti-boner. By the way, what the fuck is that? And he then proceeded to tackle me into his cape and tried to smush my eyebrows down because they were too high up on my face. I ended up thrashing about in his cape till I gave up and he finally let me out. I think he went on about his fingers being stubby and mine being pointy or something. Then we were saying we were all weird and that Dave was copying his older brother. I insulted him and he went on to talk about Equius and then it moved to him being Nepeta's moirail and how they were both killed by Gamzee and I felt terrible about the others being killed. And I explained what a moirail was. And then he asked what a pap and a shoosh was, so I demonstrated it for him, on him, and he sort of... got drunk on it and lied on the floor? You know anything of when he does that or just... random?" He blinked at Rose curiously and in total confusion.

Rose grins and blinks. "I think he may have been pulling one over on you with that..."

"You think? Because he really seemed spaced out..."

"I know for a fact that the troll technique of shoosh and pap does not cause that effect on humans. I apologize on my brother's behalf."

Karkat grumbled before regaining himself to continue. "And then he sort of... papped _me_ a few times and I was too dumbfounded to fight back. Then he asked to touch my horns. Of course I didn't want him to, and he started calling them other names. Handlebars, candy corn, headgear and eventually head nipples, at which point I was confused since trolls aren't a mammalian species. Uh... Turns out Dave's ticklish, makes him laugh if you poke him in certain spots. And then he was on about my grub scars and horns being sensitive. And Dave was just checking with that... theory you had about troll genitalia, to which he made a terrible word mix up, and I avoided it out of curtsey." He was just about blushing by then.

"The theory I had?" Rose asks. She absolutely notices the blushing.

"Tentacles?"

Rose's eyes widen. "I meant that mostly as a comparison. For muscle similarities, and perhaps texture. Was I mostly correct then in believing that the main method of DNA rich fluid dispersal is through a two or more elongated flexible organs in your genital area? Do both genders of your race have the same type of genitals?" Rose asks, with way too much interest.

Karkat sighed, "Yes, that is how the transaction of reproduction fluids happens for our species and yes, the opposite genders are just about exactly the same, genitalia wise. Happy?"

"Oh yes thank you, I am very pleased to be correct in my assumptions." Her grin proves this point. "You may continue your account now."

"Yes, um... I think I went on to explain why certain things freak trolls out that don't usually freak out humans, and I told him about how trolls moult when they come of a certain age and of how my blood is the lowest colour on the hemospectrum and that I was supposed to moult first, and I was correct. But tell me, what the fuck is he on about humans having a second puberty like trolls?" He raises his eyebrows and shakes his head at Rose, waiting for an answer.

Rose blinks, "Why, how did he describe it?"

"Saliva cocoon? Fuzz? Antennae? Invisible wings? Glitch that makes you a slug?"

"Oh yes the saliva cocoon," Rose smiles wider and smooths her orange skirt down. "I had forgotten. Second puberty is too far away for me to be worrying about it now."

"Ok... it just sounds sort of... weird- hey why haven't I read about this sooner though? Or seen any of this?"

"Well we didn't exactly bring copies of our own history books with us into the game did we?"

"Yes, ok... That is understandable." Karkat frowns in confusion.

"You may just have to wait until one of us goes through the change, though of course we all hope to get through the game before we get too old."

"Anyways, Dave left and I went back to my room. Just as I was starting to moult, Kanaya came by and it took some persuading to get her to leave and eventually Dave came to my room and I didn't leave my pile of course and he ended up cutting the door down with his swords. My skin was itchng and he eventually got me out of the pile and pinned my arms to my sides. He tried to distract me with things and then we had the hammer joke, which was followed by multiple messups on my behalf that I did NOT intend to be flirtatious."

"He wouldn't react to any of my insults then, so I just took his glasses, and he literally was desperate to get them back, I didn't know why but I did return them after a moment, then bothered him till he spilled about them being sensitive to light, which made sense I guess. Following that he made a mistake much like mine, which then led to Dave seeing Daves fucking each other and I took his mind off of it and he sort of fell asleep on me, and I fell asleep afterwards."

Rose jolts, "You removed his sunglasses?"

"Uh... yeah. Why?"

"Dave has never removed his sunglasses before! Not even for any of us," she touches her chest, referring to her, John, and Jade.

Karkat's eyes widen in the darkness, night eyes flashing. "Wow, really?"

"He wears them because his eyes are sensitive, you say?"

"Uh... yeah. Like, light hurts them or something."

"I never would have guessed, seeing as he lives in one of the brightest states in the US..." Rose muses. "I still can barely believe you are the one he decided to be honest with about something he has kept hidden from us for years..."

"Well, I _took_ his shades off, he didn't give any form of consent for that to happen, he did take them off purposely later though..." He put a hand to his mouth thoughtfully.

"He did?"

"Yeah, his eyes are bright red, like mine are now." Karkat looks obviously happy to not be the only one with bright red eyes.

Rose gasps. "Oh my, that...that explains a lot."

"Um..."

"Perhaps I should explain...?" Rose tilts her head. "On earth, that kind of physical abnormality is nearly as bad socially as your mutant blood was on Alternia."

He blinked. "Oh... that must be why he related to me in the way of keeping others away from him with that act of his..." He thought out loud.

"His 'coolness factor'?" Rose makes dainty airquotes, smiling pleasantly.

He nods. "Yeah, that. He has lots of freckles though, right under his eyes, just where his shades hide. Huh..." He dazed off thinking about it and the proceeding actions of after seeing them.

Rose giggles. "Probably another reason he wears the shades."

He blinks back to reality. "Did you say something?"

Rose's eyebrows jump. "Why Karkat did you perhaps zone out for a moment there in the middle of our conversation?"

"Uh... I- I think I did. Why?" He was clearly nervous.

"You say Dave removed his shades a second time after you did so forcefully. He did this of his own free will?"

"Uh, yeah, the light had dimmed a bit I think. Enough for it not to hurt his eyes and he said that he could see me better without them on."

"He could see you better?" Her grin shifts toward snarky.

"He couldn't see me in dim light with his shades on. That's what he said at least. In his words, 'like that I'm about as blind as Harley or Egbert without their lenses.'" Karkat smirked at remembering that.

"For what exactly did he need to see you better? He seems to get along just fine with his dark sunglasses on normally..."

"Without his shades on he was able to see my freckles, he didn't notice them before then." He said, but it wasn't the real answer. Karkat knew the real answer to why Dave took off his glasses.

"Ah yes, you are the only troll I have seen so far with that particular feature," Rose smiles more naturally. She has already guessed the real reason why Dave removed his shades.

Karkat felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment and he covered the small dots on them with a groan of annoyance. "Why can't I just be normal?!" He flopped back into the pile.

Rose sighs dramatically, "What is normal?"

He blinked, then sighed. "Yeah, ok, fine. But no other trolls have these spots on their faces!"

"No other troll has moulted or has your red blood color either," Rose counts. "I would have thought you would be used to being different by now."

"But it doesn't mean that I can just _accept_ being different or _not want_ to be normal..." he said, pouting.

"Why would you want to be without your differences?"

"I dont... I just... I want to know what it feels like to be normal, to fit in with the others. I mean, now Kanaya and Terezi are gonna be so afraid of me..."

"Kanaya and Terezi will get over it."

He sighed.

"What real problems do you face, Karkat?" Rose asks gently.

"Related to this or... all together?"

"Related to your being 'different'."

"I just... sometimes I just want to fit in but... I sort of... not as badly... I don't really mind it, that much, now that I know Dave is, like me?"

Rose nods. "You do know that your influence on the other trolls because of your differences has been beneficial, don't you?" she asks slowly.

"Um... no... how?"

"Kanaya and I have spoken of this in great detail," Rose shifts her seat upon the pile. "She believes that if you had not taken such a strong leadership position over the others, a more violently-tempered troll, especially one of the high bloods, might have taken that position instead, and more bloodshed would have taken place than what has already occurred."

"Oh? So... that relates to the higher bloods being more blood thirsty than the lower bloods? And me being the lowest blood means I am the least likely to kill?" Karkat blinked in mild surprise.

"Not exactly. You seem to have...the most level head." Rose laughs, "Despite what everyone says about your temper, your anger never distorts your leadership, and you always seem to have the best plan. Kanaya says it was only due to you that the rest of them made it to the alpha timeline."

"Oh..." He blinked, thinking it through a moment before nodding. "That makes sense I guess..." He paused and thought about something before turning to Rose. "You remember that thing I said about interspecies-makeouts?" He kept his voice as calm as he could, but it wavered slightly as he spoke.

Rose's eyebrows leap again. "I do remember being informed of that particular rule."

"It's been revoked." Karkat stated plainly, looking away from Rose before he could give anything else away than what she might have already picked up.

"I see." Rose smiles again. "Great Leader, what changed your mind?"

"Nothing, Dave just said that I should revoke it is all. I decided 'why not' and here I am, telling you that I revoked it now." He shifted a bit.

"Dave made this decision?" she muses.

"Yeah... because I was sort of freaking out about it and-" He froze and went silent before he could continue.

"You were freaking out about the interspecies makeouts rule...?"

"Yeah."

"Why was that?" Rose leans on her knees.

"Because he didn't think it was necessary, nor did I frankly." He avoided the real reason of course.

Rose sighs loudly to signify her dropping the subject.

He gives a small sigh of relief.

"Well since you seem to have exhausted yourself with giving information... I must now attend to my brother and perhaps investigate further on this subject with another participant," she stands and stretches gracefully. "Thank you for the feelings jam, Karkat."

"What? You're going to talk to him about that? No!" His eyes widened slightly, thinking Dave would be a bit angry with him talking to Rose about their previous conversation.

"Why are you suddenly upset?"

"Because he might be mad of course!"

"How so?"

"Because he wouldn't have liked me sharing with you."

"Haha! He doesn't like me knowing anything," Rose giggles again. "Do not worry Karkat. I will keep you a secret source."

"Ok, um... don't tell anyone else? About this? Please?" He was nervous again.

"I will attempt to refrain from sharing all of this wonderful insight into Dave's mind and your relationship with anyone else."

"Relationship...?" He freezes again. "What do you make of it...?" He swallows.

"I think that...whatever it is..." Rose's smile is sincere, "It will be good for both of you, and I would not dream of disrupting it."

He knows that isn't a real answer, but he presses no further. He gives her a nod. "Make sure he gets some sleep, I don't want to find him drained out on his bed because he didn't rest when he was supposed to."

"I will carry your sentiments to him," Rose waves and exits the room. "Oh, but...!" She pops her head back in.

Karkat blinks at her.

"I feel as though it was a good thing that you went through the moult first." She smiles at Karkat's confused face. "Now the others aren't as afraid of their own change because they have seen how fearlessly you went through it."

And she is gone.


	20. Chapter 19

BE ROSE AND PEEP ON YOUR INJURED ECTO-BROTHER ====

Dave is asleep when Rose tentatively enters the room. She floats over with her god tier powers to avoid making too much noise and risk waking him.

She sets herself down on the floor next to the bed and judges his injuries for herself.

Dave is almost sprawled under the covers. Despite the slight chill of the room, his body is used to both the blinding heat of Texas and LOHAC, so the cold doesn't bother him in the slightest.

Rose examines the bandages at his forearm where Gamzee's bite was, and the stitches, as well as she can without waking him. She admires the beautiful z-pattern stitches Kanaya chose to close Dave's wound up with.

She checks the bandage on Dave's forehead and notes how close Dave was to a concussion. She files this information away for a later 'hard-headed' joke at his expense.

Lastly she looks at the spreading bruise across his lower right ribcage. Definitely one rib broken, perhaps a slight fracture on a second.

From what she remembers from Dave's account of his strifes with his older brother, this is nothing beyond the norm for him. Rose expects a speedy recovery, though...the bite wound...

A slight purpley tinge that is not quite a bruise surrounds the wound, and Rose is not quite sure what that means. She will have to investigate.

Rose sighs in relief, still.

Dave is okay.

She brushes back the bangs from his forehead in a way she even notes as being motherly, and he moves just slightly in his sleep.

Rose is completely sure of what happened between Dave and Karkat, and has for a long time expected this to happen. You didn't need to be a Seer to see the commonalities between the two.

Rose sighs and heads toward the door, intending to come back later, but then Dave's tired voice sounds from behind her, "Leaving so soon, sister?"

Rose turned, "Oh you were awake then?"

Dave sighs and turns his head to look at her. "Yeah, hard not to be with you prodding my bod while I was laying here... Like jeez Rose don't you have any manners? Keep those incestuous thoughts in your wizard fic."

Rose smiles, "Glad to see that your sense of humor wasn't injured."

"Nobody can temper my sense of swag..."

"Did you eve manage to catch a glimpse of your attacker, ma'am?" Rose comes back over and this time sits at the edge of the bed.

Dave throws his uninjured arm over his eyes (or in this case, shades). "I did indeed! I was ambushed in the alley by none other than IT."

"IT?"

"The evil clown guy from the movie of the same name," Dave explains.

"Oh. Did you manage to injure him in return?"

"I don't know, this massive lump on my forehead makes it hard to think."

"You're quite hard-headed, Strider. You went up against the notorious clown murderer and came out alive."

"What can I say? I'm a god."

"Mhm."

"But seriously though, motherfucker trapped me in the hallway and was trying to troll-court me into his hate quadrant," Dave grumbles.

Rose's hands twine together in her lap. "That's interesting..."

"Why?"

"Because...Gamzee already has a kismesis."

Dave moves his arm and stares at her through his shades. "What?"

"He and Terezi are already interlocked in that particular quadrant," Rose hums.

"NO way."

"At the risk of sounding 'too cool for school', as you might say, 'yes way'."

"Rose now is not the time for irony," Dave argues. "Since when?"

"I cannot say for sure when it began."

"Dude. TZ and that clown? You've gotta be pulling the smuppet felt over my eyes."

"I would not pull any smuppet fabric anywhere."

"But Gamzee's been missing for like ever."

"Apparently Terezi found him."

Dave is dumbfounded for a minute before he admits, "That makes a lot of sense now that I think about it... She was acting really weird today when Kanaya told her that Gamzee tried to black-court me."

Rose almost laughs at his pathetic basketball pun. "Most likely because she's in Gamzee's black quadrant," Rose acknowledges.

"I can't believe it," Dave sighs, putting his head in his hands, wincing at the movement of his left arm.

"Yes it seems strange but we are human after all, the quadrant system is difficult for us to understand."

"No kidding."

"Speaking of which," Rose begins quickly, "Which quadrant have you and Karkat settled into?"

Dave's jaw tenses. His eyes close behind his shades. "How...?" he asks incredulously.

Rose pats his leg beneath the sheet and grins. "Dave. I know everything. Get used to it."

Dave's fingers slip under his shades and he rubs at his eyes. "God dammit, I don't know. I don't get the quadrant thing. I have no fucking clue."

"That's what I thought," she nods.

"It just happened, like all of a sudden, and I don't know what to think about it. There's just too many trolls all up in my grill right now and I'm freaking out. In the chillest way."

Rose pats his leg again. "I am here offering a feelings jam if you need it."

"I really wish I didn't."

Rose waits.

After a minute, Dave clears his throat and says, "We're just a lot alike, okay?"

"I know."

"No you don't know. I didn't even know."

"But Dave I kn-"

"You _don't_ know everything."

Rose smiles.

Dave grimaces. "Have you already coerced _him_ into a feelings jam? You're way too confident right now. Oh fuck that would totally explain where you got all your information. You're not a Seer you're a fucking snoop, dawg."

Rose's smile widens.

"I hope you didn't hurt his poor little troll brain with your psychotic psychology bullshit."

"I held myself back as much as I could," Rose performs the girlscouts' _scout's honor_ pose.

Dave grumbles.

"Actually he was most forthcoming with his feelings, Dave. Something you and he actually do NOT have in common."

"Yeah he's...way more open about everything than I am, I guess."

"You _could_ be more open."

"..."

"I can tell you want to be. I have known that since I met you Dave, and it isn't just me who knows this."

"God dammit no way. No way John and Jade kn- wait Jade is almost on par with you with all the knowing shit she isn't supposed to..."

"Exactly."

"But John-"

"John knows a lot more than you think he does. But still not as much..." Rose laughs.

"At least he still has my back unlike you snarky broads."

"Please, what would you do without us?"

"I'd be a lot cooler, for sure."

"For sure."

Dave stares Rose down for a few more moments before admitting, "'I'm glad to have you all."

Rose's smile is so blinding there must be some Seer of Light magic going on there. "We love you too, Dave."

Dave rolls his eyes, "But I'm allowed to have SOME privacy, okay?"

"I understand."

"...Karkat is...really great," he mumbles after a while. "To...hang out with...'n stuff..."

Rose just continues to smile at him.

"I like...fighting with him."

(:

"He's...pretty smart."

(:

"...He's got a cute face...'specially when he's mad."

Rose could not be fucking happier.

Dave's mouth is barely even moving as he continues to admit to everything, "I kissed him."

Rose's face is going to split in two.

"He's got the chest of a shota princess from one of Bro's animes."

She almost cracks up at this.

"I don't know what quadrant he thinks we're in but as long as stuff can continue like this I'm...happy with it," Dave finishes.


	21. Chapter 20 Part 1

Rose keeps smiling silently for a minute before holding her hand out, palm up, and announcing, "Thank you for sharing Dave, that'll be fifty dollars to wrap up our session."

"OK FUCK YOU," Dave kicks her off the bed.

Rose floats herself to avoid hitting the floor and giggles madly.

"I open my fucking heart over here for you and you make fun of me wow-" he pauses, "That's exactly what I expected from you."

Rose rolls in midair and keeps laughing at her own joke.

"That joke was a massive shit smear on your psychology degree, Rose."

Rose doesn't give even the lowest possible amount of fucks.

When she's finally done laughing, she lowers herself next to Dave and envelops him in the circle of her arms.

Dave pretends not to enjoy the hug.

"Dave you should tell Karkat all of these things you have just imparted to me."

"...Yeah."

"I'm sure he would be positively giddy to hear them."

"...Yeah.."

"Do you need me to bring you anything?"

"...Nah I'm good."

"I will bring you a space heater and some coffee."

"...Thanks."

"Get some rest, Dave, otherwise your troll boyfriend will skin me alive," Rose giggles.

"He's not my BOYFRIE- GET OUT!" Dave struggles again and throws her off.

Rose laughs all the way out the door as he yells, "IT'S YOUR FAULT I WASN'T SLEEPING!"

Rose closes his door against the noise, content with her good deeds for the day.

She knocks gently on Karkat's wall before popping her head in, "He's going to sleep now."

Karkat is fast asleep in the pile.

She smiles again.

And leaves to inform Kanaya happily about the now shattered interspecies makeouts rule!


	22. Chapter 20 Part 2

Karkat blinked his eyes open, pushing his head out of the pile and looking around like he was trying to figure out if it was a dream or not. Seemed real enough.

He sighed and smiled just the slightest before standing and shrugging off the garments as he passed off into the hallway, starting towards Dave's door, but stopping before he could knock or go in.

Dave might still be asleep, he thought, best leave him be so he could rest as much as possible, but Karkat planned on helping, trying to see if it was an apology for not keeping Gamzee under check or just because he cares that Dave is injured. It's probably both.

He passed right by Dave's door and continued walking through the transportulizer till he flashed into the library, frowning upon seeing Kanaya and Rose sitting together off to the side as he stepped off the metal circle and onto the proper floor.

They both look up in unison. He held their gaze for a few seconds before looking away from them and passing on to grab some food to give to Dave.

"Hungry, Karkat?" Kanaya asks.

"Why do you ask?" He replies, not really answering as he searched about for something he could take back or for food he could possibly prepare and make.

"No reason other than to attempt to define your eating habits now that you have reached adulthood," she says.

"For science," Rose agrees.

"Yeah, well, the transformation takes a fair bit out of you and it makes you hungry enough to eat a hoofbeast. That good enough of an answer or should I tell you the intricate details of my moulting instead, the sharp pains and the dizziness and the bodily change, not to mention the skin peeling and itching like fuck, that was the best part!" He scoffs and grabs out what he thought looked like what could only resemble some kind of human vegetable medley.

Rose writes down everything he just said.

Karkat takes no notice.

"So you _don't_ feel the desire to eat any of us," Kanaya notes gratefully.

"No, you're too big." He says, slightly playful.

"Ah, so something like grubs would satisfy you?"

"Look, if I didn't have this-" He lifts up a small container of raw meat that they had alchemized "-then I might consider it, but look, it is here, so I can eat that instead of even trying to eat you two broads to get you to stop asking me questions." He huffs and tosses the container next to the human greens and scanning about for more food.

Rose turned to Kanaya, "Karkat has never referred to females as broads before, has he?"

Kanaya shakes her head, "I must say I have never read or heard him use that word before this moment."

"But Dave uses that term quite often."

"Indeed he does."

Karkat grumbles in annoyance.

Both girls turn to look at him and hum loudly. "HMMMMMMMMMMM."

"Interesting," Rose says.

"Quite," Kanaya agrees.

Karkat tries to ignore them both and sets about to cooking the meat on the appliance that he had found was still working, amazingly.

"Karkat, ah, I had a very fulfilling conversation with my brother yesterday," Rose coughs.

He freezes slightly before continuing to move once again. "Go on..."

Kanaya grins.

"He imparted to me information that I think you would find...most _invigorating_."

He slowed his movements, showing some signs that he was listening to her speaking.

"I wonder if I should tell _you_ what he told _me_," she muses.

"Why aren't I allowed to know? Was it not about me?" He retorted.

"Oh it has nothing to do with that!" Rose settles her hand on Kanaya's knee. "I just wonder if the information is something he would rather impart to you himself..."

"Am I missing anything? You are both acting... even more like yourself than you usually are..."

Kanaya giggles, covering her mouth with one hand.

"It's nothing, Karkat. Kanaya and I just enjoy watching good relationships being formed between members of our world-saving team, is all. Are you going to take something to Dave for him to eat, or shall I?" she adds.

"What do you think I'm doing, smartass?" He replied, his voice like she had accused him of something, or rather, of not doing something he should be doing.

Rose giggles too and covers her mouth in an identical fashion.

Kanaya points out, "She assumed you were only cooking for yourself."

"Oh fuck you, I'm not blood-pusherless." He retorts.

"Oh believe me Karkat, I am fully aware of how much heart you possess," Rose puts her hand down.

He stays quiet and pushes the cooking meat about like it was the most interesting thing in the world for the time being.

Kanaya can't hold it in anymore. She hasn't had much practice being passive agressive. "Karkat, you and Dave _kissed_? Is this true?"

Rose sighs and pats her knee again.

Karkat freezes again, holding still for a second before frowning and dropping, nearly slamming, the handle of the spoon in his hand onto a bench near him as he turned, leaning back with his arms folded as he glared at the two sceptically. "Where's this coming from?" He says lowly.

Kanaya frowns in confusion and turns to Rose, "But you told me they-"

Rose smiles and paps her hand over Kanaya's mouth.

He watches them curiously. "Tell me what you know so far."

"I can not give away all of my knowledge," Rose says, keeping her hand over Kanaya's lips.

"Where did you get it from then?"

"I cannot reveal my sources."

"Then how am I to believe you or deem you trustworthy if you are not trusting me to with hold such information as of whom you got your own information from." He frowned, eyeing Rose with a frown. How the fuck did she find out?!

She raises an eyebrow. How the fuck could she NOT find out? "I think you need to talk to Dave," she says.

Kanaya removes Rose's hand from her face, "And if you need an auspice I am available!"

Karkat scowled, ignoring Kanaya's offer as politely as he could manage. "You got it from Dave didn't you?" He guessed.

Rose puts her freed hand over her own mouth, though it is obvious her eyes are smiling.

He grumbles and throws his head back before turning back to the food before it could burn.

Kanaya is still confused, "So you two kissed?"

He tensed a bit more, irritated, but he remained silent, not admitting or denying.

Kanaya repeats the question louder, assuming he did not hear her.

Karkat grumbles before huffing and tossing his head back again. "Fuck! Fine! I did! There! Happy now?!" He grumbles curses under his breath and continues to cook as viciously as he can manage it.

Kanaya claps her hands over her cheeks, "Oh Karkat, I am so happy for you."

"Keep it to yourself." He says sharply, clearly bothered.

"Who else could we be interested in telling?" Rose smirks.

"_Don't you dare fucking tell anyone!_" he spits out, turning his head over his shoulder to send the two girls a glare before he turns off the appliance and scoops the food into a container to carry it in.

"On my honor," Rose swears.

Kanaya nods as well, "Give Dave my sympathies for his pain and let him know I will be visiting to change his bandages soon!"

"Yes, yes." He says quickly, eager to leave before they could squeeze any more information from him. "I'll let him know." Karkat pushed a few buttons on the coffee machine, it beeped at him a few times and he frowned, smacking a fist at it till it opened and gave him two coffee mugs filled with the brown liquid Sollux had managed to make before he captchalogued them both.

"Karkat's bringing him coffee too," Kanaya whispers loudly to Rose, who laughs.

Karkat frowns and sends the two a glare before grabbing the container of the cooked meat and the mysterious salad and starting to walk off to the transportulizer.

"I bet matespritship," Kanaya mumbles just before he's zapped away.


	23. Chapter 21

Karkat stops on the otherside, thinking about what Rose and Kanaya might be asking him, no, interrogating him about next before he straightened himself up and set off.

He runs into Terezi in the hallway, who is just dropping down from an open vent on the wall. She lands steadily and takes out her cane.

He blinks in mild surprise, but manages to not drop the food in his hands at seeing her entrance.

Terezi looks up in shock when she smells him coming. She gathers her wits quickly as usual, "Why Karkles fancy meeting you here."

Karkat nods and regains himself. "I could say the same as well as being surprised by your method of entry..."

She cackles, "I'm sure you were. However I could not smell the surprise on your face... So I'm merely guessing..."

"Well I will inform you that you did indeed surprise me." He says even as he tries to think of a way to escape this conversation.

Terezi sniffs the air again. "Is that food?"

"Yes." He states plainly. "I'm taking it to Dave since he is unable to get it himself."

"Oh yes. How sweet of you, Karkles," she grins like a piranha.

He pulls his lips into his mouth momentarily before letting them back out to speak. "Any body else would do it for him." He tries to make it seem like Krkat isn't doing it just because he is Karkat but because it is the natural or normal thing that nearly anyone else would do.

"I haven't gotten to hang out with my favorite coolkid in a while," Terezi straightens the neck of her shirt. "If you're just bringing him something to eat because you have to, I'm more than willing to take over!"

"No no!" He says, almost too quickly. "I can handle things myself, I'm not a wriggler!"

"Obviously not," Terezi snickers. "But why not let me do it? I miss Dave."

"Because it is a sort of apology and I have a... 'bone to pick' with him as i think humans say."

"You're going to pick Dave with a bone?" Terezi is confused.

"Uh... I think it means I have to talk to him about something he did which pissed me off. At least that is what I got from the saying."

"Humans are strange... What did he do that made you angry?" Terezi snickers again, "Besides everything."

"Talked to Rose." He states plainly, not going into too much detail.

"Dave talked to Rose and it made you angry..."

"Yes."

"Karkat."

"Yes?"

"You are really silly."

"Why?"

Terezi just laughs and passes by him with a pat to the shoulder. Thank the ancestors he didn't see the purple bite hickey on her neck...

He looks after her leaving form for a few more seconds before shaking his head and walking along to Dave's new room.

Dave is still restlessly sleeping. The wound on his forearm has tinged even darker purple.

Karkat slows his pace upon arriving at Dave's door and shifts the containers into one arm as he raps on the door softly, but just loud enough for Dave to hear. "Dave? You awake?"

Dave's eyes open into small slits. In the time he has been asleep, Rose had moved a space heater into the corner of the room, so it is considerably warmer than it had been before. He recognizes Karkat's voice and grumbles, "Yea..."

He takes that as his cue and opens the door just to let him take a step in and look at Dave lying on his bed. "Can I come in?" He asks, standing in the doorframe with the food in his arms still.

Dave does nothing more but raise a fucking eyebrow.

Karkat frowns but moves in anyway, letting the door shut of it's own accord as he stepped over to Dave. "I thought you would be hungry so I got you some food." He stated, nearing his bed and shifting the two containers onto it, one of the cooked meat and the other the mysterious salad.

"What a sweet little housewife you are," Dave grunts in pain when he tries to sit up.

Karkat softens a bit. "You know Rose came and talked to me right?" He asked, but it was half stated really.

Dave laughs, "Oh yeah?" He finally pulls himself to a comfortable seated position and reaches for the alien containers. He isn't wearing his sunglasses since he would just crush them accidentally in his sleep.

Karkat nods, pushing the food towards Dave but then he frowns harder and whacks Dave's unharmed leg. "And I _know_ that Rose talked to you, she talked to Kanaya about it too, you ass!" He didn't really mean it, he was just a bit pissed is all.

Dave smirks sleepily. "You didn't think she would come interrogate me? C'mon Vantas, use your brain."

"And you just willingly tell her everything? At least I avoided most of it when I talked to her." He scoffed.

Dave looks up from violently shoving random food in his mouth to blink in confusion at Karkat. "Are you actually mad?"

He shrugs. "Not really, But sort of? I am mad at you because you made me embarrassed from having to face those two psycho-analyzing girls who basically tried to get into my mind non-stop while I made you that food, so being grateful would be highly appreciated right now." He isn't really being mean to Dave.

Dave knows. He smiles again. "You're a fucking hero."

He rolls his eyes and pulls the two coffees out of his sylladex and holds one out to Dave. "Now what am I?" He says, teasing.

"_My_ fucking hero," Dave takes it gratefully and chugs it down. He breathes a grateful sigh afterward and asks, "So did they break you?"

"Bluh, questions, questions and more fucking questions even while I was clearly busy till they literally forced me into admitting things to them." He huffed irritably. He sips slowly on his own coffee, holding it with both hands as he sits on the edge of hte bed.

"What did they get out of you?"

"That I kissed you basically, but they seemed to just be getting more evidence since you so plainly told Rose all about it." He whacked Dave's leg again, less hard than last time at least before he returned his focus on his drink, slightly turned to face Dave.

Dave grins, "Sorry dude."

"Hope you're fucking proud, asshat." He drinks again and glances about the room before back at Dave with a worrying look as his gaze looks over his beaten body. "Your wounds healing fast enough for you? Being God Tier must help a bit at least, right?" He blinked curiously and held the mug in his lap to talk for a while at least.

"Yeah, my ribs already hurt less and my head doesn't hurt anymore. But this," he gestures to his arm, "I don't even fucking know. Are trolls venomous or something?"

Karkat blinks in confusion and shifts closer to look at his dark tinted arm with the wound on it. "Not that I know of..." He says slowly, moving his arms to hold his arm before looking to Dave for permission.

Dave holds his arm out for Karkat's inspection. "I mean not that this purple splotch isn't massively attractive, but..."

He cautiously takes it and moves to uncover the bite mark carefully to inspect it closel. "Of course, being attractive is all you care about isn't it?" He teases, even as his face remains serious and concentrated at looking at the bite wound.

"It helps my self-esteem to know I'm good looking, yes," Dave snickers. The bite has been closed with Kanaya's careful stitches but the wound isn't healing as quickly as it should and is tinged dark purple.

"Mhm..." Karkat mumbles in reply to Dave as he rotates the arm about, looking at it. "Do human wounds usually go purple like this or..." He trails off and looks at the stitches carefully, wondering why they weren't working properly at healing the wound.

"Not unless it's a bruise, but then there would be yellow and green in it too. This is just purple."

"Purple..." He repeats... "Maybe Gamzee got something into you... I'm not sure, but I think his blood is just about the same colour as the marking about your wound is... I'm not sure what is happening to it though, to be honest, which I am." He blinks in mild confusion and releases Dave's arm, retaking his coffee, which he had placed between his knees so it didn't fall over, and taking a sip, still looking at Dave with worry.

Dave shrugs and finishes eating out of the first container, "As long as it doesn't prevent me from fighting, I don't care if my skin is dyed purple."

"I'm more worried about what's under the skin than on it." He says quietly, lips muffed by his drink which he followed to take a sip of.

"That sounded so unironically romantic despite being clinical." Dave reaches for the second container and glares at its contents. "What the fuck is this."

"The truth? No idea..." He states. "I just grabbed whatever looked the slightest bit edible and ran for my fucking life before my thinkpan could melt from the sound of the two insufferables trying to get into my head..."

"Kanaya's on Rose's passive aggressive psych team now..." Dave tentatively tries the...vegetable mush...looking...thing. After a second he shrugs. "Okay it's not that bad."

"Not that bad or not that bad for what it looks like? And no I am not going to be offended in the slightest. I didn't make the shit."

"I'm not worried about offending you. Please, Vantas. After all we've been through," Dave rolls his eyes.

He gives Dave a small smile and nods anyways. "Yes, yes." He gives a satisfied 'humph' noise and finishes off the cup, replacing the empty mug in his sylladex along with Dave's empty one and the container that once contained the meat-like-food before Dave devoured it.

"I'm not hungry anymore anyways," Dave shoves the still mostly full other container back to him.

"That's fine." He says and takes a small mouthful of the food to satisfy his hunger for a while at least before he captchalogued it. "Just tell me if something interesting happens with your bite, ok?" He says, turning to face Dave properly, sincerely worried.

"Yeah I'll be sure to set up a memo about it as soon as any weirder shit goes down. Highly Dangerous Grape Explosion, Execute Reaction Plan Alpha. Aka get Kanaya to cut my arm off."

Karkat raises an eyebrow at him. "Let's hope it doesn't has to come to that. By the way, did Rose talk to you about anything else?" He blinked curiously at him.

"Yeah she forced me into a feelings jam," Dave groaned.

"Oh? About what then?" he asked.

"She forced me to tell her I'm secretly a carebear just like you, and that I unironically love all my friends to death."

"Can you tell me something I don't know already?" he half laughed.

"Okay, well. I spilled my guts to her about you and how this," Dave motions back and forth between them, "happened.

He nods. "I just told her of the actions up till about the time I mentioned I took your shades off. And she was really surprised you actually let your guard down long enough to allow me the chance to do that."

Dave's entire face goes slack.

His left eye twitches.

"Yo- You /what/?" his voice is low, but there's a distinct undertone of anger underneath it.

Karkat looks at Dave in a bit of shock at the hint of anger under his voice. "Was it bad I also said that you took off your glasses purposely afterwards?" He raises his eyebrow cautiously, clearly anxious about the fact Dave was angry at him.

"You fucking told Rose about-" Dave clenches his fists and growls, shutting his eyes violently. "Dude that was fucking confidential shit."

"And you expect me to hold that in against the powers of _Rose_? The _Seer_ and the girl that practically made a career out of picking apart people's thinkpans?!" He says slightly flabbergasted.

"I have for _years_!"

"And I haven't! What chance does that give me?!"

"At least tell me you didn't. Fucking. Tell her. About my _eyes_."

Karkat went silent and looked away.

"GOD DAMMIT KARKAT!" Dave explodes and sits up to push Karkat off the bed.

He lets himself slip off and goes to standing straight away, not even looking at Dave as he reflects on how stupid he was to tell Rose all of that.

"I can't fucking believe this," Dave swings his legs over the side of the bed and gets up. He clenches his fists at his sides and glares violently at Karkat, "I FUCKING TOLD YOU ONE OF THE MOST PERSONAL THINGS ABOUT ME AND YOU WENT AND TOLD THE FIRST PERSON TO COME AROUND?"

Karkat remains quiet and stands perfectly still, unable to meet Dave's eyes.

"You MOTHERfucker," Dave bares his teeth and takes a few steps forward, "Get the fuck out of my quadr- ROOM. Get the fuck out and go learn how to fucking keep a _motherfucking_ secret!"

Karkat blinks in mild surprise. Dave doesn't usually act this way, and then he is worried. He looks back to Dave and takes a small step forward, glancing at his arm curiously then back at his face in confusion.

"Don't fucking-" Dave shudders and cracks his neck, fists unclenching.

His eyelids droop.

Karkat watches in amazement and curiosity though inside he is screaming with worry and confusion about what the hell was going on. "Dave?"

Dave takes a long breath and steps back, collapsing backward onto his bed. "Wow. Okay..." He struggles against the sudden relaxing effect surging through his bloodstream. A second ago he wanted to rip Karkat's face off.

Karkat's eyes widen and he steps forward hurriedly in case something bad happened. He hops onto his knees on the bed and looks at Dave. "Dave, what is going on?" He asked calmly.

"Dunno...feel motherfucking sleepy is...what's going on..." he slurs.

"... mother... fucking... sleepy...?" Karkat repeats like he can't believe what is happening.

"Yeah I just..." Dave grins, "C'mere Karkat." He reaches over and envelops the troll in a hug.

Karkat freezes up in surprise. "Dave, come on now. If this is a joke you had better stop now..."

Dave pets Karkat's hair and holds him, "Nah I aint jokin motherfucker."

Karkat's eyes widen and he shifts back from Dave slowly. "Dave, let me contact Kanaya about this, ok? She will help you with... your bandages. That's it." He makes a fake smile to him.

"Nah no I need to be all up and holding onto you right now," Dave tightens his arms around Karkat's shoulders, ignoring the twinge of pain in his side.

"Ok, yeah, no." Karkat decides as he feels Dave flinch at the pain. He presses his hands between Dave and his body, slowly prying himself away from the human as softly as he could manage. "I will just message her over Trollian, I won't leave, ok?" He said calmly, though he clearly wasn't calm.

"Ok..." Dave mumbles, reluctantly letting go.

When Karkat is able to back far enough away, he can see that Dave's eyes aren't completely red anymore. There's purple ringing his pupil of the same color as the bite wound. He blinks at them, eyes widening a fraction more before he fumbles a bit and drags out his husktop from his sylladex, sending Kanaya an urgent message as he did so; 'KANAYA, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER TO DAVES ROOM THIS INSTANT! I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE DUDES HEAD! HE WAS LITERALLY TRYING TO RIP MY FACE OFF AND THEN… HE ACTED LIKE HE WAS HIGH ON SOPOR THE VERY NEXT! SOMETHING IS MESSED UP WITH HIS EYES! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!' He closed his husktop before Kanaya could reply and he checked at his arm wound again. "Is it hurting right now?" He questioned with worry and confusion once again.

"Nothing hurts and everything is beautiful," Dave smiles.

He blinks again before frowning and grabbing Dave's shades and putting them on his face before Kanaya could arrive.

Kanaya answers the ping of her laptop, which had previously laid dormant on one of the tables, and when she sees Karkat's message, immediately springs into action. Rose follows after her but when she runs into Terezi she comes along as well. Kanaya practically smashes through the door, ending up leaning over panting from the speed at which she ran. "What...is wrong...Karkat?"

He turns to Kanaya with his eyes wide clearly saying 'Help me here!' as he gestured to all of Dave. "This!"

"What is wrong with Dave?" she asks, straightening up. "You mentioned he was acting strangely..."

Dave just smiled blearily.

"Dave, what do you think of life?"

"It's a fucking miracle is what it is..."

Kanaya blinks. "Oh, I see." She strides forward just as Terezi and Rose get stuck going through the door at the same time.

"It gets much worse. Let me see if I can make him angry..."

Kanaya motions for the two Seers to stay back.

Karkat sits back up. "Guys, block your ears for a moment please."

Rose and Terezi and Kanaya do so, with obvious confusion.

He nods, satisfied and turns to Dave. "I also told Rose you had freckles." He says.

Dave's eyebrows twitch inward. "Wh-" His voice leaps to a harsher pitch.

"And that your eyes were sensitive to light."

"She probably has told everyone about it by now."

He snarls and his eyes pulse purple.

"And that you keep others away to hide your real self..." He swallows.

With an angry yell, Dave is suddenly throwing himself over Karkat, wrapping his fingers around his neck and choking him.

"Fuuuu-akjfkasfka," he tumbles back in surprise.

Kanaya and the others quickly move their hands away from their audio sponges to jump forward and try to pull Dave back.

"You MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Dave! Da-gh! Dave!" Karkat strangles out and grabs at Dave's wrists, trying to pry them from his neck.

"I TOLD YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D FUCKING TELL ANYONE!"

Kanaya and Terezi manage to pry Dave's hands away from Karkat's throat while Rose hooks her arms around Dave's shoulders and yanks him back. They all fall into a pile on the floor, all sustaining minor injuries from Dave's violent flailing.

Karkat rubs his hands at his throat and gasps for air painfully, staring at Dave in fear, fear because he didn't want Dave to get hurt for something that clearly wasn't his fault.

Kanaya and Rose hold his arms down with difficulty until Terezi unwinds a length of hanging rope from her sylladex and uses it to tie his arms behind his back so that he would stop hitting them. Then Terezi stands back up and sighs, "What the fuck did you say to him, Karkat?"

Karkat sits up and winces in sympathetic pain. "Just what I told Rose and said that she told everyone, but I know she didn't, she isn't like that, but Dave is clearly not himself if he believes Rose went around and told everyone what he told me and I told her."

Terezi still looks confused, but leaves it to Kanaya to ask, "What caused this volatile change in Dave's behavior?"

Dave, by the way, continues to struggle and mutter expletives.

"I... am not entirely sure on that part, but I think I triggered it of sorts by telling him what I told Rose, which he basically shouted at me before... sort of falling onto the bed and acting like he was high on sopor..." He glances back at Dave worriedly.

"Sopor?" Rose asks. "But you don't have any."

"Exactly..." His brow furrows even more. He cautiously makes his way over to Dave and sits down before him.

Rose leans down to pull Dave's sunglasses down and look at Dave's eyes, even as he shouts at her to 'mother the fuck off'. "There's purple on the outside of his pupils... I hate to suggest this, but...his manners of speaking at the moment sound quiet like those of...the clown's."

Karkat freezes for a moment before nodding slowly and looking at Dave warily before giving a pap to his cheek, seeing if that would help him in any way to calm him down.

Kanaya frowns and walks around him to see the wound. "His skin is purple here too."

Dave does calm down at the pap, dropping his head down and smiling loosely again.

"Does your species have a venomous bite?" Rose asks.

"No," Terezi shakes her head.

Karkat shakes his head. "Not that I know of..."

Kanaya also disagrees, "Our culture is too much founded on fighting for such a deadly weapon."

"Yeah trolls would have gone extinct much earlier if that was true," Terezi shrugs.

Karkat pauses, blinks, then lifts his head cautiously, resting his hand calmly on Dave's knee. "Do you guys remember Gamzee had those _magical_ potions of troll blood?" He questions slowly.

"Oh, yes...when he was hoarding the rest of our friends' bodies..." Kanaya grimaces.

"What about them?" Terezi sits down on the bed.

He nods slowly. "What if the blood got into Dave's bloodstream?"

"You don't actually believe those hanky 'potions'," Terezi cackles and makes finger quotes, "Were actually magic, do you?"

Rose raises her eyebrows, "I for one, do believe in magic..."

"Maybe not magic, but maybe an infectious kind of thing? In humans at least." Karkat suggests.

"If this is true, and having Gamzee's blood in his system causes Dave to be influenced by his personality, it should not be permanent," Rose announces.

"Oh?" Kanaya blinks.

"Our blood is replenished every day, our bodies are constantly producing newer cleaner blood. So soon Gamzee's influence will be flushed from Dave's bloodstream," Rose finishes.

Karkat sighs in relief, patting at Dave's leg absently. He lifts his head to Rose. "You didn't really tell anyone, did you?" He questioned, he had to make sure.

Rose shakes her head. "I would not."

Dave leans forward to place his head on Karkat's shoulder.

"Can I ask you a big favor then? With the help of Terezi?" He leans into Dave slightly.

Terezi looks into their direction. Rose nods, "Of course."

"Can you forget it? What I told you he told me and what I saw and noticed. Just the info he has kept hidden from you most of his life. Or is that too much to ask? I just feel as if it was a mistake to have done that is all. And considering Terezi's aspect was Mind I thought she could help with that..."

Rose blinks and sighs. "I will try to find a way to make that happen if it is for the best. Terezi?" She turns to face the blind girl, though she cannot see this.

Terezi hums, "I'll see what I can do. I can look some stuff up and see if its possible."

Karkat nods and closes his eyes, giving a small sigh. "I just don't really like him pissed, not like that. Seeing him like that just, freaked me out because it wasn't him. It is only fun when it's him, not when he is possessed or anything like he is now. That just makes it seem like he is a different person..." He frowns and huffs, looking at Dave who still had his head buried in his shoulder.

Dave stirs again, "Why are my arms all up and tied..."

Kanaya sighs, "Do you want to just keep watch over him, Karkat?"

"I think I can calm him down if he gets mad again. Which I doubt he will." He gives a small smile to them, but it is a bit forced.

"We will not be far if you need us," Kanaya informs him.

"Terezi and I will try to do what you have asked of us," Rose says.

He nods again. "Thank you."

Rose smiles at him and she, Kanaya, and Terezi finally go, Terezi making kissy faces out the door.

He scowls at her as she leaves. "I am scowling at you, just so you know!" He calls after the cackling troll.

Dave giggles into Karkat's shoulder. "Help me out, bro help me get all into the know on what's going down right now..."

"You are going to go and get as much rest as you can in your bed right now." He commands, moving to lift Dave from the floor, avoiding his wounds of course.

"NooooOOOOO I DON'T WANT TO." Dave snarls again.

Karkat quickly holds Dave into a hug. "Shooooooooosh..." He says softly.

Dave calms down again and grumbles quietly.

He slowly shuffles Dave along over to the bed, slow so as not to let Dave really notice it that much.

Dave doesn't wanna sleep. He wants like...a cuddle or something. Or to get high off his ass. Or drunk. Whichever. He just ate but he's suddenly craving something. Something bright and green that he knows will just melt his brain and will feel so good...

"You all haven't up and managed to make Faygo with those alchemizing magical machines yet have you...?" he mumbles.

"No, not yet Dave..." He lowers him down to sitting on the bed with him, loosening his grip on the human slowly.

Dave grumbles again, "WhyyyyYyYyYyYy..."

"Because you are tired and hurt. Tell you what. When you are better I'll let you do whatever you want." He gives a small smile to him, this was the only way to get through to Gamzee when he was high, it should work on Dave at the very least.

"Alright but I'm gonna hold you to that motherfucker..." Dave keeps his arms wrapped around Karkat's shoulders. "I'm also gonna hold onto YOU."

"You have to rest first and get better though..." Karkat reminds him.

"I'm gonna, don't you motherfuckin worry..."

"Ok, I won't be worried when you are all better though..." he says enticingly.

"If it will all up and make you happy, bro, then I will lie down and get so much fuckin sleep you don't even _know_."

"I bet I don't." Karkat says agreeably. "Go sleep now." He presses a hand softly at his chest, pushing him back to relax on his bed.

Dave lays down but drags Karkat with him.

He blinks in surprise. "Dave..." He says softly, shifting to the side instead of on top of the human.

"HmMmMmMmMm?" Dave asks with that same weird lurching pitch to his voice as Gamee's. He closes his eyes obediently and curls up next to Karkat.

Karkat looks at Dave in mild shock, recognizing that pattern of voice easily, and it disturbs him. "Go to sleep, ok? No fooling around."

Dave falls asleep pretty easily, holding onto a motherfucker. (Bad reference. Kill me.) He sleeps for another entire day, arms locked like a vice around Karkat.


	24. Chapter 22

When Dave finally manages to flicker back to awakeness, the first thing he recognizes is holy shit I am not alone in my bed what the FUCK. He tenses every muscle in his body for an attack and opens his eyes. He's at first surprised by how dark everything is, but soon realizes he's wearing his shades. Weird, cause he normally doesn't wear them to bed... Next he recognizes Karkat, the person that he unwittingly latched onto. Dave relaxes and slowly moves his arms. "Hey."

Karkat blinks and turns to Dave, hesitating and looking at him cautiously, moving his hands to pull his shades down slightly to check on his eyes. The purple has faded a lot.

Dave blinks. "What?"

Karkat sighs loudly and nearly tackles Dave into a a hug. "Oh thank fuck! Please tell me you are back now..."

Dave catches Karkat in surprise. "Uhhhhh...what."

He pulls back with another sigh. "Ok, like, I think Gamzee's blood got into you somehow and made you sort of act like him, you sort of got mad at me and then sort of... doped out like you were high, and then hugged me even though just a minute before you were trying to rip my face off. Then I called Kanaya who brought Terezi and Rose, luckily I put your shades on before they could see your eyes since you had no sense of self awareness, at all. And then I got you angry again, to which you sort of tackled me or something and the girls had to pin you down and tie your arms behind your back with a rope till I got you to calm down. Just had to wait it out and you didn't exactly let go of me when you fell asleep..."

Dave's eyes have never been wider. "Um. Okay.."

"Do you... not remember any of that?" Karkat blinked at Dave.

"It's...fuzzy?" Dave's eyebrows meet. "Um but. Thank you for the recap. Sorry about that...really sorry about uh, trying to kill you..."

He nodded. "That's what Gamzee tried to do once, it was just a bit more of a shock when it was _you_ and not _him_ that tried it this time..."

"He's fucked up, dude."

"No shit."

"Can you untie me now?" Dave asks in a deadpan. "This kinky stuff needs to wait till after all those dates we talked about."

Karkat huffs and rolls his eyes, lifting his upper half up and untying the rope from about Dave's wrists. "Have you thought about those 'dates' yet then?" He asked calmly with a small smile as he captchulogued the rope to give back to Terezi later.

Dave stretches his arms. "Yeah."

"And...?" He presses

"I think we should just like," Dave curls his arms around Karkat again and bites his lip. "Maybe watch a movie. And make. A blanket fort."

"Don't think I've done that before..." Karkat muses aloud as he rested his arms over Dave's shoulders with a small smile. "Sounds like it could be fun."

"You never built a blanket fort? Wow you poor underprivileged troll. Your lusus didn't raise you right at all."

"I agree with that. All crabdad does is grumble about anything and everything." He gave a small laugh at that before settling down again and looking at Dave, moving to push his shades out of the way again.

Dave doesn't mind, he slips them up to rest at the top of his head. "Forts are literally the best thing I remember about my childhood."

"Then you had better show me them considering your life is meant to be _jam-packed_ with awesome things, this ought to be _spectacular_." He said sarcastically, but he was really looking forward to it as he held his gaze at Dave's eyes.

"You better believe it's gonna be spectacular. Dave Strider doesn't do anything half- ass. I only ever go whole-ass, on everything." What's spectacular is how Dave manages to hold his poker face after saying that.

Karkat raises an eyebrow at him questioningly. "I don't doubt that, but I am looking forward to it even though I hardly even know what it is." He smiled a bit wider.

"It's a difficult construction type to master. Not for the faint of heart."

"Ok, you should be doing all the construction then. No exceptions, not for the beautiful princess!" He snickered a bit.

"How feminist, making the princess build you a castle." Dave smirks.

"Definitely," Karkat returns, unaffected by his comment.

"What a shit partner you are, maybe I should just live in the castle on my own then."

"Sure, I could just go storming in and just sweep you off your feet and carry you away like the princess you are anyways. Oh wait, I already did that." He smirked.

Dave frowns, eyebrows dropping low. "It was a moment of weakness. The only way you'll get to do that again is if you beat me over the head with a juggalo pin."

"Not a weakness, a strength. Strength that you weren't afraid to be humiliated in front of me, by me. And there is no reason and no way that I would ever do that to you. You know that."

Dave is quiet. He just stares at Karkat.

Karkat leans in, pressing a kiss to Dave's lips with a smile and mumbling "Never gonna hurt you..." softly.

Dave holds Karkat's face between his hands and watches him with the utmost adoration in his eyes... "I..."

"I'm..." The look in his eyes vanishes and he pushes Karkat gently backwards and off of him, "I'm still mad at you for telling Rose about my eyes."

Karkat rolls his eyes but sticks close. "Do you remember anything of what I asked Rose and Terezi to do? Or not?"

"Yeah you want Rose's brainpan cleaned out. That's still not really gonna make me feel better. The whole point of me opening up to you was that I trusted you to keep it on the down low, annoying ectosisters or not." Dave crosses his arms over his chest.

He frowned slightly. "You ever going to not be mad at me for that?"

"Maybe if you apologized. And tried to make it up to me." Dave almost smirks. Almost.

Karkat rolls his eyes and huffs. "Fine, if me literally asking Rose to erase her memories wasn't enough then here. I apologize that your ectosister was the one to get me into a feelings jam mood and make me spill nearly everything that you had trusted me with to keep a secret. Better?"

Dave rolls his eyes with twice as much enthusiasm. "Karkat, Rose _knowing_ isn't even where my beef is with you."

Karkat curls in on himself a bit and shrugs. "I don't know. I have just felt a bit insecure lately is all..." He looked away, disappointed in himself.

Dave sighs loudly and grabs Karkat up again. "Don't make that face."

He nods slowly but remains saddened still, feeling like he let Dave down.

"Dude stop. Stop feeling bad. Right now. I don't know how to deal with this," Dave squeezes him. I don't care about my eyes, okay? Doesn't matter."

Karkat gives a sigh and nods, smiling once again and hugging Dave tightly. "I just didn't think of how you would react. I was stupid but I won't do it again. I promise..."

"Okay, that's alright then," Dave pets Karkat's hair.

He relaxes and curls his head to Dave's chest for some form of comfort.

"Dammit I can't be mad at you, what the fuck did you do to me..." He chuckled lightly and squeezed him softly. "Fucking carebears." Dave nuzzles his head into Karkat's hair.

Karkat huffs but other wise ignores his comment, purring again and making his chest vibrate.

Dave makes a strangled choking noise when the vibrations tickle him. "What movie would you like to watch? Something human or something troll?"

"Don't care..." He mumbles, still practically clinging to Dave.

"Aren't a lot of your troll movies just human movies trollified?"

"Maybe it's the other way round, smart ass..." He says half-heartedly.

"Either way kudos to whatever race it is that copied them because that's like the best kind of fuck you ever."

Karkat chuckled lightly and let his eyes clsoed, having not been asleep for over twenty four hours by then. Dave pets his head and lets him fall asleep on his chest.


	25. Chapter 23

==== BE GAMZEE

Gamzee really needed his moirail right now. He's not good at dealing with situations like the one he's stuck in right now. He's way more about fight and flight than sit and talk about your feelings, but Karkat is good at the second one so... He can help Gamzee through this problem can't he?

Though he would much rather just gather everyone into a giant hug and relax, one other side of him would rather murder anyone who makes him uncomfortable and gives him feelings he can't understand.

Gamzee doesn't really remember what caused this switch in his thinkpan's workings, but he's not good at thinking too hard about it either.

Since the fight on the roof, and Karkat's first shooshpap, Gamzee has been hiding in the vents of the meteor, avoiding any kind of interaction with any of the other trolls, and the humans who arrived recently.

Terezi found him after a while, however, and attempted to force justice and punishments on him for his two murders. But she found that she could not kill Gamzee, despite how much she wanted to, and they fell into a dangerous sort of kismesistitude, where Gamzee could lean toward his more violent tendencies to hurt her while she fought back and injured him as much as possible.

But lately Gamzee has gotten tired of this back and forth.

She doesn't want Karkat to know about the kismestitude, so keeps all their activity secret in the vents, but Gamzee is tired of hiding. It's gotten stuffy and annoying hiding all the time.

Mostly in order to piss off Terezi, he went looking for Dave, who he had proposed kismestitude towards a long time ago. He drew back old memories of how furious he was when Dave purposefully antagonized his religion, and it was easy enough to start a fight.

Even if he wasn't the god tier Gamzee of this timeline, he is still the strongest troll out of all of them, and had nearly killed Dave without even trying.

Upsetting Karkat wasn't his goal, and niether was his stirrings of pity for the weak god tier'd human.

Gamzee was confused and irritated and he needed. His. _Moirail_.

He had long ago stored in the back of his mind the locations of all the trolls' chosen respiteblocks, and found Karkat's particular one without any problem.

Once he got there, Gamzee was shocked and disturbed to find that Karkat's door had been not only knocked down but nearly shattered into pieces inside his room.

He went inside, and discovered that Karkat was nowhere to be found inside.

Gamzee let out a snarl of fear for the safety of his pale buddy and left the room sniffing for his scent in the hall. He learned this sort of thing offhandedly from Terezi, since the vents were so dark and his night vision not THAT good.

Karkat was still close, he could sense it.

He took a dew more steps down the hall and stopped at another door. He could smell his moirail clear as day was behind this weak metal hunk.

With a loud and vicious HONK of promised retribution for whoever had harmed his moirail, Gamzee smashed through the door with his bare fists.

Karkat jolted awake, eyes flashing open in fear as he rolled over to face the door with wide eyes.

The first thing Gamzee saw beyond the red haze of HERO MODE, was Dave motherfucking Strider holding Karkat in his arms, and without a practical brain pulse to be had, Gamzee jumped into thoughtless, instinctual action.

He grabbed Karkat by the scruff of his neck and pulled him close to his own body, whilst also snatching Strider's neck and dragging him off the bed. Dave, who was awake and flipping his shit, grabbed onto the troll's wrist and tried to pry his fingers from around his throat frantically, to no avail. He squeaked, "What the fuck?"

Gamzee HONKED loudly again and tossed Dave into the wall. Dave slid down after letting out a choked cough of pain, to sit on his ass and grab at his side.

"Gamzee! Stop!" Karkat pushed about, trying to get free of the larger troll's arms and to go help Dave in any way possible, mainly to protect him.

Gamzee gathered Karkat further into himself and growled loudly.

Dave just groaned, "Not...ow, again..."

"Gamzee, stop it! Come on!" He tried to get away again. He tried to pry the arms off of him and to push off. Gamzee refrained from going anywhere near Dave, but refused to let Karkat go. He continued gnashing his pointy teeth and glaring daggers at the Strider.

"GAMZEE! STOP!" Karkat shouted, glaring angrily at the clown troll as he gripped onto his wrist that was holding about him tightly.

"RELAX LITTLE BROTHER THE DANGER HAS PASSED" "i saw your motherfucking door bashed in and came at once to help you"

"THERE IS NO DANGER! THE ONLY DANGER. HERE. IS. YOU!" Karkat spat out.

Dave rubbed at his side and rolled his eyes.

Gamzee moved his dark violet eyes to look at his struggling pale bro. "HUH"

"God dammit I gotta find another room again..." Dave mumbles.

"He was fucking helping me when no one else would!" Karkat said sternly, referring to Dave. "He literally forced his way into my room to help me when I was too ignorant to try to accept help!"

Gamzee narrows his eyes in disbelief and mild confusion.

"He was the one who helped me and opened up, not kept hidden and avoided everyone else!" He pushed at Gamzee's hands angrily.

Gamzee frowns spectacularly. "but karkat im your moirail"

"You WERE," Dave specifies.

Gamzee growls at him again, sparks practically flying from his eyes.

"_I_ am _your_ moirail." He nearly shouts. "_You_ aren't _mine_..." He says lowly, finally pushing free of Gamzee's arms and glaring at him as he stood between the clown and Dave.

Gamzee's lip corners fall further.

"You're the world's shittiest moirail, dude, all you do is cause problems for everyone," Dave grunts, pushing himself up via the wall.

Gamzee's nose twitches but he keeps his eyes on Karkat. "I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE EACH OTHERS" "i thought we were best friends"

"Well you should have thought about how I felt when you weren't there. _Especially_ when I _needed_ you!" He scowled. "Sometimes I wonder what goes through your thinkpan all the time. Do you just think about yourself? Not anyone else? Because that is what I am getting from the kind of behavior you are showing me constantly. You just come and go as you please! Never when I want you here! You come and go whenever you want, collecting what you need and leaving without paying me back! How do you _fucking_ think that makes _me_ feel?!"

Gamzee swallows visibly and looks down. "I DIDNT FUCKING KNOW YOU WERE MOULTING KARKAT"

"Because you are hardly ever here... What do you even do when you are in those vents? Do you play with the bodies you've killed? Do you think of all the fun times you had killing them?"

Gamzee's eyebrows smash together and he glances side to side before taking a step back, obviously uncomfortable with the subject matter. "i..no"

Karkat stares at Gamzee, mixed with fear of what he's saying and what he wants to say and anger at all that had happened. He eventually gives a small growl, glaring at his..._ex_-moirail. "Get out..." He says lowly, nearly threateningly.

Gamzee shakes his head slowly. "NO BROTHER WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SOME SHIT THATS..." "thats why im here" "I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE YOU SO UPSET BRO I ONLY WANT YOU EVER TO BE HAPPY" "help me out here"

"You can make me happy now by _leaving_! I don't want to see your face right now, you only cause me pain. Just... leave..." Karkat glances to the ground off to the side sadly.

Gamzee shudders and makes a pitiful whimpering noise.

"I said get out!" Karkat shouts, glaring angrily at Gamzee, tears forming in his eyes even as he bared his teeth.

"You heard the lady," Dave steps forward to stand next to Karkat, presenting them as a unified front against the indigo troll.

Gamzee sniffs and wipes at his own face before shuffling toward the door. "who am i all up and 'sposed to talk to about my feelings now..." he sighs.

Dave rolls his eyes once the clown is gone, "Fucking doors around here can't keep out shit."

Karkat stares at the door for a moment longer before taking in a shaky breath and freezing up, trying not to break down.

Dave curls his arm around Karkat's waist and tugs him gently closer, "Hey."

He shakes slightly, looking at Dave's face in slight shock of what just happened, even as the tears start to fall from his eyes and down his cheeks.

"Hey, no, don't do that," Dave's hands gently pap at Karkat's dampening cheeks. "It's alright. It was just a little breakup, you'll get over it. You're a strong independent troll who don't need no moirail."

Karkat blinks, trying to stop the flow of the red tinted liquid as he took in another breath before letting it out slowly and just pressing his face to Dave's shoulder, not caring if he cried on his skin at all.

Dave's fine with that. "At least I'm not wearing a shirt, cause if I got pink stains all over it that'd be lame." He curls his arms around Karkat and hugs him. "Hey. It's not like anyone died. This time. You guys...can still be friends?" He's so confused.

Karkat slowly shakes his head. "If- if you aren't in a relationship with him you are most likely... his enemy..." he managed to pull out of his mouth as he held tightly to Dave, though in doing so sort of made him feel bad because it still felt sort of like redrom cheating, even if he wasn't properly Gamzee's moirail he could feel at least a bit attached still.

"No way he adores you, did you even see his face when you dumped him? He was gonna piss blood."

"He's gonna be mad and will try to take it out on something... or someone..." He blinked a few times and clutched Dave tighter. "He's gonna blame you, oh _shit_, he's gonna try and take it out on you...!" Karkat's voice wavers in fear, fear for Dave.

Dave sighs, "Okay well if he does I'll just kick his ass. I kind of learned how he fights before and I've been thinking about it pretty much nonstop. I'm pretty sure I can fight him now."

"I don't want you to fight him..." Karkat says, sounding like a grub pouting at not getting its way.

Dave laughs at him and kisses the top of his head, "Yeah I don't wanna fight him again either, to be honest. I'm sure he can just go take out his pissy attitude on Terezi if they're in hatelove or whatever."

Karkat pauses, blinks some tears out of his eyes, and slowly nods. He had sort of suspected that would happen... eventually, but, that in itself still hurts. He shook violently again and closed his eyes, failing to stop the tears.

Dave waits a minute, and then says quietly, "Well now that you're awake we can go get started on that date thing if you want... Might make you feel less shitty."

He takes in a breath and lets it out slowly, another and then nods nervously. "I- I guess it might help..." He admits, pulling back enough to look at Dave properly as he forced a small smile on his face, blinking his still tear riddled eyes to clear them

"Do your tears actually taste good like Terezi says?" Dave asks suddenly, looking at Karkat's eyes.

Karkat scowls, but his eyes are smiling. "You better not lick me..." He says softly.

Dave leans closer threateningly. "Vantas you gotta know by now that if you tell me not to do something I'll be all over doing it."

"And you gotta know that when I said I would bite you I _will_ bite you." He returned, but his mouth shifted into a small smile.

"I know, you demonstrated that ability already," Dave scrunches his nose. His eyes are still locked on the bright red dribbles at the edges of Karkat's eyes.

"You had better not..." He says, looking at Daves shade-covered face daringly.

Dave grins, "You're not good at this." He kisses Karkat's cheek just close enough to his eye to make him squirm.

Karkat shifts and presses his teeth warningly to Dave's own cheek, but his eyes seemed playful in their expression. "I am not joking..." He sing songs.

"You're adorable," Dave picks him up off the ground and holds him close.

He blinks in surprise before smiling a bit wider. "You better not start that again!" He warns, pressing a small kiss at Dave's jaw line to stop himself from chuckling.

"I'm not sorry. Don't hate because you're adorable and people point it out."

"Note, only you point it out." Karkat replies.

"Just me?" Dave raises an eyebrow over his shades in disbelief. "Not buying that."

"Have you ever heard any of the others call me adorable? No. Because they don't." He moves his head to be right in front of Dave's face.

Dave snickers. "Uh yeah. Rezi. Kanaya a few times. John said it once. Ditto Jade."

Karkat huffs in irritation. "And how did I react to them calling me that?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You got mad." (:

"And now?"

"You're still mad." (:

He rolls his eyes. "No, I am not screaming my head off at you am I?" He smiles a bit wider.

"No," Dave sets him back down. "Hey but speaking of the bucktoothed weirdo, didn't you have some weird crush on John before? I remember from the memo you CC'd us in."

Karkat scowls and leans back from Dave. "What mood are you trying to set here? An awkward one? Cause I think that is the way it is heading in at the moment."

Dave grins wider. "You know I love to make things uncomfortable for you."

"Oh come on..." He pushes back from Dave with a very small smile on his face, he can't seem to _stop_ smiling. Despite how upset he was a minute ago, Dave's already distracted him.

"So c'mon tell me what the heck did you like about him? I wanna know what went wrong with your taste."

Karkat gives Dave an 'are you kidding me' look with his eyes before putting his thumb and forefinger together and tracing them over his lips, effectually sealing them if there was a zipper there.

Dave's eyes widen behind his glasses just as his grin does, "No, you aren't gonna hide information from me." He grabs Karkat again and picks him up as high as he can off the ground, ignoring the pain in his side. "I'm not putting you down till you spill."

Karkat smiles, teeth barely seen behind his slightly parted lips as he shakes his head roughly with a small chuckle.

"Tell me. Tellllll meeee." Dave shakes him gently.

He chuckles louder and grins, shaking his head even more. He doesn't even know why he is happy about this kind of thing, its just because it's _Dave_.

Dave is frustrated, "Ughh." He grabs for his sword and shifts his grip to Karkat's sweater behind his neck. He stabs the sword into the wall and hangs Karkat on the handle by his stretchy lumpy sweater.

Karkat looses his smile and frowns at Dave, folding his arms over his chest irritably and glaring at the blonde.

Dave mirrors his position.

"You're gonna tell me or I'm not letting you down. I'll actually leave. I'll go hang out in the library for an hour or so and leave you here."

Karkat rolls his eyes and shakes his head, lifting his hand up and 'unzipping' his mouth. "Then in advance, fuck you." He says before 'zipping' his lips back up together.

"Alright have it your way," Dave walks away and grabs his shirt, which Kanaya had returned to him whole, and she'd kindly stitched up the cuts in the fabric. "I'll be back later," Dave shrugs the shirt on. "Don't go anywhere. Just hang out."

Karkat stares at Dave, entirely unamused by this situation. He gives him both fingers and a scowl.

Dave returns them but with a smile attached. He walks out of the room with a salute.


	26. Chapter 24

==== GET YOURSELF DOWN FROM THERE, YOU LOOK SILLY

Karkat huffs and just... hangs there for a moment, making sure Dave is gone before he reaches back, trying to remove his sweater from the handle of Dave's sword as best he could manage with it about his neck level.

Dave waits outside the door, arms crossed, leaning against the adjacent wall.

He counts.

Karkat pulls at the neck of his sweater but it doesn't unhook and he frowns before slipping entirely out of his sweater and landing on the floor. He huffs and stands up straight, unhooking his sweater and walking out the door, sweater on his arm.

Dave yells BOO.

Karkat jumps at first, giving a small yelp before hissing at Dave, whacking the sweater over his head. "Ass!" Karkat spits out at him.

Dave bursts out laughing, actually leaning over to place his hands on his knees to keep himself up. "Oh my god you fucking...HAHAHHAA!"

He scowls and grumbles, whacking Dave's head with his sweater once more for good measure before crossing his arms and glaring at him indignantly. "It wasn't funny!"

"THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS!" Dave gasps for air, "Eat your heart our Egbert I'm the new pranking master. If only I could've recorded that... Waitaminute."

Dave flashes away for a second and Karkat only has enough time to blink in surprise before he returns in another flash of light, wearing his iShades. "Oh shit I did it, I have it recorded for all posterity...Karkat pissing himself in fear."

"You better not fucking show anyone that shit!" Karkat says with a frown.

"_Don't_ show everyone?" Dave grins.

_"Don't!"_

"Brb mailing this to everyone," Dave spins and takes off down the hallway.

"Hey! No!" He starts after Dave, chucking his sweater on. "No no no no _no_! This is not funny!"

"You obviously can't hear all of our future selves laughing then." Dave makes it to the transportulizer first.

Dave barely transports to the library before Karkat does. "Not funny! No!" He spits out, stepping to try and stride along beside him.

"Shshshhshhhhh," Dave puts his whole hand over Karkat's face as he mentally clicks buttons on his iShades.

Terezi looks up from the corner where she has been...reading? The book is upside down. "What's the haps, boys?" she asks.

Karkat growls. "No! Don't you fucking dare! It is not funny! _That_ was not funny! Don't you dare fucking send it!"

Dave laughs again and pushes Karkat away. "No dude this is gonna be great."

"No! Fuck no!"

Terezi sets her book down and walks over. "I smell humiliation afoot..."

Dave nods, "You're so right, Rezi I'm sending this embarrassing vid of Karkat to John to prove how I'm better than him in all ways."

"AAAAAAAARGH!"

"Forward it to me too, me too," Terezi grabs onto Dave's other arm. "I wanna see this humiliating vid!"

"Hold up Rezi I'm busy computing," Dave pushes her face away too. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand sent."

"Fucking hell!" He scowls at Dave before taking a huffed step away, but he didn't know what to do. "Raaagh!" He just started pacing instead, scowling the whole time.

"Ok he opened it, oh my god this is so awesome. Suck my fucking dick Egbert."

Terezi is still bouncing off of Dave's arm, demanding that he show her the evidence!

Karkat frowns. "Dave, I was shirtless. What do you think he is going to think?" He crosses his arms to stare at Dave in annoyance and embarrassment.

Dave shrugs, "Fuck if I care. Oh, oh shit he's responding."

Terezi licks his arm, "Show this vid to me, I demand it!"

Karkat steps closer to Dave, eager to see what John was saying. "No, Terezi! Veto!"

"Veto refers to voting, Karkat, not court situations!" Terezi bops him on the head with surprising accuracy.

"Oh man oh man," Dave laughs.

"It means I forbid it. What is it, Dave, what's the moronic spoonfucker saying?"

"Haha he's pissed. He wanted to prank you first."

"Oh fuck that!" Karkat huffed and shoved Dave's arm. "You're such an ass!"

"You really wanna keep insulting me when I haven't sent it to everyone else yet?," Dave grinned, turning to look at him.

"Oh come on! Wasn't John enough already?!"

Terezi wiggles in excitement, "Dave. Give me the embarrassing Karkat video."

"I think not."

"The world needs to see this."

"Dave, no. Don't." Karkat is near begging. "It's bad enough John, that fucking dorkmonster, saw."

"But how can I deny this pretty shark face the hilarity?" he gestures to Terezi, who is nearly drooling.

"No! Don't! Or you won't get _anything _out of me about the thing before." He crosses his arms tightly over his chest, almost pouting. No, he was definitely pouting.

"Okay so if don't send it, you'll answer the question that started this whole debacle?" Dave raises his eyebrows.

"No, don't give in to the opposition, Dave!" Terezi protests.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Karkat bares his teeth at the blonde.

"I'm never fucking kidding you."

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave..."

Karkat shifts nervously. "I don't see how that stupid question is relevant since I am clearly over all of that right now..."

"Doesn't have to be relevant to make me wanna know."

Terezi looks between them, "What is the secret...?"

"Terezi can you not?" Dave rolls his eyes behind the shades.

"I CAN in fact...not," she grins.

Dave kisses her on the cheek and pushes her into the transportulizer. "Bye doll."

Karkat scowls at Dave, only a little jealous. Of who, he can't tell. "Not fucking fair..."

"What isnt?" Dave leans over Karkat and asks, smirking.

He bares his teeth slightly at him in annoyance. "Fuck you..."

"I've heard that one before. So. Spill it, Vantas."

Karkat frowns at him before taking a step closer, faces nearly touching as he glared at him. "You're a fucking asshole."

"Tell me more."

"Ass..." He says before leaning in and kissing Dave, nearly eagerly.

Dave grips the sides of Karkat's face and kisses him back. After a second he pulls back and out of Karkat's range again, smirking like a douchebag. "As nice as that sentiment was, its not gonna distract a Strider from his goal."

"Oh _for fuck's sake_!" Karkat growls, "Ok, fine. You do whatever you fucking want with that video. I'm not gonna give a fuck! I'm still hoarding all the fuck's I don't give and I'll be swimming in them soon enough, swimming far away from you!" Karkat huffs and walks off before flopping down on the couch, crossing his arms and keeping his head hunched in.

"The pool level's gonna be dropping soon though, cause I can feel you giving fucks about a lot of things lately," Dave is still grinning when he sinks down next to Karkat, who scoots away from him. "Like for example," Dave gestures toward himself and laughs.

"Shut up." He says, punching Dave's leg before folding his arms again.

"I should be counting exactly how many fucks I've seen you give about me so far. There's so many Karkat you don't even know."

"Shut uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup." He says again, sending a small glare Dave's way.

Dave kicks his feet into Karkat's lap again. "It's alright dude the fucks are mutual."

Karkat glares fully at Dave in annoyance, back at his feet then at him again. "Again, you are such an ass!"

"Your continued references to my ass are making me suspicious of your motives, Karkat."

"Fuck you, Strider, fuck you with a cactus till you become a spinebeast!" He huffs out.

"You wouldn't wanna do that," Dave says. "Unless you would...is that a normal Alternian mating ritual...?" He frowns.

Karkat gives him a 'are you fucking kidding me' look. "No. They usually involve me having to try and slap some sense into the stupid ironic blond human."

"So interspecies makeouts have ALWAYS been a thing."

"You are truly a moron."

"You are truly turning me off right now talking about shoving a cactus up my ass."

"You are truly making me doubt your intellect by not taking note of the sarcasm I had carefully laced into my voice when I said that."

"Sarcasm, what's that?"

"You are a total idiot..."

"Was that sarcasm too?" Dave puts a finger thoughtfully to his cheek.

"What do you think?!"

Dave makes a pout. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Yes, totally..." Karkat rolls his eyes.

"But was _that_ sarcasm?" Dave points the same finger at Karkat.

"You are not an idiot, you just choose to act like it at times. Does that answer your question?"

"Are you gonna answer _my_ question now?"

"No."

Dave grunts, "Karkat I fucking swear."

"I am not saying because I don't fucking care about it any more now!"

Dave groans and sighs very loudly and drapes his entire body across the couch as a symbol of how done he is with this dumb troll. About 420 percent done.

Karkat has the most unamused look possible simply plastered over his face at that point.

"Karkat you are so frustrating."

"And you aren't?" He replies.

"Motherfucker, I'm awesome," Dave raps quietly.

Karkat huffs and glares at Dave for a few seconds. "Ok, firstly-" He begins, roughly shoving Dave's feet onto the ground, "-feet off, put them on the table for all I care! Secondly, I know just how awesome you are, inside and out. I decide on whether you are awesome or not." He smirks slightly and crosses his legs over just above the knee, his head facing Dave with a slightly smug expression on it.

Dave narrows his eyes and swings his legs back up into Karkat's lap again. "And I decide where my feet go."

He pushes them back down. "And I decide what goes on my lap. Feet do not go there."

"I'm gonna need to see a list of reasons why," Dave swings them back up again.

Karkat scowls and spins about, pushing Dave's feet to the back of the couch as he lifted his own up and chucked them onto Dave's chest. "How does this feel then?" He asked, eyes squinted at Dave.

Dave puts his feet on Karkat's face. "I'm good."

Karkat snarls angrily, voice muffled by the shoes that he tries in vain to push away, "Remove your feet or you are so gonna get it, Strider!" He spat out.

"Gonna get 'it', oh man lemme still my quickly beating heart, Karkat, you must know I am also an innocent virgin!" Dave throws a hand over his eyes dramatically.

"Get your fucking shoes off my face _now_!"

"Nah," Dave plants his feet more firmly onto Karkat's face.

"I fucking _swear_ I will kick you off this couch if your feet are not off and onto the floor in the next few seconds, injuries or not!"

Dave grins maliciously and grinds his heels into the palms of Karkat's hands.

Karkat hisses, _that's the last straw_, and pushes his legs to the side of Dave, wedging them between the back of the couch and Dave's side before he pushed, aiming to shove Dave off the couch as he gripped his arms about Dave's ankles, shoving them off and dragging, trying to pull the blond off with them.

Dave laughs as he wiggles around, trying to hold onto the couch. "I will not be removed!"

"Get the fuck off! you have lost couch privileges!" Karkat wriggles between Dave and the couch and pushes at him with his legs and arms. "Off! Off! Now! Off!"

"Hahaha, you sound like your dancestor," Dave does an surprisingly spot-on impression of Kankri, "Check your couch privleges!" He digs his fingers into the couch cushions and holds on.

"OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! NO! YOU WILL NOT SPEAK OF THAT ASSWIPE! GET THE FUCK OFF! I CLAIM THIS COUCH! AS FIRST RULE OF CLAIMING THIS LAND I BAN THE ONE AND ONLY, DAVE FUCKING STRIDER, FROM IT'S PROXIMITIES AND THE OCCUPANTS! OFFFFFFF!" He shoves harder at Dave.

"Karkat this isn't land it's a couuuu-" Dave falls off the side and hits his head on the floor, going still.


End file.
